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Q. What do you get if Bach dies and reincarnates as twins? A. A pair of re-Bachs!
Vampire Says: Happy Die Day!
Dead Riddle: What kind of flowers do you give to King Tut? Chrysanthemummies.
Scary Pick-Up Line: Hey Gnirl, I Dig You!

If Satan lost his hair, would there be HELL toupee?


Graveyard Jokes and Haunted Cemetery Puns
Dig up spooky graveyard jokes, scary cemetery plots, frightful burial humor and deadly puns.

Cemetery Jokes, Deadly Crypt Puns, Grave Humor
(Because Graveyard Jokes and Cemetery Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream For Grave Diggers On Halloween!)
Warning: Proceed Carefully! Deadly graveyard jokes, entombed humor, and cryptic cemetery puns ahead.
| Deadly Cemetery Jokes | Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Haunted House Humor | Werewolf Jokes |
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| Monster Jokes | Mummy Puns | Scary Funny | Skeleton Jokes | Vampire Jokes | Witch Puns |
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| Scary Animal Jokes | Bat Puns | Bigfoot Sightings | Spider Jokes | Zombie Jokes | Brain Puns |

Q. Why do they put fences around graveyards? A. People are dying to get in!Scary Pun: Speaking ill of the dead is a grave mistake.Q. What do you call interns at a cemetery? A. Grave trainees!

Q. Why was the old gate at the cemetery decaying so badly?
A. Because it was made of rot iron.

Q. Why do hipster spirits like to party at the cemetery?
A. Because it's an underground club.

Q. Why can't you cut a graveyard exactly in half?
A. Because it's a-cemetery!

Q. What does the headstone for the man who invented Velcro say?

Q. Why was the atheist's funeral so sad?
A. 'Cause he was all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Q. Why was the undertaker so popular?
A. Because he knew how to put the fun back in funeral!

Q. What's the difference between a toilet and a graveyard?
A. Nothing. When you have to go, you have to go.

Q. Which units of measure do the undead use to size up a cemetery?
A. Graveyards.

Q. Who is haunting the KFC near Littleton Cemetery?
A. The psychic on Main St. believes it's a poultry-guess.

Q. Why are graveyards generally so noisy?
A. Because of all the coffin.

Q. What do you call a tomb full of money?
A. Crypt o' currency.

Q. Why did the undertaker quit working at the funeral parlor?
A. It was a dead end job.

Q. How many bones are there in a graveyard?
A. A skele-ton.

Q. Why did that one guy like cemeteries so much?
A. He just digs the graves.

Q. Why did the pro funeral director always place an extra chair out at the wake?
A. For rigor mortise to set in.

Q. Why couldn't the journalist write the story about the over-crowded cemetery?
A. Because there was no plot.

Q. What did the dyslexic guy say about going to a funeral?
A. It's real fun.

Q. Why did the grave digger want to quit his job?
A. 'Cause he was always buried in his work.

Q. What happens if you play Beethoven backwards? A. He Decomposes!Motto of the Ghoul's Convention: The Morgue, the MerrierQ. Why is there a gate around cemeteries? A. Because people are dying ot get in!

Q. Why did the musician's gig at the graveyard go so badly?
A. Because the crowd was pretty dead.

Q. Which style font was used on Wyat Earp's tombstone?
A. Sans sheriff.

Q. How do you outsmart your mother-in-law who said she'll dance on your grave?
A. Get buried out at sea!

Q. What did the guy say after he quit working the graveyard shift?
A. The difference is like night and day!

Q. What is it called when your local cemetery is running out of space?
A. A grave issue.

Q. What should you say at a funeral for somebody who died in an explosion?
A. Rest in pieces.

Q. Who is haunting the KFC near Littleton Cemetery?
A. Colorado locals know it's actually cannibal Alferd Packer because he just doesn’t have a taste for chicken meat.

Q. Why did the musician ghost take his best ghoul to the cemetery on Friday the 13th?
A. He was hoping for a graveyard smash.

Q. What is it called when a casket ends up buried in the wrong cemetery plot?
A. A grave mistake.

Q. Why did the grave digger quit his job?
A. He just got tired of the hold thing.

Q. What is read at a female dog's funeral?
A. The o-bitch-uary.

News Flash: A news copter crashed into the local cemetery. Early reports say at least 500 dead. Stay tuned. More at 10 P.M.

Q. Why do some cemetery employees enjoy working there?
A. Because they dig graves.

Q. Why did the vampire's musical gig at the cemetery absolutely suck?
A. Because the crowd was really dead.

Horror Porn Tip of the Night: Graveyards are a great place to get laid, even while you're still alive!

Q. Why did the cemetery security guard get a promotion?
A. Because he's in charge of 500 souls under him.

Q. What is a mortician's favorite game?
A. Formaldahyde and ghost seek.

Deep Thought of Note: Do you still make poignant music after you're dead by de-composing?

Q. Where does a ghost go to take a nap? A. The dead-room!Too Bad It's Twos-Day!Q. What do ghouls eat for supper? A. Spook-etti!

Q. Where do you get honey in a graveyard?
A. From a zombee!

Q. What do grave robbers and bad writers have in common?
A. Both create lots of plot-holes.

Q. What do undertakers say at parties?
A. Pass me another cold one.

Scary Halloween Point to Ponder: If yu have sex on October 31, is it a monster mash, or a graveyard smash?

Q. Who is haunting the KFC near Littleton Cemetery in Colorado?
A. Info at Bemis Library said it's a poultry-geist.

Q. Why did the guy want his wife to sing at his funeral?
A. So everybody else knows there are worse things than death.

Q. What was etched onto the hypochondriac's headstone?
A. See, I told you I was sick.

Deadly Funny Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the Cessna that crashed into the graveyard? Over 50 bodies have been recovered so far. Which is odd, considering that it was a four seat plane.

Q. Why did the land developer nix the new cemetery project?
A. Because it was a huge undertaking.

Q. What did the guy think when he saw an advertisement for burial plots?
A. That's the last thing I'll ever need.

Q. Why didn't the wife like the big rock her husband gave her for their 20th wedding anniversary?
A. Because it was a headstone!

Q. Why didn't the moon attend the sun's funeral?
A. 'Cause it's not a mourning person.

Q. Which undertaker wrote the book, Planning A Funeral?
A. Mort Chu Aerie.

Q. What happened after a tornado tore through a cemetery in Kansas?
A. Hundreds turned up dead.

A guy walks into a graveyard bar and asks the bartender for a beer. Bartender replies, "Sorry, we only serve spirits here."

Q. How did ancient Egyptian grave robbers die?
A. Archaelogists believe it was due to a-sphinx-iation.

Q. Which song did the guy request at his mother-in-law's funeral?
A. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.

Q. What did the press say about the tennis player's funeral?
A. It was an ace service.

Q. Why was the undertaker fired?
A. He made a very grave mistake.

Q. What is a graveyard that's above a layer of sandstone called?
A. Sedimentary.

Scary Humor: Dead Languages Are Always Encrypted Q. Why don't they know where Mozart is burried? A. Because he's Haydn?Hearse Says: Happy Tours Day?

Q. What is the difference between an archaelogist and a grave robber?
A. Timing...

Q. How did followers feel when Karl Marx's grave was desecrated with a hammer?
A. That made them sickle.

Q. Who creates garden statues of the heads of famous dead people?
A. Ghost busters.

Q. What do you call a group of unvaccinated children?
A. A graveyard.

Q. Who's haunting the KFC across the street from the cemetery?
A. Some comedian spoofing Colonel Sanders said it was a poultry-geist.

News Flash! A powerful tornado tore through town last night. So far, eight bodies have been recovered. Plot twister: It only damaged the local graveyard.

Q. Why did the monster musician's gig at the mausoleum stink?
A. Because the audience actually was dead.

Q. What might a '60s pothead do in his grave when cannibis is finally legalized in all 50 states?
A. Roll over in his grave.

Q. Why was the burial of the guy who invented cough drops so unconventional?
A. Because there was no coffin.

Q. How did the old grave digger die?
A. He was buried in his work.

Graveyard Point to Ponder: When you see a headstone that reads, "Here lies a politician and an honest man," do you wonder how they fit both in one casket?

Q. How do you describe Karl Marx's grave site?
A. Just another communist plot.

Q. What does it say on the tombstone of the Lego Man that died when sombody stepped on him?
A. Rest in pieces.

Q. Why can't you get cell phone reception at the cemetery?
A. Because it's a dead spot.

Q. Why did the guy miss the funeral at 9 A.M.?
A. Because he wasn't a mourning person.

Q. What should you wear to a Mexican funeral?
A. A somber-ero.

Q. Why didn't the mortician take the job in Cairo?
A. 'Cause it was a pyramid scheme.

Q. Which kind of deodorant do executioners wear?
A. Axe.

Q. Do old undertakers ever die?
A. No, they just vault away.

Q. What is it called when a guy gets an erection at a funeral?
A. Mourning wood.

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| Old Never Die Jokes | Chilling Winter Humor | Cold Puns | Holiday Party Jokes | Daily Jokes |

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