A tarantula found a date online. He spider on the web!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. Why did the orange go out with a prune? A. It couldn't find a date!
Gnomes Say: Happy Flirts Day!

Q. Where do hamburgers take their date on Valentine's Day? A. To the Meatball!
Scary Pun: Cannibals Like to Meat People.

Hey Gnirl, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first!
On a Blind Date: Gnome Match?
Q. What did the bulb say to the light switch? A. You turn me on!
Gnomes Say: Happy Sought Her Day!
If you date a troll, you won't go gnome alone.
A Girl Said She Recognized Me From the Vegetarian Club, But I'd Never Met Herbivore.
Is your name Google? You're everything I'm searching for!


Dating Jokes, Hook Up Humor, Matchmaker Puns
Get hooked up with hot match puns, dating scene laughs, hookup humor and date night jokes.

Dating Jokes, Date Night Puns, Hot Date Humor
(Because Paired Up Puns and First Date Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Trolling on Tinder!)
Warning: Proceed with Protection! Stud finder humor, first date jokes, and French connection puns ahead.
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Q. Why did Batman's date go so badly? A. Hw had bat breath!Q. What is a match maker's favorite day of the week? A. Twos Day!Q. What is Will Riker's dating philosophy? A. If at first you don't succeed, Troi again!

Q. What did the battery say on his dating profile?
A. I'm very energetic and positive, but I also have a negative side.

Q. Why is dating so hard for steam-roller operators?
A. Because they're overly flattering.

Q. How are blind dates and bluetooth devices alike?
A. They're supposed to pair up and connect, but it seldom happens.

Q. Which new dating site was built by web designers for webmasters?
A. Wii Connect.

Q. What do romantic fishermen sing on a romantic date?
A. Salmon Chanted Evening.

Q. Which new dating site matches up Hollywood directors and stuntmen?
A. Action Items.

Q. What is the name of the deep kisser's dating site?
A. French Connection.

Q. Which hilarious dating site is for jokesters and standup comedians?
A. Tee Hee Harmony.

Q. What is the name of the new dating site full of hot dudes?
A. Stud Finder.

Q. Which new carpentry dating site is popular among studs?
A. Board Meetings.

Q. What does every sole fisherman want?
A. A gill-friend!

Q. Why couldn't the plumber ever get a date?
A. Because he was a real drip.

Q. Which new online dating site was founded by massage therapists?
A. Rubber Match.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. You learned how to successfully pick up women by studying Captain Kirk.

Kirk: How are a joke and a hot date alike?
Spock: A joke is a story with a humorous climax.

Q. Why shouldn't you try to date Seven of Nine?
A. Because her response to, "Was it good for you?" is always: "Pleasure is irrelevant."

Q. What technique does a romantic Jedi master use when he's trying to seduce a lover?
A. Force play.

Q. Which new dating site offers above average hookups?
A. B Harmony.

Q. Which online dating site do fire fighters strictly avoid?
A. Open Flames.

Q. Why do bananas do so well on the dating scene? A. Because they have appeal!Q. What do you get if cross a bat with a lonely hearts club? A. A lot of blind dates. Q. Why did the banana go out with a prune? A. It couldn't find a date!

Q. What is the best thing about dating a French fellow?
A. His oui oui.

Q. How do you romance a landlord?
A. With long romantic walks to the bank.

Q. Why did the guy stop dating the lady electrician?
A. Because she was too shocking in bed.

Q. Why are great electricians always so up to date?
A. Because they're current specialists.

Q. Which new dating site specializes in matching up bodybuilders and high testosterone types?
A. Match-O Mate.

Q. Which classic online dating site was founded by clockmakers?
A. Hour Time.

Q. How do archeaologists meet that special someone?
A. Carbon dating.

Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!

Q. Which new dating site offers hookups for migratory Canada Geese?
A. Vee Harmony.

Q. What did the guy say when he bumped into his ex-girlfriend right after getting new glasses?
A. Hey, long time, no see!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to a single's bar?
A. He wanted to pick up somebody!

Q. Which dating site is focused on good-looking hookups?
A. Eye Harmony.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever go on a date with a pastry chef?
A. Because he'll likely dessert you!

Q. Why are big pharma chemists considered studs?
A. Because they know how to make fun-gals cream.

Q. Which dating site specializes exclusively in menages a trois?
A. Three On A Match.

A guy took a first date to the local beanery for dinner. She was immediately inflatuated!

Q. What do you call a dating site for dogs and cats"
A. A social petwork.

Q. Which new dating site is a sister company to Hooters?
A. DD Harmony.

Sweet Pick-Up Line: Hey Gnirl, do you have any raisins? No? Then how about a date?You might be from Colorado if you plan all your dinner dates at dog-friendly restaurants!Hi, I'm Mister Right. Somebody said you were looking for me?

Q. What happened after the guy had a first date with a dental hygienist?
A. She said she'd had a great time and she'd like to see him again in six months...

Q. What is the name of the new extreme sport dating site?
A. Action Items.

Q. What do you call 18-year-olds using dating apps?
A. Tinder Tots!

Q. Where can drag queens go online to find a hot soulmate?
A. Flaming Match.

Q. What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath before a big date?
A. Men-toes.

Q. Which new dating site is for those who do not drink coffee?
A. Tea Harmony.

Q. What is a cannibal's dating philosophy?
A. Get to know them, take them home, and make them a meal.

I had a date with a dentist last night. At the end of the date, she said she had a great time and wants to see me again in six months. OUCH!

Q. Which new dating site specializes in spicy dates for chefs 50+?
A. Hour Thyme.

Q. How did the potato chip proposition the battery?
A. If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q. Which new dating site serves chefs and kitchen workers?
A. MatchBaker.

Q. Which new dating site do lovers of natural foods match up with?
A. Organic Chemistry.

Q. What did the bodybuilder say when his girlfriend dumped him for some other gym rat?
A. I'm feelin' the burn.

Q. Why did the league bowler's girlfriend break up with him?
A. She claimed he was a real pinhead.

Q. Where do ranchers and rodeo cowboys go online to find a bucking hot date?
A. Western Union.

Q. Why did the stupid monster like dating the jack-o-lantern?
A. Because they both have empty heads.

Q. Which new dating site is exclusively for non-monogamists?
A. Open Flames.

Q. Which new online dating site offers free condoms?
A. Rubber Match.

Q. How does a vampire ask for a date? A. Let's go out for a bite!Online Dating: Gnome Match?Q. How does a female vampire flirt? A. She bats her eyes!

Q. What did the zombie say to his date?
A. I love a woman with brains!

Q. Which new dating site is not for mousy types?
A. Eek! Harmony.

Q. Where do point guards take their dates to party after the game?
A. To a basket ball.

Q. Why did the pro bowler's girlfriend break up with him?
A. All the kegling jokes just weren't up her alley.

Q. How does a mummy attract a mate?
A. With pharaoh moans.

Q. Which failed dating site was for egotists only?
A. I Harmony.

Q. Which kind of movies do hens like best?
A. Chick Flicks!

Q. Why did the lady snowman delete Tinder?
A. She was getting too many sno-cone pics.

Q. Which new dating site is for those who want to take it slow?
A. Flame Retardants.

Man at the Gym: I want to impress a girl. Which machine should I use?
Trainer: Try the ATM outside.

Q. What do you call a two lovebirds on a cyber date?
A. Tweet Hearts.

Q. Which disco dating site Gibbs its users a feverish experience on Saturday night?
A. Bee Gee Harmony.

Q. Where do tennis players go on a date?
A. The Tennis Ball.

Q. Which dating site offers love for Tennis players?
A. Game Set Match.

Q. Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blonde outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
A. 'Cause she's a bad catch.

Q. How did the zombie know her skeleton date was such a bad liar?
A. 'Cause she could see right through him.

Q. How does a cannibal introduce himself?
A. "Hello, pleased to meat you!"

Q. Which new dating site do church keyboard players use?
A. Organic Chemistry.

Batman's foe says: Why Ca't Batman get a date? SLAP! I do NOT have Bat breath!Green ET Says: Dating used to be dinner and a flick, now it's dank and a dick!Q. What did Frankenstein say to his date on Valentine's Day? A. Be my Valenstein!

Q. Why is Superman a really bad date?
A. Even though he's been flying around for hours, he won't stop to ask for directions.

Q. Why did Lois Lane break up with Superman?
A. Because she knew there wasn't really any kryptonite under the bed!

Q. Why did Lois Lane break up with Superman?
A. Because he claimed even X-ray vision couldn't penetrate her meatloaf!

Q. How did Lois Lane know that was Superman in bed?
A. Because he always came as fast as he could!

Q. Which new dating site do gay guys prefer?
A. He Harmony.

Q. Which new matchmaking site is strictly for the one percent?
A. V.I.P. Harmony.

Q. Why did the guy's girlfriend cheat on him with a space alien?
A. 'Cause the sex was out of this world!

Q. What do you say to a hot astronaut?
A. Back that NASA up!

Q. What do you call it if you're seeing a girl from another planet?
A. An inter-spacial relationship.

Q. Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
A. He claimed he needed more space.

Q. Which new dating site caters to hipsters in Amsterdam?
A. Zie Harmony.

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

Q. Which older dating site Depends on matching up sufferers of incontinence?
A. Pee Harmony.

Q. What do young female monsters do at parties?
A. They look for edible bachelors!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the Halloween speed dating party?
A. He was hoping to pick up some body!

Q. What do you call a zombie with a hickey?
A. A necromancer.

Q. Which new dating site works best for average people?
A. C Harmony.

Did you hear about the new cannibal dating service? It's called: Trying to Meat You!

Q. Why are mummies so awkward on a first date?
A. They're afraid to relax and unwind!

Q. Which new dating site offers at least nine holes?
A. Tee Harmony.

Big Ape Asks: Why do bankers make great lovers? A. They know  the penalty for early withdrawal!Hey Girl, is your gname "Summer?" 'Cause you're so hot!Bottle of whiskey asks: What do a shot of Everclear & a sexy woman have in common? A. Both make men talk nonsense!

Q. Why should you think twice about dating an accountant?
A. 'Cause they're really into double entries.

Q. Which dating site has the most contacts?
A. Eye Harmony.

Birding Pick-Up Line: Hey chicky, do you regurgitate on a first date?

Q. Which new matchmaking site is strictly for lawyers and accountants?
A. Fee Harmony.

Q. Which new dating site is for the newly divorcd crowd?
A. UnMatched.

Dating Groan of the Day: She thinks she's a siren, but she looks more like a false alarm.

Q. Why did two electrical transformers on Main St. go out last Saturday night?
A. Because they liked each other.

Q. Which classic dating venue connected Betty White and Allen Ludden?
A. Match Game.

Q. Which online site offers the punniest dating jokes?
A. PainfulPuns.com.

Q. How did the gun assassin's first date go?
A. They really hit it off.

Q. Why did the guy break up with his watermelon vendor girlfriend?
A. Because she was always so melon-dramatic about everything!

Q. Which new dating site offers is exclusively for duffers?
A. Tee Harmony.

Cheesy Hit Up Line: Hey Brie, do you French on a first date?

Q. Which new dating site is strictly for sleuths and detectives?
A. Connect the dot.

Q. Which sweet dating site is exclusively for apiarists?
A. Bee Harmony.

VD Day Pick-Up Line: Babe, do you know what this shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.

Q. Why did the zombie only date highly intelligent women?
A. He just loved women with brains!

Q. Arrr! Which dating site do pirates like best?
A. Sea Harmony.

Q. Which key dating site is popular with locksmiths and burglars?
A. Latch dot con.

Q. Which new dating site is for pirates over 50?
A. Arrr! Time.

Q. What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells to conjure up an underage date?
A. A hex offender!

Q. Which dating site guarantees a happy menage a trois?
A. Three Harmony.

Science Lab Gossip of the Day: Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg!

Q. Which new dating site is for fans of Bob Dylan?
A. E Harmonica.

Q. Why did the miner ask a diamond out for diiner?
A. 'Cause he was into carbon dating.

Scientists just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind two other genes.

Q. Where do dissatisfied women go to spot a worthy match online?
A. G Harmony.

Q. Where do lonely single socks go online to find a mate?
A. Matchless Soles.

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