you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade? She
gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy
and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
What is the difference between a golf ball and the G Spot?
A. A man will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf
Doctor: You need to stop masturbating so often.
Patient: Why? Will I go blind?
Eye Doctor: No, but it's making the other patients very
What excuse did Bigfoot have for abducting a pretty girl
in Woodland Park?
A. She brought out the beast in me!
Why did the pro bowler's girlfriend break up with him?
A. All the kegling jokes just weren't up her alley.
Why did the league bowler's girlfriend break up with him?
A. She claimed he was a real pinhead.
What killer round did the zombie order at the singles bar?
A. A shot of ta-kill-ya, a Bloody Mary, and a Mind Eraser!
What happens when somebody steals your heart?
A. They get cardiac arrested.
Why did the lonely skeleton cry himself to sleep every night?
A. Because he was empty inside.
Why did the guy break up with his watermelon vendor girlfriend?
A. Because she was always so melon-dramatic about
Why did Lois Lane break up with Superman?
A. Because he claimed even X-ray vision couldn't penetrate
How did the woman refer to her ex-husband after the divorce?
A. As her bitter half.
How do we know Santa is a man?
A. He shows up late, eats your cookies, empties his sack,
calls you a ho, and leaves while you're sleeping.
Why doesn't Santa Claus, A.K.A. Father Christmas,
have any children of his own?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does,
it's down a chimney.
Why did Santa visit a strip club?
A. Because all the Ho Ho Hos got him in the holiday spirit!
(Santa doesn't need Red Bull!)
Why did the lady snowman delete Tinder?
was getting too many sno-cone pics.
you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who runs a
bawdy house? He sold his soul to Santa!
What do you call the hottest brothel at the North Pole?
A. The Work Shop!
Christmas Eve Pick-Up Line:
Hey, let's both just be naughty this year and save Santa
the house call.