Q. What do you call a bachelor who changes his place of residence every few weeks?
A. Very unsettling.

Q. What's the difference between a confirmed bachelor and the weather?
A. Nothing can be done to change either one.

Q. What is the best thing about dating a French bachelor?
A. His oui oui.

Q. What does beer say to the bachelor who tells tall tales?
A. Cool story, Brew!

Q. What is a group of peers, comprised of 12 well-endowed single gentlemen, called?
A. A hung jury.

Q. What did the cannibal bachelor have after his one-night stand?
A. Breakfast in bed.

Did you hear about the bachelor who lost his glasses at the bar? The rest of the evening was a total blur.

The last man on Earth walks into a bar and says, "Drink, I'd like another bartender."

Bachelorhood Fact of the Day: A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Q. What do you call a bachelor who only likes their own type of hosiery?
A. Homo-sock-ual.

Q. What do young female monsters do at parties?
A. They look for edible bachelors!

A single guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "How's it going?" Guy replies, "Okay, I guess. Holding my own." "That's good," says the bartender, "You'd get arrested if you held somebody else's."

Q. What do you call the single dude who drank vodka and ended up in a mental hospital?
A. An Absolut madman.

A virile single guy is going to open a business with the money he got from his donation at the sperm bank, because now he's got a little seed money.

Q. What do you call a studly single guy whose manner of walking makes everybody stare?
A. The saunter of attraction.

Q. Why don't bald bachelors need keys?
A. Because they've lost all their locks.

Q. Why do bald bachelors always have holes in their pockets?
A. So they can run their fingers through their hair!

Q. What did the bachelor, who usually wore a toupee, do when he wanted to relax?
A. He just let his hair down.

Q. Which three ways can a single man wear his hair?
A. Parted, unparted, or departed.

Q. What encouraging words can you say to a guy who is afraid he is turning into a recluse?
A. You are not a loner.

Q. Why did the lonely skeleton bachelor cry himself to sleep every night?
A. Because he was empty inside.

Q. What happened when the lonely guy got hit in the head with a beer bottle?
A. It didn't break the skin, but it did leave a nasty brews.

Q. Why was the lonely bachelor surprised when he was kicked out of the peripheral vision club?
A. He just didn't see it coming!

Q. What killer round did the zombie order at the singles bar?
A. A shot of ta-kill-ya, a Bloody Mary, and a Mind Eraser!

Two guys walk into a singles bar. The third guy ducked.

Q. What's the difference between pigs and studly bros?
A. Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q. What do you call several single guys waiting in line for a haircut?
A. A barber-cue.

Did you hear about the single stud who couldn't decide between vodka and whiskey? He was very good at multi-flasking.

Q. Why didn't the vampire every marry?
A. He was a confirmed bat-chelor.

Q. Why was the hunky single optician so popular with the ladies?
A. He had specs appeal!

Q. Why was the lonely single guy so bad tempered when he was sulking and pouting?
A. Because he needed to learn better moping skills.

Q. Why did the even-tempered bachelor long for more stress and pressure in his life?
A. He was starved for tension.

Q. Why did the jury find the courtroom masturbater not guilty?
A. He got off on a technicality.

A single guy was browsing at the liquor store, so the clerk asked, "Do you need help?" The bachelor replied, "Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead."

Q. Which new online dating site do single gay guys prefer?
A. He Harmony.

Q. Why did the college freshman blow chunks all over the house?
A. Because he wasn't party trained.

Q. Where do roofing contractors go to relax at the end of a long week?
A. The Shingle's Bar!

Q. Why do playboys use Camouflage Condoms?
A. So you'll never see them coming.

Q. Why was the lonely carpenter sad on Saturday night?
A. He didn't get lathed.

Q. What are related bachelors who swear alot when they get together called?
A. Cussing cousins.

Q. Which new dating site specializes in matching up bodybuilders and high testosterone types?
A. Match-O Mate.

Q. What is it called when a fun party boy ties his belt around a barroom seat and pulls it behind him?
A. A towed stool.

Q. What did the party boy call the image of a drink flask on his arm?
A. A Thermos-tat.

Q. Why is Facebook such a great place for lonely men?
A. Because it's the only website where they can talk to a wall and not be considered losers!

Q. Why did the near-sighted bachelor fall into the mineral springs?
A. Because he didn't see that well!

Q. What does a blonde bachelor have in common with a bottle of beer?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.

Brew Pub Fact of the Day: Single men do make passes at girls with empty glasses.

Q. Which online dating site is strictly for horny dirtbags over 50?
A. Whore Time dot come.

Q. How did the stoner guy feel when he fell into a vat of cannabis-infused vodka?
A. He was in high spirits!

Q. Which new sex toy are single studs all excited about?
A. The Erector Set.

Q. Why did the dirtbag have a bolt of lightning tattooed onto his dick?
A. 'Casue lightning only strikes the same place once.

Q. What does it mean when a single stud says that he has lightning fast reflexes?
A. That's bro code for premature ejaculation.

Q. What is it called when a lonely single guy carves his pumpkin way too soon?
A. Premature e-jack-o-lantern.

Q. What is the name of the new dating site full of hot dudes?
A. Stud Finder.

Q. What's the difference between a hermit bachelor and a Pike National Forest Sasquatch?
A. One's covered in matted hair and smells bad. The other has big feet.

A bachelor walks into a bar wrapped in a blanket. Bartenders says, "For you, there's no cover charge."

Mr. Spock: A syzygy is three heavenly bodies lined up in a row. Give me an example.
Chekov: Mudd's Women!

Q. Why is Han such a loner?
A. Because he's Solo.

Q. Why didn't Chewbacca ever marry?
A. He was too busy riding Solo.

Q. What is it called when a space alien visiting Earth masturbates too hard and goes up in flames?
A. Intense Science Friction.

Bachelor Speak PSA: Never trust a playboy who says he's wearing a camouflage condom!

Q. Which new carpentry dating site is popular among studs?
A. Board Meetings.

Air Travel Point to Ponder: If you joined the Mile High Club solo, is that considered a High Jacking?

Q. What do Colorado ranchers call a bull that pleasures himself?
A. Beef-Strokin'-Off!

Q. Why did the horny single guy jerk off into one of his socks?
A. 'Cause he wanted to get off on the right foot.

Q. Which new online dating site offers free condoms?
A. Rubber Match.

Q. Why did the bachelor go to the brew pub to think before quitting his job?
A. Because he needed to draft a letter of resignation..

A creepy single guy walks into a graveyard bar and asks the bartender for a beer. Bartender replies, "Sorry, we only serve spirits here."

Q. How are bachelors like bank accounts?
A. One day they're up, one day they're down, but most of the time they show no interest.

Q. What's the difference between a well-dressed bachelor and his dog?
A. One wears a three-piece suit; the other just pants.

Q. Why are gay bachelors always so well-dressed?
A. They didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

Q. Why did the blonde bachelor like watching the football game at the hair salon?
A. The coverage is the same, but the highlights are better.

Q. Which angry hermit absolutely will not go outside without his hat?
A. A hot head!

Q. Why was the horny masturbating drummer so tired?
A. 'Cause he never skipped a beat.

Q. What do you call it when a single guy's life is flourishing, but he makes very rssh decisions?
A. Reckless thriving.

Q. Why did it take the blonde bachelor a whole week to topple his heady beer?
A. 'Cause foam wasn't spilt in a day!

Q. Why did the lonely single guy quit his job at the shoe recycling center?
A. Because it was sole depressing.

Did you hear about the single cad who quit drinking liquor for good? Now he drinks for evil.

Q. What do you call the confirmed bachelor who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A. A Sherry Picker.

Q. Why wasn't the lonely hermit angry after burglars stole all his booze?
A. Because they lifted his spirits.

Did you hear about the sasquatch in Colorado who broke up with his lady in the fog? Now he's known as Girl-less in the Mist.

Q. Why couldn't the single playboy go to the contraception museum?
A. They wouldn't let him come inside.

Q. How are single men and pantyhose alike?
A. Either they cling, or they run, or they don't fit right in the crotch.

Bachelor Point to Ponder: If that dumb guy had a nickel for every time someone said, "look at that asshole!," he'd certainly have enough money to patch up that hole in his pants.

Q. How can a party boy tell he's had a wild and wonderful Saturday night?
A. By the number of pics he has to un-tag on Monday morning!

Q. What did the bachelor say when he got underwear for Christmas?
A. In with the new and out with the holed.

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

Join us on social media and please feel free to share our memes with friends and family:

©2017-2021 Painfulpuns.com All rights reserved.