Q. Why don't men install urinals in their bathrooms at home?
A. Because their wives just wouldn't stand for it.

Q. Why are men's rooms always on the left and ladies' rooms always on the right?
A. Because no matter what, women are always right, even when they're really full of shit.

Q. What do you call a guy who talks to others while using a public restroom?
A. A urinarrator.

Q. What do hoppy craft beers and Canadian urinals have in common?
A. I pee, eh.

Q. Nen, what happens when you miss the toilet bowl?
A. Urine trouble with your wife.

Q. Why was a guy happy about having diarrhea, hemorrhoids, and eczema last week?
A. Because it was the first time he'd ever won a game of Scrabble!

Q. Why did the contestant miss the word constipation at the spelling bee?
A. Because that shit was harder than he'd thought.

Q. What happened when the guy registered at a website for constipation sufferers?
A. It wouldn't let him log out!

Q. What kinds of dogs did the superstitious guy get to prevent future constipation?
A. A Shih Tzu and a Poodle.

Q. What did the grumpy old man do about his constipation?
A. Nothing. He just stopped giving a shit.

A guy bought a toilet brush because he saw one in every other bathroom. But, after giving it a whirl, he decided to go back to using toilet paper.

Q. How many men does it take to replace an empty roll of toilet paper?
A. Nobody knows because it's never been done!

Did you hear about the guy who sat down to take take a dump and realized there was no toilet paper? It scared the shit out of him, so he didn't really have to wipe in the end.

Q. What did the cannibal say after he dumped his wife?
A. Please pass the toilet paper.

Went to the proctologist yesterday. Today the wife reported, "Doc called with your colonoscopy results ­ they found your head."

Q. Why are men's farts louder than lady farts?
A. Because men have a microphone and two speakers.

Q. What is the most nerve-wracking moment in the life of a guy?
A. Attempting your first silent fart after a bout of diarrhea.

Did you hear about the guy who was suffering from diarrhea for the past few days? He's finally making some solid progress now.

Q. What do you call it when a drunk guy passes out on the toilet?
A. Pooper Stuper.

Q. What should you say to a guy who is anxious about having diarrhea?
A. Dude, don't lose your shit!

Q. What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
A. One pricks your finger and the other fingers your prick. OUCH!

Did you hear about the guy who always takes blurry pictures in the bathroom mirror after taking a hot shower? He has a high selfie steam problem.

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road to go to the urinal?
A. Because that's where all the cocks hang out.

Q. Why did the guy always smash up bathrooms decorated with ceramics?
A. Because he had a wreck tile dysfunction!

Q. Why is sperm white and urine yellow?
A. So that men can tell if they're coming or going!

Q. Why did the guy have to take a urine test today?
A. His kleptomania had gotten out of hand...

Q. Why do men hate peeing in the child-sized urinals?
A. Because that's beneath them.

Q. What do you get when blind guy tries to talk to you at a urinal?
A. Wet.

A guy walks into the urologist's office carrying a console and says, "Doc, I think there's something wrong with my wii."

Q. How are urinals made functional?
A. They get installed.

Q. When the urinal said, "You're full of shit," what did the toilet say?
A. Piss Off.

Q. What kind of car did the superstitious man get to prevent constipation?
A. A BMW.

Q. Why should you never trust a man who is constipated?
A. Because they really are full of shit.

Q. What does a superstitious man say to prevent constipation when he sees a stray cat?
A. Skat!

Q. What does a guy call it when he's diagnosed with paranoia and constipation?
A. Scared Shitless!

Q. Why did the apathetic old man hope he'd finally die of constipation?
A. So that people would know he didn't give a shit, all the way to the bitter end.

Q. Why did the guy name his toilet Jim?
A. So that he could tell everybody that he goes to the Jim everyday.

Q. What happened to the guy who had a toilet paper display collapse on him at the store?
A. He suffered from soft tissue damage.

Q. What did the constipated guy say to the stubborn stool?
A. You may think you're the shit, but to me you're just a turd waiting to be flushed.

Q. What do you call an inlisted guy in the army who only farts in the barracks?
A. A private tooter.

A guy saw a penny in a urinal and wondered what they'd wished for. Now, he's wishing for a dry pocket...

Q. Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?
A. Because he was dribbling.

Q. What does a baker call it when he's quietly stealing away in the restroom for a moment?
A. Pinching a loaf.

Q. Why did the little boy throw a pencil in the toilet?
A. Because it was a No. 2.

Q. How does a swimmer piece of shit greet the rest of the guys in the pool?
A. What's crappening, turds!

Q. Why was the guy alarmed after using the toilet and taking a really huge dump?
A. Because he feared he lost one turd of his weight.

Q. What happened to the guy who did a study on the minimal amount of toilet paper that can be used?
A. He had a real breakthrough.

Q. What did the shrink say to the guy who was compelled to use far too much toilet paper?
A. You are just being anal.

Q. Why should you always tip the bathroom attendant?
A. Because he's one guy who has certainly seen some sh*t.

Q. How does a computer programmer deal with constipation?
A. He just downloads a log.

Q. Why wasn't the guy looking for the best constipation medicine?
A. Because he knew #2 would do.

Q. What did one turd ask his hot date?
A. Is that love in the air?

Did you hear about the guy at Burger King who took a dump in the restroom? Naturally, it was a Whopper.

Q. How does an Aussie toilet greet you?
A. Bidet, Mate!

Q. What do you call two guys using the same urinal?
A. Peers.

Q. Why did the Scotsman have to see an urologist?
A. 'Cause he had a wee bit of a problem.

Did you know Chuck Norris had the idea to can his urine as a beverage? It's marketed under the name, Red Bull.

Q. Why did they stop manufacturing the extra strength Chuck Norris brand toilet paper?
A. Because it didn't take any shit from anybody!

Q. What would you find in Superman's bathroom?
A. The Super Bowl!

Q. What is the difference between a neurologist and an urologist?
A. Nothing, if you're a dickhead.

Q. What is the name of the new medical facility that is both a sperm bank and urine analysis center?
A. Coming and Going.

Q. How does a guy describe running out of toilet paper when you have diarrhea?
A. A very bad shit-uation!

Q. How did one guy get over his chronic diarrhea?
A. He made some positive lifestyle changes and really got his shit together.

Q. What is the definition of bravery and guts?
A. A guy with diarrhea chancing a fart.

Q. What did the guy with diarrhea say to the guy with constipation?
A. I shit, you not!

Did you hear about the guy with diarrhea? The doctor gave him pills and told him to take one after each episode. Unfortunately, all the episodes were reruns...

Q. What happened when the guy called in sick to work because he had diarrhea?
A. His boss told him to get his shit together.

Did you hear about the guy who claims he gets diarrhea every time he goes to Taco Bell? Moron! Why doesn't he just order tacos instead?

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