What is a halfway home?
A. Second base.
What do ballpark spectators have in common with baseball
players during a losing series?
A. Both just want to get home.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
A. 'Cause they don't know where home is.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
A. They touch home base every once in a while.
What do you call 14 days celebrating tree houses, couch
cushion lean-tos, and cardboard box buildings?
A. A Fortnight!
What do you call the horse that lives next door?
What do you get if you cross a horse and a smoke alarm?
A. Neigh Buzz.
What is it called when you see nothing of interest while
looking at an expanse of land?
A. A bland-scape.
Thunderstorm Fact: When your neighbor's house gets struck
by lightning, it really hits close to home.
What is it called when a duck farts in your backyard pond?
A. Water fowl.
What did the apartment sing to the landlord?
A. Please Re-Lease Me!
Why couldn't they lease the available house?
A. Because the highway next door was a real deter-rent.
Why did the newlywed couple choose to build their home in
that new subdivision?
A. Because it had lots to offer.
Waht do Lego figures do when they want to have a little
fun in the neighborhood?
A. They have a block party.
What did the frustrated homeowner in Arizona do when his
air conditioner broke down again?
A. He vented his anger on the HvAC guy.
How does everybody in the neighborhood feel about the persistent
replacement window salesman?
A. Clearly, he's a real pane in the neck.
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife?
A. A grenade will only blow the neighbor once. An electrician
finally gets home at 3:00 a.m. His wife asked, "Wire you
insulate?" He replied, "Watt's it to you? I'm ohm, aren't
Why did Thomas Edison fill his attic with helium?
A. Because he wanted a light house.
Which kind of building weighs the least?
A. A Lighthouse.
house has an open door policy. Bring beer, and we'll open
Why did Blondie bring a ladder to the bar?
A. Because the drinks were on the house.
Groan of the Day: A guy who loves throwing house warming
parties is back in jail. The cops call it arson.
guy came home late after his poker game and saw a note on
the refrigerator saying, "This isn't working. I'm going
to my mother's house." He opened the fridge. The light was
on and the beer was cold, so he wasn't sure what she was
Why shouldn't you play poker with a plumber?
A. A good flush beats a full house any day!
didn't want to believe my roomate was stealing stuff from
his road construction job, but when I got home all the signs
If you dumbly lock yourself in the cellar, what happens
when you break out.
What did the stoner call his girlfriend who had a houseful
of cats on catnip?
A. Meowy Jane.
What do you call a guy who won't rap on doors and only uses
What do the neighbors call it when migratory loons dropped
into their hot tub?
A. Duck soup.