Groaner: A Book Just Fell On My Head. I've Only Got My Shelf To Blame. - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Q. What kind of fungus might grow in a toilet? A. Toadstools!
Did you hear about the new flooring at the daycare center? It's called infant tile!
Did you hear the jjoke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Q. What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base? A. A Flat Major!

Hulk Asks: If a shutter has a lotus flower pattern on every slat, is it lily louvered?

You might be from Denver if you remember Jake Jabs playing the guitar at Evo's Time Out bar in Littleton!


Furniture Jokes, Chair Humor, Couch Puns
Sit and relax with funny furniture jokes, pillow puns, home furnishing humor and bed jokes.

Sofa Jokes, Furniture Humor, Bed Puns
(Because Home Furniture Jokes and Bad Chair Day Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Couch Potatoes!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Stoolish humor, sheety jokes, pillowing laughter and chairy funny puns ahead.
| Furniture Jokes | Underwear Jokes, Ample Bra Puns, and Brief Laughs | Eyeglasses Jokes |
| Fashion Jokes, Clothing Puns | Fashion Designer Jokes | Hat Puns | Shirt Jokes | Pants Jokes |
| Colorado Fashion Jokes | Shoe Jokes | Sock Jokes | Women's Fashion, Ladies Apparel Puns |

The lazy trainer just sits around doing nothing. He's such a couch potato!Q. What do you call the head of a recliner factory? A. The chairman!Hulk Asks: What do you call it if two seats buckle under you in one day? A. A bad chair day!

Q. Which piece of furniture are you least likely to get pregnant on?
A. A pull-out couch!

Q. What is it call when Dracula rearranges the furniture in his castle?
A. Fang Shui.

Q. What's a great name for an old dilapidated sofa?
A. Divan the Terrible.

Q. What happened when the comedian's resolution was to stop telling furniture jokes on New Years Day?
A. Sofa so good.

Q. What do you say if you've lost 20% of your couch?
A. Ouch!

Q. What do chairs think about all day?
A. Oh great, here comes another asshole.

Q. What did the shrink call his comfy new couch?
A. A comfort zone.

Q. How do you know you really love your furniture?
A. You and your recliner go way back!

Q. Why did the guy like watching videos about portable furniture?
A. He liked seeing how it all unfolds.

Q. Why was the CEO of the recliner chair company fired today?
A. 'Cause he was just too laid back.

Q. What did the apathetic Aussie guy say when his wife wanted him to assemble new DIY furniture from a chain store?
A. Does it look like IKEA?

Q. What does IKEA furniture do if it's stolen?
A. It activates a shelf destruct sequence.

Q. Why was the couch afraid of the chair?
A. 'Cause the chair was armed!

Q. What happened after the guy who was fired from his job as a furniture upholsterer?
A. He never did fully recover...

Q. Which type of chair does a big tired dog prefer?
A. A bark-a-lounger.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever to shopping for furniture with a constipated man?
A. 'Cause he can never pass a stool.

Q. Why is your new chair so light?
A. 'Cause it's 60% air!

Q. What happened to the infamous furniture robber when he was finally caught?
A. He got the chair.

Q. Why was't the guy a big fan of chairs?
A. Because they go against everything he stands for.

Q. Why did the guy identify himself as a chair?
A. 'Cause he had good legs and liked when girls sat on him.

Q. Why didn't the guy buy the massive hardwood bookcase he really liked?
A. 'Cause his wife shelved the idea.

Q. What's an apt name for an easy chair salesman? A. Rick Kleiner!New Designer Corduroy Pillows ARE Making HeadlinesQ. What did the blanket say to the bed? A. Don't worry, I've got you covered!

Q. Why didn't the guy buy the pricey new recliner he wanted?
A. Because it wasn’t in his comfort zone.

Q. What happened when a truck carrying intestines for transplant collided with a truck hauling chairs on the highway?
A. It was a catastrophic bowel movement, and bits of stool went everywhere!

Q. Why did the furniture store donate so much to good causes?
A. The owners are really into chair-ity.

Q. Where did the Turk shop for a stylish footstool?
A. The Ottoman Empire.

Q. Why couldn't the Buddha vacuum under the couch?
A. 'Cause he had no attachments.

Q. What happens if you argue with the salesman at the kitchen furniture store?
A. He offers a lot of counter arguments.

Q. Why are memory foam pillows such a headache?
A. 'Cause when you put your head on one, you remember all the mistakes you made during the day.

Q. What is a Scientologist's favorite kitchen furniture?
A. Elron's Cupboard.

Q. What do you call 14 days celebrating tree houses, couch cushion lean-tos, and cardboard box buildings?
A. A Fortnight!

Powerful Furniture Laugh of the Day: A guy bought his mother-in-law a chair for her birthday, but his wife wouldn't let him plug it in.

Q. What do you call a guy on the electric chair who refuses to be blindfolded?
A. Popeye.

Q. Why isn't your IKEA furniture holding up?
A. You only have your shelf to blame.

Q. What does the ginger bread man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet.

Q. How can you make a water bed more bouncy?
A. Fill it with spring water.

Q. What do you call a male cat sleeping on a bed?
A. Himalayan.

Q. What should you do if you think the blanket needs messing up?
A. Get ready to rumple.

Q. Where does a chic ghost shop for new bedsheets?
A. At a boo-tique.

Q. What is it called when a big bird straps you in a chair and holds a gun to your head?
A. Being held ostrich.

Q. Why did the blonde go to bed at night?
A. Because the bed won't come to you. Duh!

Q. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? A. "Oh, Sheet!"Q. Why did the picture go to jail? A. It was framed!Q. Why does a milking stool only have three legs? A. Because the cow has the udder!

Q. What is the Furniture Disease?
A. When your chest hangs down past your drawers.

Q. What happens if you attempt to sit on Death's couch?
A. There will be grim reaper cushions.

Q. Why did the first time homeowner turn down free chairs and a sofa?
A. Because he was taught not to accept suites from strangers.

Furniture Store Pick-Up Line: Baby, give me the couch 'cause I need some sectional healing.

Q. Why did the guy enjoy hunting lounge chairs?
A. It wasn't the thrill of the kill, but the pursuit and chaise.

Q. Which Mexican carpenter soap opera star always brags about never sleeping with the same gringa twice?
A. Juan Nightstand.

Q. Why did the worker quit his job at the rug factory?
A. He heard layoffs were looming.

Q. Which brand of underwear do rug makers wear?
A. Fruit of the Loom.

Q. Why did the blonde take the mirror inspector job at the factory?
A. 'Cause she could see herself doing that.

Q. What happened when the woman noticed that her brand new mirror was cracked?
A. She was beside herself.

A guy thought he won the battle with his wife about how to arrange the dining room furniture. But, when he got home from work, the tables were turned.

Q. Why did the elderly guy complain about the stair lift?
A. 'Cause it was driving him up the wall!

Q. Why aren't there any chairs at the Democratic National Headquarters?
A. Because everybody there is left leaning.

Q. What happens when King Awesome sits on the couch?
A. He becomes Sofa King Awesome!

Q. Why did the guy get the Employee of the Month award at the kitchen furniture manufacturing company?
A. Because his work was counter productive.

Q. Which kind of doctor also specializes in interior design?
A. A room-atologist.

Q. How long did the rare antiques auction go on?
A. Until the bidder end.

Q. Why did the guy just hate reclining chairs?
A. 'Cause he just can't stand them!

Q. What do you call a round of musical chairs played on toilets?
A. Game of Thrones.

Q. What do unused chairs and idle office workers have in common?
A. Both sit at a desk all day and do nothing.

Q. Which country makes the most rocking chairs?
A. Morocco.

Q. What do you call two nerds dry humping on the couch?
A. Science friction.

Sofa Point to Ponder: When you find small change under the couch, is that just spiders trying to pay their rent?

Q. What do termites call the wood on some dining furniture?
A. Table food.

Q. Why did a factory fire the quilt maker?
A. Because her work was very patchy.

Cheesy Pick-Up Line: Gnirl, not to brag, but I'm grate in bread!Q. What season is it if you're on a trampoline? A. It's Spring Time!Chip Asks: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow? A. He wanted to have sweet dreams!

Q. What happened when the guy wanted a soft mattress but his wife didn't?
A. She took a firm stand.

Q. Why didn't the guy's wife want him to buy their new mattress at Beds Beds Beds?
A. 'Cause their motto is: "We stand behind every mattress we sell."

Furniture Groan of the Day: My wife sent me to sleep on the couch. It's just like camping, but with a big angry bear in the next room.

Q. What happened after the guy bought his wife a water bed?
A. They drifted apart.

Salesman: Which mattress would you liket?
Customer: I don't know. Let sleep on it.

Q. What happens when the guy took both Ambien and Viagra before going to bed?
A. He had a long hard sleep.

Q. What is something most people lie about?
A. A bed.

Q. Why did the guy have a couch in his bedroom?
A. It gave him a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Q. Do old hide-a-bed designers ever die?
A. No, they just roll away.

Q. Why did the cops detain the mattress store delivery truck driver that sped by?
A. Because he could blow their cover.

Q. What was in the Bedrock bed with Wilma Flintstone?
A. Fred's pllar.

Old mattresses never die, but they do lose their spring.

Q. What happened when a married guy replaced their bed with a trampoline?
A. His wife went through the roof.

Q. Which kind of seat does a metal band drummer sit on?
A. A rocking chair.

Q. What do you say when you've finally found the perfect bedroom dresser?
A. Chest my luck!

Q. What did the shoppers say when the salesman asked how their hunt for the perfect couch was going?
A. Sofa, so good.

Q. What happened to the guy who drank furniture polish and died?
A. It's a sad story with a beautiful finish.

Q. Why is it so wrong to bully somebody in a wheelchair?
A. 'Cause they can't stand up for themself.

Q. What do you call a witty comedian in a wheelchair?
A. A quip-ple.

Q. What do you call two people in a wheelchair?
A. A pair of plegics.

Q. What happened to the guy at the couch factory who was shot multiple times with an upholstery gun?
A. He's now fully recovered.

Q. What do you call somebody who reupholsters their sofa in really expensive fabric?
A. Materialistic.

Q. Why did the mattress need to go see a doctor?
A. Because it had spring fever.

Q. Why did the guy go to the home furnishings store called "Hooker Furniture?
A. He was looking for one nightstand.

Q. What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A. A cherry on a float.

Q. What is the best tool for locating furniture in the dark?
A. Your pinkie toe!

Q. Why did the blonde open a bar without any furniture?
A. She wanted it to be the best, bar none.

Q. What do couch potatoes evolve into?
A. Computer chips.

Q. What did the blanket say while it was siipping off the bed?
A. Oh sheet!

Q. What is Irish and lives right outside your back door?
A. Paddy O'Furniture.

Q. What do Brits call a couch that can see into the future?
A. A sofar.

Q. What are those broken condoms doing on our couch?
A. John, the kids have names...

Q. Why did the old furniture upholsterer die?
A. He just couldn't recover.

Q. What do you call shoppers waiting in line to purchase a chair?
A. Buy-standers.

Q. Do old sofa upholsterers ever die?
A. No, because they always recover.

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