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Q. What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A. A bed!
Please stop the cow puns? I'm calving nightmares!
Q. Why couldn't Dracua's wife get to sleep? A. Because of his coffin!
Tuesday is Snooze Day. Snore!

Batman asks: What does Batgirl wear to bed? A. Her Dark Knight Gown!
Q. What do you call a temporary lack of inspiration? A. Apnea!
After a long day frightening people, the legendary horseman was a sleepy head!

 


Sleep Jokes, Nap Puns, Bedding Humor
Dream on with sheety pillow puns, dreamy laughs, under cover humor and tired blanket jokes.

Bed Jokes, Snoozer Puns, Sleepy Humor
(Because Sweet Dream Jokes and Nightmare Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream When You Can't Catch a Few ZZZs!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Bedroom jokes, asleep humor, bedtime laughs and alarming pillow puns ahead.
| Bed Jokes | Morning Laughs | Noon Jokes | Night Humor | Insult Jokes | Compliment Jokes |
| Blonde Jokes | Bad Hair Puns | Bald Jokes | Hipster LOLs | Psychic Jokes | Hot Puns | Cold Jokes |
| Furniture Jokes | Fashion Jokes | Underwear Puns | Divorce Jokes | Traffic Jokes | Manly Jokes |

Q. Why did the blonde take a nap on the toilet? A. Because it's in the rest room!
 
Q. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? A. "Oh, Sheet!"
 
Beer-drinking chimps says: When my friend fell asleep at the bar, I poured ale on him. It was a brewed awakening!

Miserable Monday LOL: Rolling out of bed on Monday morning is easy, but getting up off the floor is another story.

Q. Which day of the week does your alarm clock like best?
A. Saturday, because it gets a day off and a chance to sleep in!

Patient: Doc, I think I'm turning into a bedside clock!
Shrink: There is no need to be alarmed.

Q. What happened when a married guy replaced their bed with a trampoline?
A. His wife went through the roof.

Q. When does a werewolf go to bed early?
A. When he's was dog tired!

Q. What is something most people lie about?
A. A bed.

Q. Where does a chic ghost shop for new bedsheets?
A. At a boo-tique.

Q. Why shouldn't you share your bed with a pig?
A. Because they hog the covers!

Q. How can you make a water bed more bouncy?
A. Fill it with spring water.

Q. What happened after the guy bought his wife a water bed?
A. They drifted apart.

Q. Why did the guy stop dating the lady electrician he met online?
A. Because she was too shocking in bed.

Q. Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes shut?
A. To see what she looked like asleep.

Fitness Failure: I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.

Q. What do you call a male cat sleeping on a bed?
A. Himalayan.

Q. Where can a tired fisherman catch a quick nap?
A. In a river bed.

Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A. he didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
 
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination
 
Sweet dreams are made of cheese1 Who am I to dis a brie?

A nurse awakens the patient and says, "Wake up Mr. Jones. It's time for you to take your sleeping pills."

Q. What happens when the guy took both Ambien and Viagra before going to bed?
A. He had a long hard sleep.

The crusty old doctor did have a nasty, and callous bedside manner. But, he did mean well.

Sick Point to Ponder: When a doctor prescribes medicine and bed rest, is that considered aiding and abedding?

Accountant: Doc, I just can't fall asleep at night.
Doctor: Have you tried counting sheep?
Accountant: Yes, that's the problem. I make a mistake and then spend all night trying to find it.

A guy had a photographic memory that never developed... Orange you glad he woke up? That dream blue his mind.

Patient: Doc, I'm having nightmares about a massive void.
Shrink: Don't worry. It's nothing.

A man tells his shrink that he's having recurring dreams. One night he's a tepee and the next he's a wigwam... The shrink replied, "I think you're too tents."

Q. What do you call a sticky nightmare about swimming in an ocean of orange soda?
A. A Fanta Sea.

Q. How do you know you've had the best Friday night you could?
A. 'Cause you can sleep in as late as you want to or need to on Saturday morning!

Q. Where does a burger get a good night's sleep?
A. On a bed of lettuce!

Saturday Morning Pick-Up Line: Is your name Dawn? 'Cause pinch me, I must be dreaming.

Q. Why was the Olympic runner still in bed?
A. He was fast asleep.

Did you hear about the accountant who counted sheep in bed? He made a miscount in the first hour and stayed awake all night trying to figure it out.

Q. How do sheep fall asleep?
A. By counting humans.

Q. Why did the farmer fire the corn?
A. For sleeping on the cob.

Q. Why was the police officer sleepig on the job? A. He was under cover!
 
I used to work in a blanket factory, but then it folded.
 
Chip Asks: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow? A. He wanted to have sweet dreams!

Q. Why did Lois Lane break up with Superman?
A. Because she knew there wasn't really any kryptonite under the bed!

Q. How did Lois Lane know that was Superman in bed?
A. Because he always came as fast as he could!

Q. Where does a spy sleep?
A. Undercover.

Q. What do you call a sleepy policeman?
A. An undercovers cop.

Q. Why did the janitor's wife divorce him?
A. He was sweeping around.

Q. What happened to the bed bugs that hooked up on Valentine's Day? A. They got married
in the spring.

Q. Do old hide-a-bed designers ever die?
A. No, they just roll away.

Q. How do Santa's reindeer make their beds?
A. With snow blankets and sheets of ice!

Q. Why did the guy quit his job making furniture out of plants?
A. Because it was no bed of roses.

Q. What do you say when you've finally found the perfect bedroom dresser?
A. Chest my luck!

Q. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed on Saturday night?
A. A cookie sheet.

Q. Why did the blonde put an alarm clock inside her running shoe?
A. She didn't want her foot to fall asleep.

Q. Why did the guy have a couch in his bedroom?
A. It gave him a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Q. What is it called when it's harder and harder to get out of bed each Monday morning?
A. A wakening week-en-ing.

Cheesy Pick-Up Line: Gnirl, not to brag, but I'm grate in bread!
 
Q. Where does a ghost go to take a nap? A. The dead-room!
 
New Designer Corduroy Pillows ARE Making Headlines

Q. What did the cannibal have after a one-night stand?
A. Breakfast in bed.

Q. Why didn't the guy's wife want him to buy their new mattress at Beds Beds Beds?
A. 'Cause their motto is: "We stand behind every mattress we sell."

Q. Why did stoneage humans do it standing up?
A. 'Cause bed rock.

Caveman Hookup Line: Hey Betty, I know Iím not Barney Rubble, but I will make your bedrock!

Q. Why did the janitor want a divorce?
A. His wife was sweeping around with other men.

Patient: Doc, I keep dreaming there's a monster under my bed. What can I do?
Shrink: Saw the legs off your bed frame.

Q. What do you call a skeleton that won't get out of bed in the morning?
A. Lazy Bones!

Q. Why did the skeleton cry himself to sleep every night?
A. Because he was empty inside.

Q. What bedtime story do little witches like?
A. Ghoul-di-locks and the Three Scares.

Q. What is inscribed on the tombstone of the Frankenstein monster?
A. Rest in Pieces.

Q. What do you get with a corduroy condom?
A. A Groovy Kind of Love.

Q. What was in the Bedrock bed with Wilma Flintstone?
A. Fred's pllar.

Patient: Last night I dreamed that I ate a giant marshmallow.
Shrink: I see. What's wrong with that?
Patient: In the morning, my pillow was gone.

Q. Why did the pillow need a doctor's appointment?
A. Because it was feeling all stuffed up, especially last night.

Q. What does a janitor do at night?
A. Sweep.

How do alien parents get Baby ET to sleep? They just rocket!
 
Hey Gnirl, remember me? No? Oh that's right.. I've only met you in my dreams!
 
What do aliens wear to bed? Space Jammies!

Q. What did the sleep-deprived rancher say to his cow who was mooing into the wee hours?
A. It's pasture bedtime!

Q. What do you call owls that only hunt at night?
A. Bedtime preyers.

The boss at the pub approached the bartender and asked if he'd been sleeping with the waitress. The bartender said, "No." Boss replied, "Good. Then you go fire her."

Q. What did the blanket say while it was siipping off the bed?
A. Oh sheet!

Q. What kind of horse does a monster ride?
A. A nightmare!

Q. What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A. A cherry on a float.

Caveman Valentine's Day Pick-Up Line: I might not be Fred Flinstone, but I can make your Bedrock.

Q. What happens if a psychiatrist and a prostitute spend the night together?
A. In the morning, each of them says, "$200 Please."

Q. Why do witches only ride their brooms at night?
A. Because that's the best time to go to sweep.

Friday Night Anti Pick-Up Line: It's Friday night and I have a date with my bed and my pajamas.

Q. What did the blonde say to the noisy plumbers who were fixing her sink while she was trying to sleep?
A. Pipe down!

Q. Why did the blonde go to bed at night?
A. Because the bed won't come to you. Duh!

| Bed Jokes | Morning Laughs | Noon Jokes | Night Humor | Insult Jokes | Compliment Jokes |
| Furniture Jokes | Underwear Jokes, Ample Bra Puns, and Brief Laughs | Eyeglasses Jokes |
| Fashion Jokes and Clothing Puns | 2 | 3 | Hat Jokes, Cap Puns | Pants Jokes, Trouser Humor |
| Fashion Designer Jokes | Colorado Fashion | Shirt Jokes | Perfume Puns | Salesman Jokes |
| Shoe Jokes, Sole-ful Puns | Sock Jokes, Hosiery Puns | Women's Fashion, Ladies Apparel Puns |
| Bad Hair Jokes and Barber Puns | 2 | Men's Hair Jokes, Bald Puns | Wig Jokes, Toupee Puns |
| Hair Salon Jokes and Stylist Puns | Blonde Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Hookup Lines |
| Shopping Jokes, Sale Puns | Store Jokes, Shop Puns | Grocery Store Jokes, Supermarket Puns |
| Groaner Jokes | Daily Groans | Money Jokes | Colorful Puns | Light Bulb Jokes | Travel Jokes |

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You're still wide awake, so here's even more dreamy laughter, sheety jokes,
nightmare humor and alarming painful puns that won't put you to sleep:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Alien Jokes | Beer Jokes | Colorful Puns | Colorado Jokes | Dating Jokes | Detective Jokes | Druggust Laughs |
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| Seasonal Laughs | Shrink Jokes | Sports Jokes | Superman Puns | Timely Laughs | Toilet Humor | Ufology Jokes |

Bartender Puns, Bar HumorSick Puns, Healthy Laughs Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes
Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Cheesy Puns & Sharp Humor

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