Q. What does a barefoot man get if he steps on an electric wire? A. A pair of shocks!   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Q. Do
old gym socks
ever die?

A. No,
they just smell
that way.


Q. What do
they call
the top
broker on
Wall Street?

A. The
Stock King.


Q. Do old
fishnet hose
ever die?

A. No,
they just lose
their soles.



Pantyhose Jokes, Hosiery Humor, Sock Puns
Run along with garden hose humor, wooly funny stocking puns, and stinking hilarious sock jokes.

Stocking Jokes, Smelly Socks Puns, Hose Humor
('Cause Sock It To Me Jokes and Silk Stalking Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If Your Right Sock's Gone Missing!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Argyle sock jokes, hole-y hose humor, and smelly fishnet stockings puns ahead.
| Sock Jokes, Hosiery Puns | Shoe Jokes, Sole-ful Puns | Women's Fashion, Ladies Apparel Puns |
| Shirt Jokes | Fashion Designer Jokes | Colorado Fashion Jokes | Perfume Puns | Smelly Jokes |
| Hat Humor and Cap Puns | Pants Jokes and Trouser Humor | Fashion Jokes and Clothing Puns |
| Underwear Jokes, Ample Bra Puns | Scary Fashion Puns | Eyeglasses LOLs | Furniture Jokes |

Q. What kind of socks does a gardener wear? A. Garden Hose!

Q. Why did
the golfer

wear two pairs
of socks?

A. In case he gets a
hole in one.

Q. How can you tell if a woman is wearing panty hose? A. If she farts, her ankles swell up!

Q. Why couldn't the pair of socks get along?
A. Because they both thought they were right!

Q. What is the fear of taking off your socks called?
A. Cold feet.

Q. How are a camera a socks different?
A. A camera takes photos, but a sock takes five toes.

Q. How can you tell when a new stocking company is doing really well?
A. They're getting new orders, left over right!

Q. Why is it so hard to decide which kind of socks to buy?
A. 'Cause they're all so com-pair-able.

Q. What don't we tell Painful Puns about gym socks?
A. Because they would really stink!

Q. Which kind of socks do successful baseball players wear?
A. Stockings with runs in them.

Q. How do you know you've done well at strip poker?
A. You've played your socks off.

Q. Which kind of hosiery does the angler's sexy wife wear?
A. Fishnet stockings.

Q. How hard was it for the guy to start the company that manufactures clown socks?
A. It was no small feet!

Q. How do you describe the pain of losing your favorite sock?
A. Unpairable.

Q. How do gym socks feel when you finally take them off after a long day?
A. Defeeted.

Q. How many animals can fit into a pair of pantyhose?
A. Ten little piggies, two calves, one ass, one beaver and several thousand hares.

Q. What do pantyhouse and Brooklyn have in common?
A. Flatbush.

Q. How are men and pantyhose alike?
A. Either they cling, or they run, or they don't fit right in the crotch.

Sheer Stocking Laugh of the Day: The guy who invented pantyhose really left a legacy.

Q. Whath was the reason the pantyhose salesman quit the job?
A. Too many snags.

Q. What did mod fishnet hose say during the fab the 1960s?
A. Sock it to me!

Q. Who was
the most

A. Sockrates.

Q. What kind of socks do pirates wear? A. Arrrgyles!

Q. What
do you call a
with smelly socks?

A. Ex-stinked!

Q. How do socks illustrate the concept of quantum entanglement?
A. The instant you put on your left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa – regardless of the distance between them.

Q. Why do you only get holes in your left socks?
A. 'Cause you're not wearing them right.

Q. Where does hosiery go dancing?
A. At a sock hop.

Q. How does a farmer mend his holy sock?
A. with a strawberry patch.

Q. What did the left sock say to the right sock in the dryer?
A. See you round next time.

Q. What do you get if you cross a fishing lure with a gym sock?
A. A hook, line, and stinker!

Q. Why did the guy jerk off into one of his socks?
A. 'Cause he wanted to get off on the right foot.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the creeper hosiery?
A. For stocking.

Q. How can you make a noisy washing machine quiet down?
A. Put a sock in it.

Q. Why don't Colorado bears wear shoes and socks?
A. What's the point? They'd still have bear feet!

Q. Why did the blonde sock designer have his eyes replaced with yarn balls?
A. Because he wanted fiber optics.

Q. What do stockings in Chicago find depressing?
A. Da feet.

Q. What do you call parts of a London police officer's uniform? A. Bobby socks!

Q. Which
socks should
you wear
to church?


Q. Why did the monster's mother knit hm three socks for Halloween? A. He grew another foot!

Q. Why shouldn't tourists buy London Bridge Socks?
A. Because they keep falling down.

Q. How must you address the snooty soux chef at the castle?
A. Sir Stock King.

Q. What is the hoseiery capital of Sweden?
A. Sockholm.

Q. Where can you go if you want to trade socks?
A. Wool Street.

Q. Where do old stockings go when they die?
A. If they're hole-y, they go to heaven. But if they stink to high heaven, they go to hell.

Q. Why should you buy atheist socks?
A. 'Cause they're not holy.

Q. What did the new hosiery say to the holy stocking?
A. It socks to be you.

Q. Why is it a good thing to have a hole in your sock?
A. So you can put it on.

Q. What did the hat say to the pair of socks?
A. I'll go on a head, you just pace yourself.

Q. What do kid stockings say when they play catch?
A. Sock it to me.

Q. What color socks do bruins wear?
A. They don't wear socks – they go bear footed.

Q. How are children like socks?
A. Sometimes they go missing.

Q. Why
did the opera
diva only
sing about

A. She was an all-toe singer.

Q. What is a child's favorite Christmas king? A. A Stocking!

Q. When are
old sock great
for golf?

A. When they have 18 holes
in them.

Q. What do you get if you play the piano with your stocking feet?
A. Footnotes.

Q. Who wrote the definitive book about ballerina fashion?
A. Leo Tard. But his little dog, Tutu, helped.

Q. What do you call somebody who likes to mix and match their stockings?
A. Hetero-sock-ual.

Q. What do you call a person who only likes their own type of hosiery?
A. Homo-sock-ual.

Q. How do corn famers decorate at Christmas time?
A. They hang stalkings from the fireplace mantel.

Q. Why did the stressed out Christmas stocking have to take a year off?
A. To work on its mantel health.

Xmas Pick-Up Line: Baby, your Christmas sock isn't the only thing I'll be stuffing tonight.

Q. Why did Santa leave the amputee an artifical leg for Christmas?
A. It was a stocking stuffer.

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. – Joan Rivers

Xmas Pick-Up Line: Hey Baby, the Christmas stockings are hung, and so am I.

Q. What do they call the wealthiest rancher in Wyoming?
A. The Stock King.

Q. What kind of socks does The Incredible Hulk wear to plant spinach?
A. Garden hose.

Bro at the Bar: Why are you wearing one red sock and one green sock?
Colorblind Guy: I don't know, but I have another pair just like these at home.

I used to have a couple of funny jokes about socks, but I lost one...

| Sock Jokes, Hosiery Puns | Shoe Jokes, Sole-ful Puns | Women's Fashion, Ladies Apparel Puns |
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