Q. How does a pirate declutter his ship? A. He has a Yarrrd Sale!   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Q. Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store? A. Somebody told him he was ripped!
Did you hear about the billboard that's for sale? A. The owner is happy to sign it over!

Q. What did the frame's tag say to the de-tagging gun? A. Ex-SKUs me!
Whoever said "money can't buy happiness" didn't know where to shop!
Q. Where do bananas shop for clothes? A. Banana Republic!


Sale Jokes, Bargain Humor, Salesman Puns
Spend along with purchasing puns, consumer humor, shopper laughs and price tag jokes.

Shopping Jokes, Shopper Puns, Humor on Sale
(Because Cheap Jokes and Great Price Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When Your Pants Are 50% Off!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Yard sale jokes, second hand humor, SKU LOLs and a good deal of puns ahead.
| Shopping Jokes, Sale Puns | Store Jokes, Shop Puns | Grocery Store Jokes, Supermarket Puns |
| Salesman Jokes | Furniture Jokes | Fashion Jokes | Hat Humor | Shirt Jokes | Pants Jokes |
| Women's Fashion, Ladies Apparel Puns | Shoe Jokes | Sock Puns | Colorado Fashion Jokes |
| Fashion Designer Jokes | Underwear Jokes, Ample Bra Puns, Brief Laughs | Eyeglasses Puns |

Q. What do you call a pickle you buy for a great price? A. A Sweet Dill!Ape says: I bought a pair of hiking boots in Colorado from a drug dealer! I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!Q. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply? A. He bought it on sail!

Q. Why did the blonde buy a tiny hot habanero pepper plant?
A. She wanted to spice up her backyard garden decor.

Q. Why did the gardener leave the store without a new shovel?
A. Because he simply didn't have enough cabbage.

I went to the grocery store for 6 Sprites, but when I got home I realized I picked 7 Up.

Q. Where do electricians prefer to do their shopping?
A. The outlet mall.

Q. Where does a chic ghost shop for new bedsheets?
A. At a boo-tique.

Q. Where do owls on a budget like to go shopping?
A. The owlet mall.

Q. What happened when the Dutch started making wooden shoes again?
A. All the stores were clogged!

Q. What is a centipede's most dreaded chore?
A. Shopping for new shoes.

Q. What is it called when you're out shoe shopping and find the perfect pair?
A. Sole mates.

A shopper at Target tried to buy one of those divider sticks, but the checkout clerk kept putting it back.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever go shopping for furniture with a constipated man?
A. 'Cause he can never pass a stool.

Q. What did the clerk at the Pike's Peak souvenir shop do when the tourist bought a bell?
A. He rang it up.

Q. Where do plastic surgeons shop before a boob job?
A. Breast Buy.

Q. What did the boat store call a big discount?
A. A two-for-one sail!

Point to Ponder: When boat shops sell sloops, cutters, and ketches, does the price include sails tax?

Q. What do you call shoppers waiting in line to purchase a chair?
A. Buy-standers.

Q. Which romantic song does a big wad of money sing to someone who's out on a shopping spree?
A. You Spend Me.

Centsless Shopper Tip of the Day: Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall.

At the supermarket, I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode, so I ased: "Are You Two An Item?"Tried to buy camouflage pants, but I just couldn't find anyChimp Chef Asks: How do you shop for just the right knife? A. Keep a sharp lookout!

Q. What happened to the guy who had a toilet paper display collapse on him at the store?
A. He suffered from soft tissue damage.

Grocery Store Cashier: Paper, or plastic?
Customer: Either. I'm bi-sack-tual.

Q. Why did the guy's wife always get so jealous when he went grocery shopping?
A. 'Cause somebody was always checking him out there.

Q. What happened to the grocery store shopper who viciously stabbed a box of Rice Krispies?
A. The cops arrested him for being a cereal killer.

Q. What is it called when you didn't plan on getting a lottery ticket, but you got one anyway?
A. Buy chance.

Did you see the sign outside the shop that said: 50% off Trousers? Actually, they were selling shorts!

Fashion Point to Ponder: Can a one-armed man buy clothing a second hand store?

Q. Why did the corporate stuffed shirt pass out while he was shopping for casual Friday attire?
A. We don't have the faintest idea…

I went shopping to find camouflage pants, but unfortunately, I simply couldn't find any. meme

Q. How was business at the new big and tall store going?
A. Buy and large, quite well.

Q. What do home inprovement shoppers call an inexpensive door handle displayed next to the pricey ones?
A. A hob knob.

Q. Why did the frugal chef go to so many stores to find the best prices for herbs?
A. He thought it was thyme well spent.

Went to the grocery store today for lemons and apples, but they didn't have any. It was a fruitless trip!

Q. Why did the shopper go to the grocery store wearing cowboy boots, a western shirt and a big belt buckle?
A. He wanted to buy some ranch dressing.

Spice Aisle Pick Up Line: Hey Herb, you cumin here often?

Q. What do you call Shanghai market workers who toss items in baskets?
A. Chinese checkers.

A guy in the grocery store express checkout register tried to buy one of those divider sticks, but the clerk kept putting it back.

Q. Why did Batman take Wonder Woman to a used car dealership? A. To use her lasso of truth on the salesman!I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.I used to be a Velcro salesman, but I could not stick with it.

Old car salesmen never die, they just go out of commission.

Q. Back in the day at the video store,what was the guy told when he asked to rent Batman Forever?
A. No, you have to bring it back on Thursday.

Q. Why is Wonder Woman's eye makeup always so alluring?
A. Because she's from Themyscira and Maybelline has an outlet store there.

Q. What do you call it when Bruce Banner goes shopping at Sam's Club?
A. The Incredible Hoard!

Q. What is it called if your surreptitiously pocket a pushpin out of an office supply store?
A. Sneak a tack.

Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a technology store sales person?
A. The car salesman knows he's lying!

I accidentally farted in the Apple Store and everybody was there was fairly offput. Hey, it's not my fault they don't have Windows there...

A blonde got a new cell phone from her hubbie. Next day she went shopping and her phone rang. Her husband asked, "How's your new phone?" She replied, "Great, but how'd you know I was at WalMart?"

Old computer salesmen never die, but they do get the boot.

Q. Why did the optimist go shopping for a digital camera in 1999?
A. 'Cause there were no negatives.

Q. What do you call it when David Banner goes shopping at Costco?
A. The Incredible Bulk!

Q. Do old underwear sales reps ever die?
A. No, they just lose their briefs.

Customer at Victoria's Secret: Is this underwear satin?
Blonde Sales Clerk: No, they're new.

Q. Why did the blonde pawn shop manager take the customer into the vault?
A. For safe sex.

Underwear Pick-Up Line: Girl, did you get those panties on sale? 'Cause at my house, they're 100% off.

Q. Do old underwear sales reps ever die?
A. No, they just lose their briefs.

Q. What's an apt name for an easy chair salesman? A. Rick Kleiner!Q. What do you call buying a piano for the holidays? A. Christmas Chopin!Q. Why did the man with one hand cross the road? A. To get to the second hand shop!

Q. What did the apathetic Aussie guy say when his wife wanted him to assemble new DIY furniture from a chain store?
A. Does it look like IKEA?

Q. What did the shoppers say when the salesman asked how their hunt for the perfect couch was going?
A. Sofa, so good.

Q. Why did the guy go out shopping at the home furnishings store called "Hooker Furniture?
A. He was looking for one nightstand.

Q. Why did the furniture store donate so much to good causes?
A. The owners are really into chair-ity.

Furniture Store Pick-Up Line: Baby, give me the couch 'cause I need some sectional healing.

Q. Where do Sith Lords go shopping?
A. Darth Mall.

Q. What is it called if shopping turns you on and makes you really horny?
A. Buy-sexual.

Q. What did the guy say when the salesman asked if he wanted to buy some geared cogwheels?
A. He said, "No, keep your pinions to ourself."

Q. Why didn't Handel go shopping?
A. Because he was baroque!

Q. What do you call last-minute holiday shoppers waiting in line to make their purchases?
A. Buy-standers.

Q. Where do werewolves go shopping for Christmas gifts?
A. Beast Buy.

Q. Why are sopranos so good at Christmas shopping?
A. They always manage to get Descant prices.

Q. What was the snowman doing at the grocery store?
A. Shopping for Frosted Flakes.

Q. Where does a hungry spirit go shopping for Christmas fruit cake?
A. The ghost-ery store.

Q. Why are sopranos so good at Christmas shopping?
A. They always manage to get descant prices without getting into treble.

Q. Why did the salesman at the expensive antique clock shop, with the snooty customers, quit his job?
A. He just didn't have time for that.

Q. How do old store cashiers die?
A. They just check out.

Q. What is Captain Hook's favorite place to shop on shore leave?
A. The second hand store.

Q. Why did Captain Hook cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop.

Q. Why did a one-armed bot cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop.

A blonde guy saw a sign on the corner by the pawn shop that read, "Watch for Children." So, he thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."

Q. What is the most expensive item at the dollar store?
A. The condoms. OUCH!

Q. What is 50 Cent's least favorite place to shop?
A. The dollar store.

Q. What is it called when a shopper has to try out an item before purchasing it?
A. Buy-curious.

Q. Why didn't the sole proprietor of the corner store want help selling his merchandise?
A. 'Cause he could vend for himself.

Q. Why did the golfer go shopping for two pairs of plaid pants?
A. In case he gets a hole in one.

| Shopping Jokes, Sale Puns | Store Jokes, Shop Puns | Grocery Store Jokes, Supermarket Puns |
| Salesman Jokes | Furniture Jokes | Fashion Designer Jokes | Colorado Fashion | Shirt Jokes |
| Fashion Jokes and Clothing Puns | 2 | 3 | Hat Jokes, Cap Puns | Pants Jokes, Trouser Humor |
| Women's Fashion, Ladies Apparel Puns | Shoe Jokes, Sole-ful Puns | Sock Jokes, Hosiery Puns |
| Underwear Jokes, Ample Bra Puns, and Brief Laughs | Perfume Humor | Eyeglasses Jokes |
| Bad Hair Jokes and Barber Puns | 2 | Men's Hair Jokes, Bald Puns | Wig Jokes, Toupee Puns |
| Hair Salon Jokes and Stylist Puns | Blonde Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Hookup Lines |
| Groaner Jokes | Daily Groans | Money Jokes | Colorful Puns | Light Bulb Jokes | Travel Jokes |

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| Psychic Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Sports Jokes | Tech Supoort Puns | Woman Jokes | Xmas Jokes | Yard Jokes |

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