I used to be a marathon runner, but I couldn't stand the agony of de feet.   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Crow Chef Asks. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A. Every morning, you rise and shine!
Chimp asks: What do you call two banana skins? A. A pair of slippers!
Q. Why did the fashion designer retire at the top of his career? A. Because he wanted to go out in style!
Hulk Says: Yuck, I just stepped in a big pile of Monday!

Q. What do you calll a pair of banana peels? A. Slippers!


Shoe Jokes, High Heel Humor, Footwear Puns
Boot up for well-heeled humor, sandal-ous puns, shoe laughs and high-larious stiletto jokes.

Funny Foot Puns, Shoe Jokes, Sole-ful Humor
(Because High-Stepping Shoe Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Clog Dancers or Big Toe Truck Drivers!)
Warning: Sandal with Care! Sneaker jokes, heel areas humor, loafer laughs, and smelly feet puns ahead.
Shoe Jokes | Sock Jokes | Women's Fashion, Ladies Apparel Puns | Colorado Fashion Jokes |
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Q. Why did a woman yeall "head for the heels" at her favorite shoe store? A. Because she loved elevating footware!Ape says: I bought a pair of hiking boots in Colorado from a drug dealer! I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!Did you hear about the grand opening of the new shoe store? TV news crews got a lot of footage!

Shoe Salesman Wisdom: Never tell a woman she can't purse-shoe her dreams!

Q. What do you say to a show dog wearing stilettos?
A. Heel!

Q. Which dinosaur wore stiletto heels?
A. The My-feet-are-saurus.

Q. What happened when the Dutch started making wooden shoes again?
A. All the stores were clogged!

Q. After the shoe factory burned down what did the firemen call the one shoe they were able to save?
A. The sole survivor.

Many shoe puns are are barely funny and other shoe jokes are just sandal-ous!

Q. How do you tie moon boots?
A. With an astronaut.

Q. What do you call a dinosaur with smelly feet?
A. Ex-stinked.

Q. Why did the chemist coat his shoes with silicone rubber?
A. Because he wanted to reduce his carbon footprint.

Q. Which kind of shoes does the stylish lady cashier at the gas station wear?
A. Pumps.

Q. What product warning comes along with open-toed shoes?
A. Sandal With Care!

Q. Which style of shoes should you wear while disecting a frog?
A. Open-toad.

Q. What does a cobbler use to repair shoes?
A. Toe Nails!

Q. Which old SNL comedian do flip flops still laugh at?
A. Adam Sandal-er.

Q. Why did Payless Shoes fire the sandals salesman?
A. 'Cause he didn't toe the line.

Happy Toes Day!Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of shoes? A. in case he gets a hole in one!Q. What kind of shoes do spies wear? A. Sneakers!

Q. Who was the most famous footwear philosopher?
A. Sockrates.

Q. What don't we tell painful puns about gym socks?
A. Because they would stink!

Q. Why is it so hard to decide which kind of socks to buy?
A. 'Cause they're all so com-pair-able.

Q. Why did the opera diva only sing about feet?
A. Because she was an all-toe singer.

Q. What did the shoe repair business owner call his business partner?
A. Sole Mate.

Q. How can you tell when a new shoe company is doing really well?
A. They're getting new orders, left over right!

Q. What do you call the winner of a long-standing fight?
A. Survival of the feetist.

Q. Which kind of shoes do plumbers like best?
A. Tap shoes.

Q. Which kind of shoes do plumbers absolutely detest?
A. Clogs.

Q. Where can you send a kid who just can't learn how to tie his shoes?
A. Boot Camp.

Q. What should you say to encourage a child when learning how to fasten his shoes?
A. Tie, tie again!

Q. What happened when the deisgner shoe factory had an explosion?
A. Many soles were lost.

Q. What's a cartoonist's favorite brand of sneakers?
A. Sketchers.

Did you hear about the company that went to great lenghts to manufacture clown shoes? It was no small feet!

Q. What do you call a bratty kid who ties some other kid's shoelaces together?
A. A Knotty Boy!

Q. Why couldn't the hikers cross the footbridge?
A. It had fallen arches.

Q. How hard was it for the guy to start the company that manufactures clown shoes?
A. It was no small feet!

Q. What do the two cousins who work at a ladies shoe store call each other?
A. Pump-kin.

Marathon runners with bad footwear, suffer the agony of da feet.Q. What do you have to do before getting into a designer dress? A. Get a foot in the Dior!A Bachelor's a Guy Who's Footloose and Fiance-Free.

Q. What did the ancient Greeks wear on their feet at the first Olympics?
A. Athletic Zeus.

Q. What is a foot surgeon's favorite Olympic sport?
A. Arch-ery.

Q. What do running shoes do when they forget something?
A. They jog their memory.

Q. What is the victory dance after the Super Bowl called?
A. The Foot-Ball.

Q. Can old shoe makers ever die?
A. No, but they can lose their soles.

Q. Why was the guy booted out of his job at the shoe factory?
A. Management said he had no sole.

Q. What kind of truck does a podiatrist drive?
A. A BIG Toe Truck!

Q. What do you get if you play the piano with your feet?
A. Footnotes.

Q. Why did the guy quit his job at the shoe recycling center?
A. Because it was sole depressing.

Old shoe salesmen never die, but they do get the boot.

Q. What did the ballet dancer say when she lost her shoes?
A. Sigh, this is pointeless.

Q. Why did the guy get the boot from the shoe factory?
A. The boss claimed he just didn't fit in and that he was a loafer.

Q. What kind of socks does Hulk wear to plant spinach?
A. Garden hose.

Q. Where does Star Trek's Mr. Worf go shopping for new footwear?
A. Kahless ShoeSource.

Q. Why was the shoe salesman always dancing around on the job?
A. 'Cause he had a lot of sole.

Q. Which kind of shoes do lazy people wear?
A. Loafers.

Q. Why couldn't the two feet get along?
A. Because they both thought they were right!

Q. Why did men invent high-heel shoes?
A. So the wife can put away dishes on the top shelf.

Happy Shoes Day!Marathon pun readers suffer the agony of the feet, as well!Q. If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make? A. Slippers!

Q. Why did the royal leader like his new shoes?
A. Because they were fit for a king.

Q. Why did the royal leader complain about his new shoes?
A. Because they were fit for aching!

Evil old cobblers never die, they just lose their souls.

Q. What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?
A. Lawyers have removable wingtips.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes to jump on a tramp.

Q. If you glue dollar bills to your sneakers, what would you call them?
A. Cashews.

Q. What is the difference between cowboy boots and engineer boots?
A. Cowboy boots have the bull crap on the outside.

Q. How do you measure a Lego Man for new shoes?
A. In square feet.

Q. If atheletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
A. Mistle Toe!

Q. Who always goes to bed with his shoes on?
A. A horse.

Q. What do you call a race horse with only two legs?
A. Goody Two Shoes.

Slippery old showshoe salesmen never die, but they are given the boot.

Q. What kind of hat does your leg wear?
A. A knee cap.

Q. What is a centipede's most dreaded chore?
A. Shopping for new shoes.

Q. What are flip-flops with Hot Wheels toy cars glued to the bottoms?
A. Makeshift roller skates. (That kid will likely grow up to be an engineer.)

Q. What do you get if somebody gifts you sheepskin boots and Hershey's bits?
A. Uggs and Kisses.

Q. Knock, Knock. Who's There?
A. Wooden shoe like to know!

Q. What kind of shoes do mice wear?
A. Squeakers.

Q. How did the cobbler refer to his wife?
A. As his sole mate.

Q. How did Germans tie their shoes during WWII?
A. With knotsies.

Q. Which kind of dinosaur wore cowboy boots?
A. The Bronco-saurus.

Q. What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?
A. I'm stuck on you!

Q. Why don't old cobblers die?
A. Because they've got so much sole.

Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning, you rise and shine!

Q. What did the hat say to the shoe?
A. I'll go on a head, you just pace yourself.

Q. Why did the cobbler quit his job?
A. It was a sole-less business.

Q. Which kind of shoes does Jason wear?
A. Crocs!

| Shoe Jokes, Sole-ful Puns | Sock Puns | Women's Fashion, Ladies Apparel Puns | Scary Clothes |
| Fashion Jokes and Clothing Puns | 2 | 3 | Hat Jokes, Cap Puns | Pants Jokes, Trouser Humor |
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| Hair Salon Jokes and Stylist Puns | Blonde Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Hookup Lines |
| Shopping Jokes, Sale Puns | Store Jokes, Shop Puns | Grocery Store Jokes, Supermarket Puns |
| Groaner Jokes | Daily Groans | Money Jokes | Colorful Puns | Light Bulb Jokes | Travel Jokes |

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