I used to be a marathon runner, but I couldn't stand the agony of de feet.   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? A. An arm and a leg!

Q. Why was teh rancher arrested at the gym? A. He was hurting his calves!
Q. How do you greet a Spanish pirate with a rubber toe? A. Hola Roberto!
Q. What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A. Show us your calves!
Marathon runners with bad footwear, suffer the agony of da feet.
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground Beef


Leg Jokes, Knee Puns, Calf Humor, Leg Day Laughs
Strut along with long-legged puns, kicking laughs, thigh-high humor and knee-deep jokes.

Leggy Jokes, Shin-ful Puns, Ankle Humor
('Cause Gam Jokes, Patella Puns, and Thigh Gap Humor Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You're Weak in the Knees!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution or Crutches! Sure-footed jokes, stumbling humor, and knee-ded puns ahead.
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Q. Why did the bodybuilder cross the road? A. He didn't. There's no walking on leg day!Q. What did the guy with the broken leg say to his nurse on Valentine's Day? A. I've got a crutch on you!Q. What do you call a short vampire? A. A pain in the knee!

Q. What do leg day and sex have in common?
A. When done properly, you can't walk for days.

Gym Rat Pick-Up Line: Word of the day is: Legs. Wanna go back to my place and spread the word?

Skiing Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the Colorado skier who broke his left arm and left leg in a collision with a SnoCat? He's all right now.

A guy woke up after surgery and screamed, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, we had to amputate your arms."

Did you hear about the Colorado mountain climber who broke his left arm and left leg? He's all right now.

Q. What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A. A hoblin goblin!

Q. How does a guy with a broken knee cap sing when in solitary pain?
A. A-patella.

Q. What do you call a fish with two knees?
A. A tunee fish.

Pharmacy Chat Up Line: Hey babe, do you have an Ace bandage? 'Cause when you walked by, I got weak in the knees.

He was in a pub when he proposed. It was very romantic – he got up on one knee.

Ape Asks: Why did the banker count his money with his toes? A. So it wouldn't run through his fingers! Q. Where can ye find a pirate who's lost his wooden legs? A. Right where ye left him! Q. Where does the one-legged waitress work? A. At IHOP!

Q. Why did the light-footed cop pull over the U-Haul truck?
A. He wanted to bust a move.

Q. What does your auto mechanic do when he stubs his big toe?
A. He calls a big tow truck.

Q. If basketball players get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
A. Missle toe.

Q. Which sport requires that players have jumbo-sized lower limbs?
A. Major-leg baseball.

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs out in the swimming pool?
A. Bob.

Q. Where do zombies with no arms and no legs play their championship baseball game?
A. Wrigley Field.

Q. What kind of birds spend a lot of time on their knees?
A. Birds of Prey.

Sheer Stocking Laugh of the Day: The guy who invented pantyhouse really left a legacy.

Q. Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he pitches?
A. If he raised both, he'd fall down!

Q. What did Frosty the Snowman say to the dog who peed on him?
A. If I had legs, I'd kick your butt!

Q. What did Hamlet say when he didn't know which leg bone was which?
A. Tibia or not tibia?

Soccer Player Pick-Up Line: Hey there, are your legs tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all night.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Is that a wooden leg, or are you happy to see me?Q. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? A. Because then it would be a foot!Q. Who do pirates call if they break a leg? A. Their Carrrpenter!

Q. Why was the pirate a natural to be a bar owner?
A. He had a keg leg.

Q. What do you call a drummer with no arms and no legs?
A. A head banger. OUCH!

Man: The doctor said he'd have me back on my feet in two weeks.
Friend: And, did he?
Man: Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.

Did you hear about the blonde marathon runner who ran for an hour, but only ran two feet? Well, Duh! She only had two feet!

Q. Why don't Colorado bears wear shoes?
A. What's the point? They'd still have bear feet!

Q. Why do Old West cowboys always die with their boots on?
A. So they won't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.

Q. What was the one-legged pirate's job at the brewery?
A. He was in charge of the hops.

Sailor: I know a pirate with a wooden leg named, "Bob."
Blonde: Reallly? I wonder what his hook is named?

Medical Break-Through of the Day: I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places...

Q. Why did the chicken join a band? A. Because it already had drumsticks!Q. How can you tell if a woman is wearing panty hose? A. If she farts, her ankles swell up!Q. Why did the pig lose the race? A. He pulled his ham string!

Q. Why do banjo pickers always die with their boots on?
A. So they won't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.

Q. What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
A. A cloud.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A. Bacon and legs, and legs, and legs!

Q. Why was the blonde chef crushing tomotoes with her upper legs?
A. She was making Peak 'o de Thigh-o. Duh!

Pick-Up Line in the Bone Lab: Hey Bae, I want tibia your date tonight!

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

A man went to the doctor and said he felt run down. Doc asked, "Why do you feel that way?" The man replied, "Well, I have tire marks on my legs."

Q. What happened to the guy who held a squat for too long?
A. He got hunker pains.

Q. What do you get if you cross a pig and a giraffe?
A. Bacon and legs.

Q. What do you have to do before getting into a designer dress? A. Get a foot in the Dior!Your feet must hurt? You've been marching through my mind all day!Q. What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? A. P – It would be R, but he's missing a leg!

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, Wow! And I thought my wine had nice legs!

Q. Why are spiders such great basketball players?
A. Because they're all eight-footers!

Q. How hard was it for the guy to start the company that manufactures clown shoes?
A. It was no small feet!

My body is not a temple ... It is a microbrewery with legs.

Q. How can you tell the head nurse apart from all the others?
A. By the dirt on her knees.

Q. What's the difference between a podiatrist and an urologist?
A. One is a lot more impressed if you give him a foot.

Old dancers never die, they just step aside.

Student Doctor: It looks like there's something written on this patient's big toe.
Famous Surgeon: Oh, yes. That's a footnote.

Poor guy was in the hospital with 60% burns. Doc says, "Give him two Viagra." Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" Doc replies, "No, but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"

Q. What is a medical staff?
A. What a lame doctor walks with.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the disco?
A. He heard it was a hip joint.

Q. What happened to the dancing pirate who went to the seafood-themed disco?
A. He pulled a mussel.

Q. What did the skeleton Chippendale dancer choose for his stage name?
A. Pelvis.

Nurse Notes: The patient is numb from her toes down...

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