Q. How much is a pirate willing to pay for ear piercing? A. A buck an ear!   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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After realizing just how much corn he had for sale, the farmer grinned from ear to ear!
Q. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? A. A Buck an Ear!

Q. Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? A. Because the P is silent!


Ear-y Puns, Deaf Jokes, Hearing Impaired Humor
Listen up for lobe-ly puns, herring aid humor, deafening laughter and pierced earring jokes.

Ear Jokes, Hard of Hearing Humor, Inaudible Puns
('Cause Engine-Earrred Puns and Buck An Ear Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Playing By Ear!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Otic jokes, Van Gogh humor, waxy laughs and ear-piercing puns ahead. What???
| Ear Jokes, Hearing Humor, Deaf Puns | Nose Jokes, Boogar Puns | Ear, Nose, Throat Humor |
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Q. Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keyboard? A. He was playing by ear!
Q. How many ears does Captain Picard have? A. Three. A right ear, a left ear, and a final front ear!
What happens if you get vinegar in your ear? You suffer Pickled hearing!

Q. What do you get if you cross Vincent Van Gogh with George Thorogood?
A. One bourbon, one scotch, and one ear.

Q. Why was Van Gogh an artist and not a musician?
A. 'Cause he didn't have the ear for it!

Q. What's amazing about a construction worker's hard hat?
A. He can take it off, hold it to his ear, and hear the OSHA.

Q. What do you call a pachyderm with really big ears?
A. EarElephant, but that just doesn't matter.

Did you hear about the blonde who learned to play piano by ear? She finally figured out it was easier to use her hands...

Mr. Spock, a rabbit, and a corn stalk walk into a bar. Bartender asks, "You guys want to hear a joke?" They replied, "We're all ears."

Q. If Mr. Spock has pointy ears, what does Mr. Scott have?
A. Engineers!

Q. What is it called when one blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A. Data transfer.

Patient: Doc, I can't hear out of my left ear.
Doctor: Are you sure?
Patient: Yes, I'm deaf-inate.

Q. Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl using the bathroom?
A. 'Cause the Pee is silent.

Q. Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?
A. Because they've experienced pain and have bought jewelry.

Q. How does a hearing-impaired fashion designer communicate?
A. He uses clothed captions.

Q. How do elephants stay cool in the hot jungle?
A. Ear conditioning.

Q. Why did the hooker put a condom on her ear?
A. She didn't want to get hearing AIDS.

Q. Which kind of monster has the best hearing?
A. The eeriest one!

Q. Why do
people hate
corny jokes?

A. Because
they're so

Big Ape Asks: How did the pothead burn his ear? A. He answered his cell while ironing his tuxedo!

Q. Why do
humans have two ears?

A. Because
everyone needs
an earbud.

Q. How do you describe a really corny pun?
A. Truly ear-ful.

Corn on the cob walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Wanna hear a good joke?" Corn replies, "Sure, I'm all ears."

Did you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield? It was music to his ears.

Q. How are some farmers in Iowa cruel?
A. They pull corn by the ears!

Q. Why is it hard to keep secrets on a farm?
A. Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

Q. Why did a tomato fall in love with corn?
A. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear.

Patient: Doc, I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit somebody's ear off.
Doctor: Oh, I see. That's a lot of calories.

If you think earwigs are terrifying because they crawl into your ears, you don't even want to consider what cockroaches do!

Patient: I keep hearing ringing noises.
Doctor: Try answering the phone.

Q. What should you do if your dog goes missing on a camping trip ti Pike National Forest?
A. Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark.

Dog Chat Up Line: Hey baby, a day with you is like an eternity of behind-the-ear scratches, fur real.

Q. What did the blonde say when headphones went on sale?
A. It's music to my ears.

Q. What do women put on their ears to make them more attractive to men?
A. Their knees.

Q. What happened when the doctor told the blonde to stop using a Q-tip?
A. It went in one ear and out the other.

Criminal Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the deaf banker who got robbed? Neither did he. OUCH!

Did you hear about the perverted magician? He pulled his top hat out of a rabbit's ears.

Jackrabbit PickUp Line: Hey Bunny, the ears aren't the only thing that's big about me.

Before in-ear digital hearing aids were invented, were they unheard of?
If Mr Spock has pointy ears, what does Mr Scott have? A. Engineers!
Before in-ear digital hearing aids were invented, were they ear-normous?

Patient: Doc, I think I'm losing my hearing.
Doctor: What are the symptons?
Patient: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie.

Doctor: Good news. You passed your hearing test.
Patient: What?

Q. What happened when the elderly couple watched a TV ad for hearing aids?
A. The wife was all ears.

Q. What do you call a winter holiday elf wearing earmuffs?
A. Whatever. He can't hear you anyway!

Patient: I have this feeling I'm invisible.
Psychiatrist: Did I just hear a voice?

Q. What happened when the guy's favorite band played their first song in concert?
A. It was music to his ears.

A nurse practitioner was examining his patient who happened to be hard of hearing. He put his stethoscope to her chest and said, "Big breaths." The woman replied, "Yes, they used to be bigger."

Q. Why is Lois Lane deaf in one ear?
A. Due to the super snoring.

Q. Why did Vincent Van Gogh become a talented painter?
A. Because he didn't have an ear for music.

Q. How does a stylish rabbit keep her ears up all day?
A. She uses hare spray.

Q. What did the hard-of-hearing barber say to the ram?
A. Sorry, I can't shear you...

Q. What happened when the guy forgot to wear his hearing aid?
A. His wife gave him an earful.

Q. What did the schizophrenic accountant tell his shrink?
A. I'm hearing invoices!

Q. What did the patient say when the doctor told him his ear problem was merely wax buildup?
A. I'm glad to hear that!

Q. What did the math book say to the shrink?
A. Would you like to hear my problems?

Q. What do
you call a
bear without
an ear?

A. B.

Q. How much is a pirate willing to pay for corn? A. A Buck An Ear!

Q. Which kind
of fish could
help you hear

A. A
herring aid.

Q. What is an ER?
A. The thing on the side of your head that you hear with.

Q. What do you call a bear with no ear?
A. Anything you want, 'cause he can't hear you anyway!

Q. Why do farts smell?
A. For the benefit of the hearing impared.

Q. Why was the corn such an a-maize-ing piano player?
A. It could play any tune by ear.

Q. Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield?
A. There are too many ears!

Q. Where does corn on the cob like to go on vacation?
A. Lake Earie.


A state trooper pulled over a farmer on a rural road and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the truck a mile ago?" The farmer replied, "Thank God, I thought I was going deaf."

Q. Why do farmers play smooth jazz out in the corn field?
A. 'Cause it's easy on the ears.

Q. How do you know how long to leave sweet corn on the BBQ grill?
A. Just play it by ear.

.Q. What is a plump ear of corn called?
A. Husk-y.

Q. What happens when you compliment a corn stalk?
A. It grins from ear to ear.

Q. How much does a pirate pay for his lobe-ly earrings?
A. A buccaneer!

Q. Why are cows so forgetful?
A. Because everything goes in one ear and out the udder.

Q. What do you call a reindeer wearing earmuffs?
A. Anything you want. He can't hear you.

Q. What do you call a ring in your ear?
A. Tinnitus.

Q. How do you describe decorative Halloween corn?
A. Ear-ie.

Q. What did the vegan witch use in her magic potions?
A. Ear of corn and eye of potato.

Q. When does corn set off fireworks and get drunk?
A. New Ear's Eve.

Q. Which holiday does corn always celebrate?
A. New Ear's Day.

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