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Ear-y
Puns, Deaf Jokes, Hearing Impaired Humor
Listen
up for lobe-ly puns, herring aid humor, deafening laughter
and pierced earring jokes.
Ear Jokes, Hard of Hearing Humor, Inaudible Puns
('Cause Engine-Earrred Puns
and Buck An Ear Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream
When You're Playing By Ear!) |
Warning:
Proceed with Caution! Otic jokes, Van Gogh humor, waxy laughs and
ear-piercing puns ahead. What???
| Ear Jokes, Hearing Humor, Deaf Puns
| Nose Jokes, Boogar Puns | Ear,
Nose, Throat Humor |
| Face Jokes | Neck
Jokes, Throat Puns | Mouth Jokes,
Tongue Puns, Lip Laughs | Eye
Jokes |
| Head Jokes, Noggin Puns | Chest
Jokes, Breat Puns | Heart Humor
| Belly Laughs, Gut Humor |
| Body Jokes | Human
Anatomy Jokes | Inner Body Puns,
Back Jokes | Butt Jokes and Ass Pun
|
Q.
What do you get if you cross Vincent Van Gogh with George
Thorogood?
A. One bourbon, one scotch, and one ear.
Q.
Why was Van Gogh an artist and not a musician?
A. 'Cause he didn't have the ear for it!
Q.
What's amazing about a construction worker's hard hat?
A. He can take it off, hold it to his ear, and hear the
OSHA.
Q.
What do you call a pachyderm with really big ears?
A. EarElephant, but that just doesn't matter.
Did
you hear about the blonde who learned to play piano by ear?
She finally figured out it was easier to use her hands...
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Mr.
Spock, a rabbit, and a corn stalk walk into a bar. Bartender
asks, "You guys want to hear a joke?" They replied,
"We're all ears."
Q.
If Mr. Spock has pointy ears, what does Mr. Scott have?
A. Engineers!
Q.
What is it called when one blonde blows in another blonde's
ear?
A. Data transfer.
Patient:
Doc, I can't hear out of my left ear.
Doctor: Are you sure?
Patient: Yes, I'm deaf-inate.
Q.
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl using the bathroom?
A. 'Cause the Pee is silent.
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Q.
Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?
A. Because they've experienced pain and have bought jewelry.
Q.
How does a hearing-impaired fashion designer communicate?
A. He uses clothed captions.
Q.
How do elephants stay cool in the hot jungle?
A. Ear conditioning.
Q.
Why did the hooker put a condom on her ear?
A. She didn't want to get hearing AIDS.
Q.
Which kind of monster has the best hearing?
A. The eeriest one! |
Q.
Why do
people hate
corny jokes?
A.
Because
they're so
ear-itating.
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Q.
Why do
humans have two ears?
A.
Because
everyone needs
an earbud.
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Q.
How do you describe a really corny pun?
A. Truly ear-ful.
Corn
on the cob walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Wanna
hear a good joke?" Corn replies, "Sure, I'm all
ears."
Did
you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield?
It was music to his ears.
Q.
How are some farmers in Iowa cruel?
A. They pull corn by the ears!
Q.
Why is it hard to keep secrets on a farm?
A. Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Q.
Why did a tomato fall in love with corn?
A. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear. |
Patient:
Doc, I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday
I bit somebody's ear off.
Doctor: Oh, I see. That's a lot of calories.
If
you think earwigs are terrifying because they crawl
into your ears, you don't even want to consider what cockroaches
do!
Patient:
I keep hearing ringing noises.
Doctor: Try answering the phone.
Q.
What should you do if your dog goes missing on a camping
trip ti Pike National Forest?
A. Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark.
Dog
Chat Up Line: Hey baby,
a day with you is like an eternity of behind-the-ear scratches,
fur real.
|
Q.
What did the blonde say when headphones went on sale?
A. It's music to my ears.
Q.
What do women put on their ears to make them more attractive
to men?
A. Their knees.
Q.
What happened when the doctor told the blonde to stop using
a Q-tip?
A. It went in one ear and out the other.
Criminal
Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the deaf banker who
got robbed? Neither did he. OUCH!
Did
you hear about the perverted magician? He pulled his top
hat out of a rabbit's ears.
Jackrabbit
PickUp Line: Hey Bunny,
the ears aren't the only thing that's big about me. |
Patient:
Doc, I think I'm losing my hearing.
Doctor: What are the symptons?
Patient: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie.
Doctor:
Good news. You passed your hearing test.
Patient: What?
Q.
What happened when the elderly couple watched a TV ad for
hearing aids?
A. The wife was all ears.
Q.
What do you call a winter holiday elf wearing earmuffs?
A. Whatever. He can't hear you anyway!
Patient:
I have this feeling I'm invisible.
Psychiatrist: Did I just hear a voice? |
Q.
What happened when the guy's favorite band played their
first song in concert?
A. It was music to his ears.
A
nurse practitioner was examining his patient who happened
to be hard of hearing. He put his stethoscope to her chest
and said, "Big breaths." The woman replied, "Yes,
they used to be bigger."
Q.
Why is Lois Lane deaf in one ear?
A. Due to the super snoring.
Q.
Why did Vincent Van Gogh become a talented painter?
A. Because he didn't have an ear for music.
Q.
How does a stylish rabbit keep her ears up all day?
A. She uses hare spray.
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Q.
What did the hard-of-hearing barber say to the ram?
A. Sorry, I can't shear you...
Q.
What happened when the guy forgot to wear his hearing aid?
A. His wife gave him an earful.
Q.
What did the schizophrenic accountant tell his shrink?
A. I'm hearing invoices!
Q.
What did the patient say when the doctor told him his ear
problem was merely wax buildup?
A. I'm glad to hear that!
Q.
What did the math book say to the shrink?
A. Would you like to hear my problems? |
Q.
What do
you call a
bear without
an ear?
A.
B.
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Q.
Which kind
of fish could
help you hear
better?
A.
A
herring aid.
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Q.
What is an ER?
A. The thing on the side of your head that you hear with.
Q.
What do you call a bear with no ear?
A. Anything you want, 'cause he can't hear you anyway!
Q.
Why do farts smell?
A. For the benefit of the hearing impared.
Q.
Why was the corn such an a-maize-ing piano player?
A. It could play any tune by ear.
Q.
Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield?
A. There are too many ears!
Q.
Where does corn on the cob like to go on vacation?
A. Lake Earie.
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A
state trooper pulled over a farmer on a rural road and said,
"Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the truck
a mile ago?" The farmer replied, "Thank God, I
thought I was going deaf."
Q.
Why do farmers play smooth jazz out in the corn field?
A. 'Cause it's easy on the ears.
Q.
How do you know how long to leave sweet corn on the BBQ
grill?
A. Just play it by ear.
.Q.
What is a plump ear of corn called?
A. Husk-y.
Q.
What happens when you compliment a corn stalk?
A. It grins from ear to ear.
Q.
How much does a pirate pay for his lobe-ly earrings?
A. A buccaneer! |
Q.
Why are cows so forgetful?
A. Because everything goes in one ear and out the udder.
Q.
What do you call a reindeer wearing earmuffs?
A. Anything you want. He can't hear you.
Q.
What do you call a ring in your ear?
A. Tinnitus.
Q.
How do you describe decorative Halloween corn?
A. Ear-ie.
Q.
What did the vegan witch use in her magic potions?
A. Ear of corn and eye of potato.
Q.
When does corn set off fireworks and get drunk?
A. New Ear's Eve.
Q.
Which holiday does corn always celebrate?
A. New Ear's Day. |
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Ear Jokes, Hearing Humor, Deaf Puns
| Nose Jokes, Boogar Puns | Ear,
Nose, Throat Humor |
| Face Jokes | Neck
Jokes, Throat Puns | Mouth Jokes,
Tongue Puns, Lip Laughs | Eye
Jokes |
| Head Jokes, Noggin Puns | Chest
Jokes, Breat Puns | Heart Humor
| Belly Laughs, Gut Humor |
| Body Jokes | Human
Anatomy Jokes | Inner Body Puns,
Back Jokes | Butt Jokes and Ass Pun
|
| Male Body Humor, Penis Puns, Viagra Jokes
| Female Body Humor, Breast Jokes, PMS
Puns |
| Hand Jokes, Finger Puns, Arm Humor
| Leg Jokes and Knee Puns | Feet
Puns and Foot Jokes |
| Sick Puns, Medical Jokes | Doctor
Jokes | Surgery Cut-Ups | Proctology
Jokes | Urology Jokes |
| Head Shrinker Jokes | Dentist
Jokes | Eye Doctor Jokes | Manly
Man Jokes | Women Jokes
|
You
haven't heard it all, so here's
even more piercing laughter,
husky humor,
corny jokes and ear-y
painful puns that'll make you say, "WHAT?":
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More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
|
Artist Jokes | Bartender
Jokes | Bear Puns | Colorado
Jokes | Corny Jokes | Engineer
Jokes | Farmer Jokes |
| Fishy LOLs | Phone
Puns | Piano Jokes | Pickle
Puns | Pirate Jokes | Police
Puns | Pothead Grins | Psychic
Jokes |
| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal
Puns | Sports Jokes | Star
Trek Jokes | Superman Humor |
Weather Jokes | Wife
Jokes |
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