Q. How does a lobster answer the phone?
A. Shello.

Q. What do you get if you cross a phone and a lobster?
A. Snappy talk.

Q. Which HBO series will robo callers and telemarketers miss now that it's ended?
A. Game of Phones.

We were going to post one more Painful phone Pun here, but decided it's uncalled for!

Q. Which civilization actually inspired the invention of the telephone?
A. The Phoenicians.

Q. Why are all the personal assistants on cell phones and smart devices female?
A. Because that's the only job they can get in tech!

Q. Why did both Apple iPhone 8 and Microsoft Windows 8 go straight to X/10?
A. We figure it's 'cause 7 ate 9!

Ringing Fact of the Day: Sorry, Taco Bell is not a telecom company!

Q. When does a horse talk on the phone?
A. Whinny wants to.

Q. What was the crow doing up on the telephone pole?
A. Making a long distance phone caw!

Q. How does a barber make phone calls?
A. He usually cuts them short.

Q. Why were blondes putting notes at the bottom of the telephone pole?
A. Because they were adding comments to this post.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dog and a telephone?
A. A Golden Receiver.

Q. How does a dog make calls?
A. He uses a tele-bone.

Q. What do a dog and a phone have in common?
A. Both have Collar ID.

Q. What's it called when your grandmother is on speed dial?
A. Insta-Gran.

Q. Why did the telemarketer with emotional issues finally see a head doctor?
A. 'Cause she really had a lot of hang-ups!

Q. How do telephones get married?
A. In a double-ring ceremony!

Latest Tweet: My girlfriend made me choose between her and my cell phone. (Sent from my iPhone)

Cell Phone Safety Tip of the Day: Never have phone sex without protection so you won't contract hearing aids.

Q. Why does everybody still need a land line?
A. To locate a cell phone that's somewhere in your house.

Q. What is an unlimited cell phone plan?
A. There's no limit to how much they can charge.

Q. What do you get if you cross a phone and a pair of scissors?
A. Snippy answers!

Q. What was even more important than the invention of the first telephone?
A. The second telephone!

Q. What does the commissioner say when he calls the Bat Phone?
A. It bat-ta ring!

Q. How did the new bank employee make calls?
A. On a teller-phone!

Phony Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, I seem to have lost my phone number, so can I have yours?

Q. What do you call spammer robo callers?
A. Phonies.

Q. What is an iPhone without me?
A. Phone.

Q. Why couldn't the statistician afford the new iPhone?
A. Because he had an average salary.

Q. What happens if you fall asleep on your cell phone?
A. You download a nap.

Q. What do British vampires use to phone home?
A. A bloody mobile phone.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton need a cell phone?
A. He had no body to talk with.

Q. What does a ghost use to make calls?
A. A Terror-Phone!

Q. How do you get an iPhone to sync?
A. Name it Titanic.

Q. How do, like, really laid-back types answer their phone?
A. Mellow.

Q. What happened when Verizon propositioned Batman with their friends and family plan?
A. Batman cried.

Q. Why don't birds use cell phones?
A. They're afraid of winging the wrong number.

Q. What is long, slippery, and always phones home while sightseeing?
A. E.T. The Extra Tourist Eel.

Q. Wha do you get if you cross a telephone and a night crawler?
A. Ringworm!

Q. Why didn't the mummy want a telephone?
A. Because he always got to wrapped up in his calls.

Q. What do you call company workers who field calls from highly edgy people?
A. Customer nervous representatives.

Q. How did our grandparents occupy their time before cell phones and the Internet?
A. I've asked my mom, her three brothers and two sisters, but don't have a definitive answer.

Q. What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?
A. Stuck in the 1960s!

Q. How does a baboon make phone calls.
A. He just monkeys around on the line.

Q. Why did the telemarketer quit his job?
A. 'Cause talk is cheap.

Q. Why do we call mobile telephones cell phones?
A. Because people are their prisoners.

The guy who found a cell phone walked up to the local meteorologist and said, "This must be yours." "Why?," asked the weatherman. Guy replied, "Sir, it says '14 missed calls.'"

Ironic Tech Fact of the Day: Cell phones keep getting thinner and smarter. Humans, the opposite.

Q. Why was the telemarketer fired?
A. He had too many hang-ups.

Q. How are an engaged girl and a phone alike?
A. They both have rings.

Q. What do you get if you cross a retro phone and a birthday celebration?
A. A party line.

Q. Why has crime gotten so much worse in the 21st Century?
A. Because all the phone booths are gone, so Superman has nowhere to change!

Q. What is the tech term for a rotten, defective smart phone download?
A. Bad applet.

Phone Fact of the Day: Old voice mail never dies; it just doesn't answer.

Q. How do scaredy-cats answer the phone?
A. Yellow?

Q. How did another scaredy-cat answer the phone?
A. Yellow? Mew's There?

Q. What did the frugal guy say after he got his phone bill?
A. Who says talk is cheap?

Q. Why didn't the comedian tell his latest cell phone joke?
A. Because it had a bad reception.

Q. Which brand of hand soap did retro telephone operators use?
A. Dial.

Q. How does a baritone make a phone call?
A. Song distance.

High Tech Fact of the Day: A recent study showed iPhones are the most popular hand-held device. For the first time, the penis has slipped into the Number 2 slot.

Q. What do you get if you cross a telephone and a frog?
A. A bellhop.

ESP Point to Ponder: If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Q. What does the volcanologist ask people to do on his outgoing voicemail recording?
A. Lava message.

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