A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks, "Why the short face?"

Q. What did one horse say to another?
A. The face looks familiar, but I don't remember the mane.

Q. Why did the bucket go to the doctor?
A. It had a pail face.

Q. What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear with a harp?
A. A bear-faced lyre.

Q. What makes a bodybuilder smile at the gym?
A. Face muscles!

Q. How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
A. By the blanc look on her face.

Police Sketch Artist Groan of the Day: A naked woman robbed a bank during a power outage. So, nobody at the bank could remember her face.

Q. What is the Christian plastic surgeon's specialty?
A. Faith lifts.

Q. What happens when a ghost drinks too much?
A. He gets sheet faced!

A blonde looked up to watch a bird flying above. Suddenly the bird pooped. So, the blonde said, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would have hit me in the face!"

Q. What kind of facial hair does the hipster ghost at the haunted house have?
A. A soul patch.

Two dogs meet on the street and do a ritual sniff. One turns to the other and says, "I don't recall your name, but the feces familiar."

Q. Why did the scum bag owner name his race horse My Face?
A. He wanted to hear the crowd cheer, "Come On, My Face!"

A man walks into the doctor's office with a carrot up his nose, celery in one ear and a banana in the other. He asks, "What's the matter with me?" The doctor replies, "You aren't eating properly."

Q. What do baseball catchers wear on Halloween?
A. Face masks.

Police were called to a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in the face. They arrived to a sticky hostage situation.

Patient: I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: I see. How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.

ER Doctor Come-On: Hey bae, I am an expert in mouth to mouth.

Q. Why did the horse talk with hay in its mouth?
A. It lacked good stable manners.

Q. How does info travel so quickly from parrot to parrot?
A. Bird of Mouth!

Q. What did the snowman say to his son?
A. I told you if you kept crossing your eyes, they'd freeze that way!

Q. Why did the snowman visit an orthodontist?
A. To correct his frostbite!

A friend of mine is dating a girl with a dental implant, but he didn't know that until it came out during a recent conversation.

Q. How does the toy hospital fix a doll with a broken face?
A. With plastic surgery.

Eye-ronic Face Joke of the Day: The sad dentist looked a little down in the mouth.

Q. Why did the guy in the ghost costume get kicked out of the Halloween party at the haunted house?
A. Because he was sheet-faced!

Today's Medical Tip: Never agree to have facial plastic surgery if the doctor's office is decorated with Picasso portrait prints.

A giraffe walked in to a bar. The bartender asked, "What's with the long face?"

Q. Which facial feature is commonly overlooked by most people?
A. The nose!

Q. Why did the chiropractor decide to retire?
A. His patients were a real pain in the neck.

Q. What do you get if you kiss a duck?
A. A peck on the cheek.

Q. What do you call a fish that won't quit singing?
A. A big-mouthed bass.

Q. What happens when two nervous frogs collide?
A. They get tongue-tied.

Q. How are tight-fitting underwear and smiles alike?
A. Both lift your cheeks.

Q. How can you tell if you found a good acne dermatologist?
A. His record is unblemished.

The cannibal chef daintily wiped his mouth and said, "My wife makes great soup. I'm really going to miss her."

Q. When do vampires really get into horse racing?
A. Only when it's neck and neck!

A giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Do you want a long neck?" Giraffe says, "Do I have a choice?"

Q. What do you call it if a giraffe swallows a drone?
A. A a big plane in the neck.

A giraffe walks into a bar. "Sorry," said the bartender, "We don't serve Heineken here."

Q. Why is it hard to keep secrets on a farm?
A. Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

Blonde Beat: Did you hear that the cops are looking for a guy with one eye? Geez, why don't they use both?

Q. What happens if a see-level eyeball hikes up to the top of Pike's Peak too quickly?
A. It gets Eye Altitude Sickness.

Q. Which is the fittest facial feature?
A. The nose because it never stops running.

Today's Fact to Face: Nose jokes do stink, but eye puns are cornea.

Q. Why were the eyelid and the eyebrow constantly fighting?
A. Because they just couldn't see eye to eye.

Q. Why was the eye going to anger management?
A. It told the therapist, "Eyelash out at people when Eye'm mad."

Q. Is it true that eyeballs can hear?
A. Yes, but only at extremely eye frequencies.

Q. What happened to the boy who was born without eyelids?
A. When he was circumcised, they used the skin for eyelids. Unfortunately, he's a little cock-eyed now.

Q. What happened when a cashier scanned the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader?
A. The look on his face was priceless.

Q. What did one zombie say to another?
A. Please don't roll your eyes toward me!

Q. What can make your eyes lonely?
A. Eye-solation!

Q. What does an eyeball say after making a faux pas?
A. Eye Bad!

Q. How did the amazing carpenter cut a piece of wood just by looking at it?
A. He saw it with his own eye.

Q. Why did the clever blonde decide to rinse her eyes with ketchup?
A. Duh! Because Heinz-sight is 20/20.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
A. Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Q. What should you do before having facial reconsturction surgery?
A. Pick your nose...

Q. Where do plastic surgeons get all those new noses?
A. At the olfactory.

Q. Why did the monster take his nose apart?
A. To see what made it run!

Q. What is the difference between a boxer and a guy with a head cold?
A. One knows his blows and the other blows his nose.

Q. What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A. Wet noses.

Q. What do snooty connoisseurs call French bread with a wine-like aroma?
A. Nose scones.

Q. Why do farts smell?
A. For the benefit of the hearing impared.

A tongue walks into a bar and yells out, "I can lick anyone here!" EW!

Dental Point to Ponder: Why do dentist jokes make you feel down in the mouth?

Q. What's the best way to find a painless dentist in your neighborhood?
A. Word of mouth.

Q. What has a sharp set of teeth, but no mouth?
A. A saw blade.

Q. What has a fine set of teeth, but no mouth?
A. A comb.

Q. How are the bogeyman and false teeth alike?
A. Both only come out at night!

Q. How do you avoid getting swallowed by a river while white water rafting in Colorado?
A. Stay away from the river's mouth.

Q. Why did the Brachiosaurus have suck a long neck?
A. Because they had really stinky feet.

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