Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A. He didn't have the guts!   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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Orthopedist claims working with fractures isn't all it's cracked up to be.
The gym has no confidence in me. The first machine they put me on was the respirator!
My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep, but I was destined for osteology. I feel it in my bones.
Why did Nancy find Doctor McCoy so attractive? A. He had great Bones structure


Inner Body Puns, Chiropractor Jokes, Spine Humor
Bust a gut with boney puns, X-ray-ted humor, gutsy internal organ jokes and liver laughs.

X-Ray Jokes, Bone Puns, Internal Organ Humor
(Because Inside Jokes, Innards Puns, and Gut Humor Could Never Be TOO Mainstream or Hard to Stomach!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Peril! X-ray jokes, organ humor, funny bones and broken body part puns ahead.
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Never lie to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you.Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other? A. They don't have the guts!Friendly chiropactors always have your back.

Q. Why are surgeons bad in relationships?
A. 'Cause they know everybody is the same inside.

Q. Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk?
A. Because they have your back.

Q. What did the forensic scientist name as the cause of the haunted harpsichord player's death?
A. Bad Bach Pain.

Q. What happens when some bodily fluids become too thin and watery?
A. You could be in serous trouble.

Osteo Pick Up Line: Babe, you've got 206 bones in your body. Want to be exceptional and add one more?

Q. Why was the guy sentenced to life in prison for a little insider trading?
A. The judge called it organ harvesting. OUCH!

Q. How do you describe the flavor of that pink upset stomach medicine?
A. Pept-abysmal.

Q. Why did the skeleton in med school turn down the chance to be a surgeon?
A. 'Cause he didn't have the stomach for it.

Q. What did the chiropractor say when his vacation was over?
A. Back to business.

Today's Medical Groan: A guy didn't believe that the chiropractor could ease his back problems, but now he stands corrected.

Q. How can you tell you've been sitting too long playing the piano?
A. Your Bach hurts.

Q. How many orthopedists does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Just one, 'cause they get down to the bones of the matter.

Crappy Pun: When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!Hospitals report hearts of bankers are in high demand by transplant patients because they've never been used!

Q. Why did the ghost have to go to the hospital?
A. To have his ghoul stones removed.

Patient: Doc, do you have anything for my liver?
Doctor: How about some onions?

Q. Why didn't the proctologist tell his patient all about his new prescription?
A. Because it was going to be a surprise-atory.

Bile Groan of the Day: A guy wasn't sure the surgeon could handle his hepatectomy, but the doctor did de-liver.

Beer Troubleshooting – If your feet are warm and wet: It must be improper bladder control, so stand next to the nearest dog and complain about bad housetraining.

Q. What does a urologist shout out when he makes a medical breakthrough?
A. Urethra!

A guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Want to register for our drawing? We're giving away a set of kidney stones." The guy says, "Nah, I'll pass."

Q. Why can't divas have a colonostomy?
A. Because they can't find shoes to match the bag.

If you believe the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming a bit too high.

Killer Medical Laugh of the Day: My mother used to say that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. She was a lovely woman, but a terrible surgeon.

Heart Sick Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, my heart beats for you and that is why my ECG has a U wave.

Doctor Pick-Up Line: You must be my coronary artery because you're wrapped around my heart.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton like the Halloween candy? A. He just didn't have the stomach for it!Q. How does a spinal cord hammer a nail into the wall? A. with a spinal tap!When a cannibal showed up late for lunch, the others gave him the cold shoulder.

Q. What is an organ transplant?
A. How your piano feels when you move it.

Q. What does a ghost take when it suffers from acid reflux?
A. Phan-Tums.

Q. What do surgeons and church musicians do when they hang out together on Sunday afternoons?
A. They talk about organs.

Q. Why don't old chiropractors ever die?
A. Because they're so well adjusted.

Q. What do you call two chiropractors who have each other's backs?
A. Verte-bros.

Q. Which music genre do chiropractors enjoy most?
A. Hip Pop.

Q. Which swimming stroke are sheep really great at?
A. The baackstroke.

Q. Why did the chiropractor decide to retire?
A. His patients were a real pain in the neck.

Did you hear about the chef who slipped and broke his prime rib?

Q. How does the Grim Reaper threaten a classical music buff?
A. He tells him to watch his Bach.

Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots.
Doctor: Well, I never make rash promises.

Q. Which western city is the kidney donation capital of the world?
A. Renal, Nevada.

Did you hear about the guy who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? Doctors say his condition is stable!Big Ape Says: Whoever hamed it necking is a poor judeg of anatomy. Happy Valentine's Day!A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling jokes. Bone doc's jokes were humerus, but the eye doc's jokes were cornea!

Q. How did the church musician die?
A. Organ failure.

Q. Why can't skeleton musicians play at church?
A. 'Cause they have no organs.

Q. How does a hog farmer get to the county fair?
A. He rides piggyback.

Q. Why did the rope go to a doctor?
A. Because it had a knot in its stomach.

Q. What did the psychiatrist say to the guy who thought he was a vampire.
A. Necks, please!

Q. What do you call a Greek back doctor who isn't a physician?
A. A gyropractor.

Patient: I think a vampire bit me!
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will that help?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to check your neck for leaks.

Q. How many orthopedists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Why don't you just take out the socket? You're not using it anyway.

Q. What is a comedian doctor's definition of pelvis?
A. The second cousin of Elvis.

Q. How do you threaten a classical music buff?
A. Tell him to watch his Bach.

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