| Q.
What do you call a vampire with asthma?
A. Vlad the inhaler.
Q.
Why did Dracula take cold medication?
A. It was for his coffin.
Medicinal
Fact of the Day: When you try a new cough syrup, you have
no idea what to expectorate.
Q.
Why was the snake with ADHD so jittery today?
A. It ran out of Adderall.
Q.
Why do baristas take throat lozenges?
A. Because they get coffee.
Sick
Pick-Up Line: Hey baby,
do you need a love doctor? 'Cause I have a medicated
degree.
Patient:
If I give up sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll, will I live longer?
Doctor: No, it'll just seem longer.
Pharmacist
Translation of the Day: A doctor wrote a guy a prescription
for daily sex, but his girlfriend insists that
it says for dyslexia.
Q.
What did the guy call it when he dropped his ED drugs?
A. Viagra Falls. |
Q.
What did researchers do when the hypodermic needle was perfected?
A. They gave it a shot.
Q.
How do you know you've found a slippery tax accountant?
A. He advised you that Ex-Lax is a deductable moving
expense.
Doctor
walks into a bank full of anti-vaxxers. With a syringe in
hand, he says, "Gimme all the money and nobody gets
shot!"
Q.
Why was the doctor shouting, "Tetanus, Measles, Mumps,
Flu?"
A. Because he was calling the shots.
Today's
Medicated Trivia: Statistically speaking, 9 out of 10 injections
are in vein.
Q.
What do you call a group of unvaccinated children?
A. A graveyard.
A
doctor, a nurse, and a mother walk into a bar. The doctor
says, "Give me a shot of Scotch." The nurse says,
"Give me a shot of Tequila." The mom says, "I
don't do shots," and falls over dead from the measles.
Patient:
I feel like a needle.
Psychiatrist: Yes, eye do see your point.
|
Q.
Which OTC medication causes people to steal it from the
pharmacy?
A. Klepto-Bismol.
Q.
How do you describe the flavor of that pink upset stomach
medicine?
A. Pept-abysmal.
Q.
What does a ghost take when it suffers from acid reflux?
A. Phan-Tums.
Q.
What do you call a pharmacy that may or may not exist?
A. An hypothecary.
Medicated
Point to Ponder: If a blonde goes upstairs to get her meds,
does that mean she's coming down with something?
Q.
What happened when the blonde left her ADHD medication in
her Ford Fiesta?
A. It turned into a Ford Focus.
Q.
Why did the blonde always trim the ends off of her ADHD
pills?
A. To avoid side effects.
Q.
How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, every six hours for the next ten days... |
