Q. What do you get if you cross an optometrist convention and a donkey auction? A. Two eye-gl-asses for the price of one!   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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We can see that these eye puns are bad, so iris my case!
Q. What does your optician sy if you do't laugh at his pun? A. Lens not lose sight of the humor!
Q. Who is Transylvania's most famous optometrist? A. Count Macula!
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes!

Q. What was the len's excuse to the policeman? A. Officer, I've been framed!
Q. How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Hmm... 1 or 2?
Q. Where is the eye located? A. Between the H and the J!

 


Eye Jokes, Optometrist Puns, Focused Laughter
Focus on far-sighted jokes, insightful eyeball puns, myopic memes and cross-eyed humor.

Eye Doctor Jokes, Insightful Humor, Eye Puns
(Because Focused Jokes and Eye-Ronic Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You're Trying to See the Humor!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Visionary jokes, humor spectacles, and out of focus puns to see ahead.
| Eye Doctor Jokes, Optometrist Puns, Ophthalmologist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Dentist Jokes and Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |

Q. How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Hmm... 1 or 2?A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling jokes. Bone doc's jokes were humerus, but the eye doc's jokes were cornea!An optometrist asked a guy if his eyes had ever been checked. The guy replied, "No, they've always been brown!"

Q. Which kind of humor do optometrists appreciate the most?
A. Eye-rony.

Q. What is an eye doctor's favorite legume?
A. Black-eyed peas.

Q. Why can't an eye doctor count to 3?
A. Because they always get stuck on 1, or 2, or 1, or 2...

An ophthalmologist, optometrist, and optician walked into a bar. Bartender says, "Wow, I didn't see this joke coming."

Q. Which type of humor simply turns an eye doctor's stomach?
A. Sight gags.

Q. What happened to the optician who had the foresight to perform at the comedy club?
A. He made a spectacle of himself!

Q. What does an eye doctor say when you ask if he wants to hear a joke?
A. Sure! And, the cornea, the better!

Q. What does it take to become noticed as a famous eyewear designer?
A. A focus on fashion and an eye for st-eye-l.

Q. What did the eye doctor say when the patient asked him to pause the eye test because he had to go to the restroom?
A. Number 1, or number 2?

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank!

Eye-ronic Laugh of the Day: People who look at their butt in the mirror and see a wild boar may be suffering from an eye condition called Asspigmatism.

Q. What did the optometrist comedian call his comedy club act?
A. A Cornea-copia of Eye Jokes.

Focused Fact of the Day: It is not blind luck when you find a great eye doctor!

Q. Why was the patient so stunned when the eye doctor told him he was colorblind?
A. Because that came right out of the blue.

Q. Why are eye doctors always so smart?
A. Because they were such good pupils.

Did you hear about the brillian ophthalmologist? He had a high Eye Q!Did you hear about the guy who wanted glasses unlike anyone else's? He opted to have a pair custom-eyesed!Q. What do you call an eye doctor in Alaska? A. An optical Aleutian!

Q. What does it take to become a famous eyewear designer?
A. A flair for fashion and stye-lish eye-deas.

Q. What is an eyeball's favorite time of the day?
A. Twelve O'clock Eye!

Q. How do you pay for P.A.L. (Progressive Addition Lenses)?
A. With PayPAL.

Grandpa was given a selfie stick for Christmas. Turns out he can now hold the phone far enough away to read his text messages.

Patient: I have yellow eyes. What should I do?
Jokester Eye Doc: Wear a brown suit.

Q. Why was the new eye glasses shop so profitable and popular?
A. Because the optician was a keen eye-deal-ist.

Q. What did the guy say when he bumped into a friend right after getting new glasses?
A. Hey, long time, no see!

Q. How do you know if eyes are flirting with you?
A. They go: Wink, Wink!

Q. What did the eyeball say when it tasted cheesecake?
A. That's too eye for!

Q. Why did the leopard go to the eye doctor?
A. Because she was seeing spots.

Q. Aye matey, why did the pirate become an optometrist?
A. He had a love for the eye sees.

See Sick Pick Up Line: Hey babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean, and I am lost at see.

Q. What does an eyeball call Denver, Colorado?
A. The Mile Eye City.

Q. What is a must-see destination for an eye doctor vacationing in Paris?
A. The Eye-Full Tower!

Patient: I get a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink hot tea.
Eye Doctor: Have you tried removing the spoon from the cup?

We can see that these eye puns are bad, so there's no need to lash out!Q. What is an appropriate punishment for an optician who makes you messed up lenses? A. 20 Lashes!Q. Why did a pirate marry his eye doctor? A. It was an aye-deal relationship!

Q. What did the Colorado eye doctor say when questioned about his jokes?
A. My puns are corneas taco shells!

Q. What does an eye doctor say when his puppy acts up?
A. Eye Chihuahua!

Myopic Vision Issue of the Day: My eye doctor said I have bad vision, but I don't see the problem?

Q. What did the optometrist say to the monster, vampire, and zombie patients in his office lobby?
A. You vill see. You vill all see! Muhahahaha!

Looking for something to tickle her funny bone? Just make a couple of hum-iris witticisms!

Optician: It looks like you need glasses.
Patient: But, I'm wearing glasses.
Optician: Then I must need glasses...

An optician noted that patients come in all the time, embarrassed that they'd sat on their glasses. As he readjusts their frames, he wonders if Hindsight really is 20/20?

Q. Why was the guy with pink eye so happy he surfed into the eye doctor's web page?
A. Because it was a site for sore eyes!

Q. What is the title of the eye doctor's favorite porno?
A. Rods and Cones.

Clearly Funny Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, your eyes are as blue as window cleaner!

Q. How did the eye doctor greet his new one-eyed pirate patient?
A. Eye Matey!

Q. What does a pirate use to remedy security issues in his computer?
A. An eye patch.

Q. Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists?
A. Because eye doctors dilate!

Q. What do you call a concierge ophthalmologist who helps the police solve crimes?
A. A Private Eye Doctor.

Q. Why was the optometrist served a subpoena to testify in the trial?
A. He was an excellent eye witness.

Q. Why did the eye doctor give new patients magic eye puzzles? A. As an eyes breaker!I was dating a girl with a lazy eye, but I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone on the side!What does an ophthalmologist say wehn he's stymied? Eye Caramba!

Blind Confusion of the Day: I thought I went to an Alaskan eye doctor today, but it was actually an optical Aleutian.

Q. Which day of the week do eye care professionals like most?
A. Freaky Eye-day.

Q. How are eye doctors and school teachers alike?
A. They both test the pupils and quiz you about what you just read.

Q. How do eye doctors describe their work?
A. As an eye-opening experience!

Q. Why did the seer visit her eye doctor?
A. Because she needed her visions checked.

Nostalgic Insight: My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye doctor when I was five years old. Everything before that is a mere blur.

Q. Why did a woman go to the optician to return a pair of glasses she bought for her husband?
A. He still wasn't seeing things her way.

Colorblind Pick Up Line: Hey babe, no wonder the sky is gray today. All the blue is in your eyes.

Q. What is another name for an eye dropper?
A. A bad eye doctor.

Myopic Squint of the Day: Guess who I bumped into at my optometrist's office today? Everyone!

Q. What did the first-grader say after his first visit to the eye doctor?
A. I can see, but that guy really can't spell!

Focused Fact of the Day: Eye doctors know how to blur the line between genius and insanity.

Q. Why are there so few ophthalmology jokes?
A. Because ophthalmologists are the only ones who can spell that, and they don't think ophthalmology jokes are funny at all!

Patient: I keep seeing double.
Eye Doctor: Well, just sit in that chair.
Patient: Which one?

Optician: Be sure to store your glasses in case.
Blonde patient: In case of what?

Q. Why did the concert pianist go to his eye doctor?
A. Because he couldn't C Sharp.

Blurry Pick Up Line: Hey girl, your eyes are as blue as the water in my toilet bowl!

Q. Why did Satan come after the eye doctor?
A. Because his jokes were cornea than Hell!

Q. In New England, what do they call a deer with no eyes? A. No Idea!Q. What did an observant eye doctor say to the slight-of-hand artist? A. Eye see what you did there!Eye Joke: It is clear to see that these eye puns are full of Aqueous Humor!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still No Idea!

Q. Why did the gangster have to see an eye doctor?
A. He had glock-oma.

Q. What is an ophthalmologist's favorite song of all time?
A. Eye Of The Tiger.

Q. Why are eye doctors happy to see drunks?
A. Because everything is a blur.

Q. Why did the blonde say when she called in sick?
A. I have an eye problem. I can't see myself coming in today.

Q. Why did the eye doctor tell his patient, Gary, that he had Wacked Out Comic Strip Syndrome?
A. Because he was FarSided.

Old eye doctors never die. They just loose their focus.

A man goes to an eye doctor and says, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." Receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" The man replies, "No, just spots."

Q. What do you call a vampire eye doctor?
A. Count Drocular.

Blind Laugh of the Day: I had an appointment with an eye doctor today, but something came up and I couldn't see him.

Q. Why did the patients all love the new eye doctor?
A. Because he was a true visionary.

Blurry Funny Pick Up Line: Hey girl, are you a magician? 'Cause when I look into your eyes, everything else disappears.

Q. What did the eye doctor say to the zombie during the exam?
A. Please don't roll your eyes toward me!

Q. Which kind of animal always wears UV-coated sunglasses?
A. A solar bear.

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. FSH.

Q. Why did the psychic drink so much?
A. She heard alcohol could double her vision.

Q. How can you tell you've got a great optometrist?
A. His eye puns are as corneas it gets!

Q. What is brown and hairy, and wears sunglasses at the beach?
A. A coconut on vacation!

Q. Which vegetable do eye doctors really eat up?
A. Potatoes, because they have so many eyes.

Q. Why will so many eye doctors fear that they'll go out of business at midnight on 1-31-19?
A. Because everyone will have 2020 vision!

Q. Why did the psychic go to her eye doctor?
A. She was having a hard time seeing into the future.

| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Dentist Jokes and Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |
| Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |


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