Q. What do you get if you cross an optometrist convention and a donkey auction? A. Two eye-gl-asses for the price of one!   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Q. Who is Transylvania's most famous optometrist? A. Count Macula!
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes!

 


Optometrist Puns, Eye Jokes, Focused Laughter
Eye see myopic memes, fuzzy humor, and cross-eyed jokes in your future!

Eye Doctor Jokes, Insightful Humor, Eye Puns
(Because Blurry Vision is Too Mainstream and the Best Prescription is Focused Laughter)
Warning: You can clearly see these eye puns are painful. Proceed at your own risk.
Eye Doctor Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Doctor Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
Dentist Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Shrink Humor | 1 | Brainy Puns | 1 | 2 |

Q. How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Hmm... 1 or 2?A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling jokes. Bone doc's jokes were humerus, but the eye doc's jokes were cornea!An optometrist asked a guy if his eyes had ever been checked. The guy replied, "No, they've always been brown!"

Q. What is an eye doctor's favorite legume?
A. Black-eyed peas.

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller:
You certainly do. This is a bank!

People who look at their butt in the mirror and see a wild boar may be suffering from an eye condition called Asspigmatism.

Did you hear about the brillian ophthalmologist? He had a high Eye Q!Did you hear about the guy who wanted glasses unlike anyone else's? He opted to have a pair custom-eyesed!Q. What do you call an eye doctor in Alaska? A. An optical Aleutian!

Q. How do you pay for P.A.L. (Progressive Addition Lenses)?
A. With PayPAL

Grandpa was given a selfie stick for Christmas. Turns out he can now hold the phone far enough away to read his text messages.

Patient: I get a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink hot tea. Eye Doctor: Have you tried removing the spoon from the cup?

We can see that these eye puns are bad, so there's no need to lash out!Q. What is an appropriate punishment for an optician who makes you messed up lenses? A. 20 Lashes!Q. Why did a pirate marry his eye doctor? A. It was an aye-deal relationship!

Q. What does an eye doctor say when his puppy acts up?
A. Eye Chihuahua!

Optician: It looks like you need glasses.
Patient: But, I'm wearing glasses.
Optician: Then I must need glasses ...

Q. What does a pirate use to remedy security issues in his computer?
A. An eye patch.

Q. Why did the eye doctor give new patients magic eye puzzles? A. As an eyes breaker!I was dating a girl with a lazy eye, but I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone on the side!What does an ophthalmologist say wehn he's stymied? Eye Caramba!

Q. How are eye doctors and teachers alike?
A. They both test the pupils and quiz you about what you just read.

Q. Why did a woman go to the optician to return a pair of glasses she bought for her husband?
A. He still wasn't seeing things her way.

Optician: Be sure to store your glasses in case.
Blonde patient: In case of what?

Q. In New England, what do they call a deer with no eyes? A. No Idea!Q. What did an observant eye doctor say to the slight-of-hand artist? A. Eye see what you did there!Eye Joke: It is clear to see that these eye puns are full of Aqueous Humor!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still No Idea!

A man goes to an eye doctor and says, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." Receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" The man replies, "No, just spots."

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. FSH.

Sick Puns & Healthy Laughs | Medical Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |

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