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Sick
Doctor Puns, Healthy Laughs, Viral Jokes
Take
two sick puns, viral humor, and funny med jokes and call a doctor when
you stop laughing.
Doctor Humor, Funny Medical Jokes, Sick Puns
(Because Germy Jokes and Sick Puns Couldn't Be TOO
Mainstream If You've Caught Whatever Is Going Around!) |
Warning:
Proceed with Caution! Nauseating jokes, sickening humor, contagious
laughs and viral puns ahead.
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Doctor
Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | 7
| Germ Jokes | Sick
Come-Ons | Dentist Puns |
| Surgeon Jokes | Eye
Doctor Jokes | Eye Puns |
Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Blood
Jokes |
| Psychiatrist Jokes | Optometry
Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes
| Optician Puns | Glasses
Jokes |
| Futuristic Medical Jokes | Urologist
LOLs | Constipation Jokes
| Diarrhea Puns | Brain
Jokes |
Q.
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
A. A hematologist pricks your finger. OUCH!
Q.
What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A. An URLologist.
Today's
Medical Practioner Malpractice Pun: Someone told a joke
about transgender surgery. It took balls to pull that one
off.
Q.
Why did the Scotsman have to see an urologist?
A. 'Cause he had a wee bit of a problem. |
Patient:
Doc, I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday
I bit somebody's ear off.
Doctor: Oh, I see. That's a lot of calories.
Shrink:
Have any members of your family suffered from insanity?
Patient: No, they all seemed to enjoy it.
Q.
What is the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?
A. At a mental hospital, you have to show improvement to
get out!
ER
Doc Pick-Up Line: Hey girl,
I literally do know how to shock the socks off
you!
|
Q.
What did the optometrist need for sightseeing?
A. An eye-tinerary.
Q.
What is another name for a bad ophthalmologist?
A. An eye dropper.
Q.
What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A. Wet noses.
Patient:
I get a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink hot tea.
Eye Doctor: Have you tried removing the spoon from the cup?
|
Q.
Why did the snowman go to the doctor?
A. Because he had the chills.
Q.
Who wrote the doctor's office pamphlet, Wipe Away Your
Fear of Germs?
A. Polly Eth Eileen.
Q.
Why did the pillow need a doctor's appointment?
A. Because it was feeling all stuffed up, especially last
night.
When
a lawyer was coming out of anesthesia after surgery, he
asked, "Why are all the drapes drawn?" The doctor
replied, "There's a fire across the street, so we didn't
want you to think the operation was a failure." |
Q.
What happened when the doctor told the blonde to stop using
a Q-tip?
A. It went in one ear and out the other.
Doctor:
I have fantastic news to report. You passed your hearing
test!
Patient: What?
Q.
How does an audiology doctor describe the ER?
A. The thing on the side of your head that you hear with.
Q.
What happened when the guy forgot to wear the hearing aid
he just got from his doctor?
A. His wife gave him an earful.
|
Doctor:
I've got very bad news – you've got cancer and Alzheimer's.
Patient: Well, at least I don't have cancer.
An
elderly man told his doctor he'd like his sex drive lowered.
Doc replied, "Sir, at your age, your sex drive is mostly
in your head." Man said, "I know. That's why I
want it lowered."
Patient:
Doc, I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins.
Shrink: I just can't make heads or tails of it.
Q.
What is the difference between a nun and a nurse?
A. A nun only serves one God. |
Doctor's
Office Brain Scan Results: I heard a joke about amnesia,
but now I forget how it goes...
Q.
Why did the desktop computer go in to see the doctor?
A. It thought it had a terminal illness.
Q.
What did the math textbook ask the shrink?
A. Doc, Would you like to hear my problems?
A
doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off
all her clothes and then send the bill to her husband! |
Doctor's
Office Groan of the Day: Some patients really hate this
joke.
A
woman tells her doctor she wants a hysterectomy. The doc
asks, "Why Mrs. Robinson, you're 70 years old?"
She replies, "I don't want any grandchildren!"
Q.
What do you call a student that got all Cs in med school?
A. Hopefully not your doctor.
Overheard
at the Doctor's Office: Coin collecting is the one instance
where you are glad to hear something got diagnosed with
MS.
|
Q.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They'd rather just prescribe Prozac.
Q.
How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Adderall reminds patients they can do it themself.
Q.
What is reverse psychology?
A. When the patient makes the head shrinker cry!
Q.
Why was the architect seeing a psychiatrist?
A. Because he had an edifice complex. |
Q.
What is a red blood count?
A. Dracula!
Q.
What did the unhappy guy say after his limb replacement
surgery was botched?
A. I'll kill 'em with my bear hand!
Q.
Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
A. Because he couldn't stop coffin.
Patient:
I keep telling people that I'm a spider.
Psychiatrist: What a web of lies! |
Doctor:
We need to get these people to the hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with lots of doctors, but that's
not important right now.
Patient:
Doc, do you have any thing for my liver?
Doctor: How about some onions?
Q.
Why did the telemarketer with emotional issues finally see
a head doctor?
A. 'Cause she really had a lot of hang-ups!
|
Today's
Prescribed Point to Ponder: Do gnome doctors still make
house calls? Or, do you have to meet them out in the parking
lot?
Man:
My doctor told me to give up golf.
Friend: Why, did he examine your heart?
Man: No, he looked at my score card.
Q.
How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Take two aspirins and call in the morning... |
|
Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | Germ
Jokes | Dentist Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist
Jokes | Constipation Jokes
| Diarrhea Jokes | Blood
Jokes | 2 |
| How Many Doctors Does It Take To
Change a Light Bulb? | Sick Medical Jokes,
Hospital Humor |
| Shrink Jokes, Psychiatrist Jokes, Crazy
Funny | Addict Jokes, Rehab Puns
| Brain Jokes | 2
|
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic
Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes
| Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor
| 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | Eye
Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology
Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses
Jokes | Old MDs Never Die |
| Body Jokes | Human
Anatomy Jokes | Inner Body Puns,
Back Jokes | Butt Jokes | Heart
Humor |
| Male Body Jokes, Viagra Jokes | Female
Body Jokes | Chest Jokes, Pec Puns,
Breast Humor |
| Head Humor | Face
Jokes | Ear Puns | Nose
Jokes | Neck Puns | Ear,
Nose, Throat Humor |
| Mouth Jokes | Hand
Jokes, Finger Puns, Arm Humor | Leg
Jokes | Foot Jokes | Belly
Laughs |
You're
still breathing, so here's
even more contagious laughter,
viral humor, germy
jokes and nauseating painful
puns to pass around:
|
More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
|
Bartender Jokes | Cannabis
Puns | Cemetery Jokes |
Chef Jokes | Daily
Groans | Diet Puns | Fitness
Humor |
| Gym Jokes | Lawyer
Jokes | Magician Jokes | Money
Groans | Music Puns | Pick-Up
Lines | Psychic Jokes |
| Religion Jokes | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Undead Jokes | Vampire
Puns | Vegan Jokes |
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