Did you hear about the circumcision doctor's wife who kept the foreskins? She made them into a purse. When she rubbed it, it became an overnight bag!   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Sick Humor: They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.
Q. Which kind of fish performs brain surgery? A. A brain sturgeon!
Never lie to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you.
Don't bother asking a podiatrist for metric conversions. He only knows feet.


Sick Doctor Puns, Healthy Laughs, Viral Jokes
Take two sick puns, viral humor, and funny med jokes and call a doctor when you stop laughing.

Doctor Humor, Funny Medical Jokes, Sick Puns
(Because Germy Jokes and Sick Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You've Caught Whatever Is Going Around!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Nauseating jokes, sickening humor, contagious laughs and viral puns ahead.
Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Germ Jokes | Sick Come-Ons | Dentist Puns |
| Surgeon Jokes | Eye Doctor Jokes | Eye Puns | Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Blood Jokes |
| Psychiatrist Jokes | Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes |
| Futuristic Medical Jokes | Urologist LOLs | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Puns | Brain Jokes |

Potty Humor: Urologists Know How to Go with the Flow! Q. What do you call a group of brain cells that sing? A. A glia club!Q. What do you call an eye doctor in Alaska? A. An optical Aleutian!

Q. What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
A. A hematologist pricks your finger. OUCH!

Q. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A. An URLologist.

Today's Medical Practioner Malpractice Pun: Someone told a joke about transgender surgery. It took balls to pull that one off.

Q. Why did the Scotsman have to see an urologist?
A. 'Cause he had a wee bit of a problem.

Patient: Doc, I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit somebody's ear off.
Doctor: Oh, I see. That's a lot of calories.

Shrink: Have any members of your family suffered from insanity?
Patient: No, they all seemed to enjoy it.

Q. What is the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?
A. At a mental hospital, you have to show improvement to get out!

ER Doc Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, I literally do know how to shock the socks off you!

Q. What did the optometrist need for sightseeing?
A. An eye-tinerary.

Q. What is another name for a bad ophthalmologist?
A. An eye dropper.

Q. What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A. Wet noses.

Patient: I get a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink hot tea.
Eye Doctor: Have you tried removing the spoon from the cup?

Q. What vaccination does Santa get before Christmas eve? A. Shingles!Before in-ear digital hearing aids were invented, were they ear-normous?Q. What did the brain say during its retirement speech? A Thanks for the memories!

Q. Why did the snowman go to the doctor?
A. Because he had the chills.

Q. Who wrote the doctor's office pamphlet, Wipe Away Your Fear of Germs?
A. Polly Eth Eileen.

Q. Why did the pillow need a doctor's appointment?
A. Because it was feeling all stuffed up, especially last night.

When a lawyer was coming out of anesthesia after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the drapes drawn?" The doctor replied, "There's a fire across the street, so we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

Q. What happened when the doctor told the blonde to stop using a Q-tip?
A. It went in one ear and out the other.

Doctor: I have fantastic news to report. You passed your hearing test!
Patient: What?

Q. How does an audiology doctor describe the ER?
A. The thing on the side of your head that you hear with.

Q. What happened when the guy forgot to wear the hearing aid he just got from his doctor?
A. His wife gave him an earful.

Doctor: I've got very bad news – you've got cancer and Alzheimer's.
Patient: Well, at least I don't have cancer.

An elderly man told his doctor he'd like his sex drive lowered. Doc replied, "Sir, at your age, your sex drive is mostly in your head." Man said, "I know. That's why I want it lowered."

Patient: Doc, I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins.
Shrink: I just can't make heads or tails of it.

Q. What is the difference between a nun and a nurse?
A. A nun only serves one God.

Q. What do you call a hat for the brain? A. Thinking cap!Old doctors never die. They just lose their patience.Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. the bulb will change itself when it's ready!

Doctor's Office Brain Scan Results: I heard a joke about amnesia, but now I forget how it goes...

Q. Why did the desktop computer go in to see the doctor?
A. It thought it had a terminal illness.

Q. What did the math textbook ask the shrink?
A. Doc, Would you like to hear my problems?

A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send the bill to her husband!

Doctor's Office Groan of the Day: Some patients really hate this joke.

A woman tells her doctor she wants a hysterectomy. The doc asks, "Why Mrs. Robinson, you're 70 years old?" She replies, "I don't want any grandchildren!"

Q. What do you call a student that got all Cs in med school?
A. Hopefully not your doctor.

Overheard at the Doctor's Office: Coin collecting is the one instance where you are glad to hear something got diagnosed with MS.

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They'd rather just prescribe Prozac.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Adderall reminds patients they can do it themself.

Q. What is reverse psychology?
A. When the patient makes the head shrinker cry!

Q. Why was the architect seeing a psychiatrist?
A. Because he had an edifice complex.

Q. What do vampires take when they're sick? A. Coffin Drops!Q. When does it rain brains? A. During a brain storm!Holistic Elf Doctor is a Gnome-EOPATH.

Q. What is a red blood count?
A. Dracula!

Q. What did the unhappy guy say after his limb replacement surgery was botched?
A. I'll kill 'em with my bear hand!

Q. Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
A. Because he couldn't stop coffin.

Patient: I keep telling people that I'm a spider.
Psychiatrist: What a web of lies!

Doctor: We need to get these people to the hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with lots of doctors, but that's not important right now.

Patient: Doc, do you have any thing for my liver?
Doctor: How about some onions?

Q. Why did the telemarketer with emotional issues finally see a head doctor?
A. 'Cause she really had a lot of hang-ups!

Today's Prescribed Point to Ponder: Do gnome doctors still make house calls? Or, do you have to meet them out in the parking lot?

Man: My doctor told me to give up golf.
Friend: Why, did he examine your heart?
Man: No, he looked at my score card.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Take two aspirins and call in the morning...

| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Germ Jokes | Dentist Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| How Many Doctors Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb? | Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Humor |
| Shrink Jokes, Psychiatrist Jokes, Crazy Funny | Addict Jokes, Rehab Puns | Brain Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes | Old MDs Never Die |
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