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Halloween
Humor: Bloody Punny Vampire Jokes
4
out of 5 vampires recommend blood-sucking jokes, bloody humor, and vein
puns that bite back!
Blood Jokes, Bloody Funny Puns, Vampire Humor
(Because Going Green Is TOO Mainstream for
Leeches, Bloodletters, Mosquitoes and Blood Sucking Vampires!)
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Warning:
Proceed at Your Own Risk! Hypnotic humor, biting jokes, and hungry
vampire puns lie in wait ahead.
| Blood Jokes | 2
| Vampire Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| Vampire Arts | Friday
the 13th Humor |
| Haunted Halloween Jokes | Funny
Halloween Treats | Halloween Music Jokes
| Pumpkin Puns |
| Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Deadly
Cemetery Jokes | Haunted House
Humor | Werewolf Jokes |
| Scary Drinks | Frightful
Food | Scary Fun | Spooky
Sports | Frightful Fashion
| Scary Dentist |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster
Jokes | Mummy Puns | Skeleton
Jokes | Witch Humor |
Zombie Jokes |
Q.
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus performer?
A. A bloody entertaining act that goes straight for the
juggler!
Q.
Why did Count Dracula take up acting?
A. Because it was in his blood.
Q.
What happened when a vampire tried to rob a blood bank?
A. He was caught red-handed. |
Q.
Why did the vampire flunk out of art school?
A. Because he could only draw blood!
Q.
How did the musician know jazz was in his blood?
A. He was diagnosed with deep vein tromboneses.
Vampire
Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl,
is that blood lust I'm sensing, or just lust?
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Q.
Why did the vampire act so batty?
A. It was in his blood.
Q.
Why are you paid more at a sperm bank than at a blood bank?
A. Because sperm is handmade.
Q.
Which bloody scary song begins with the vampire riddle:
Why is the world a vampire? Because it sucks?
A. Bullet With Butterfly Wings by Smashing Pumpkins.
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Q.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A. A red blood count.
Q.
Why did the vampire avoid victims with type B negative
blood?
A. Because they always dampened his spirits.
Q.
Where does every vampire have an account?
A. At the blood bank.
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Q.
Where do blood-sucking vampire comedians get their best
jokes?
A. From a crypt writer.
Q.
What is the name of Dracula's new swanky new ship?
A. The Blood Vessel.
Q.
Why did the cops try to arrest the vampire?
A. For robbing the blood bank.
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Q.
Why was the snarky teenage prince vampire kicked out of
the house?
A. Because he was a bloody royal pain in the neck.
Q.
How do vampires get around in the city?
A. In a bloodmobile.
Q.
Why didn't the blood donors mind waiting?
A. Because the vampire's clinic had a plasma TV. |
Q.
Why don't witches go fishing in the blood stream, too?
A. Because they can only cast spells.
Q.
Which blood type did the successful motivational speaker
have?
A. B Positive. |
Q.
What do you get if you cross Google with a blood sucking
vampire?
A. A know-it-all that's a real pain in the neck!
Q.
How does a vampire describe an arctic graveyard?
A. Bloody Chilling. |
Vampire
Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl,
I'm a vampire in the streets, but a bloody devil in the
sheets.
Q.
What killer round did the zombie order at the bar on Halloween?
A. A shot of ta-kill-ya, a Bloody Mary, and a Mind Eraser!
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Q.
How do bloody tired vampires recharge at work during mid-afternoon?
A. They take a coffin break.
Q.
How can you tell if she's a natural blonde?
A. She studies for her blood test.
Q.
What do vampires call their best buds?
A. Blood brothers. |
Q.
Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.
BTW,
always remember that blood is thicker than water –
and a lot harder to get out of carpeting.
Bloody
Cheesy Vampire Pick-Up Line:
Hey Girl, wanna be immortal for just one night? |
Q.
How did the vampire fall in love with his wife?
A. It was bloody love at first bite!
Blood
is thicker than water, but it makes lousy lemonade.
– Alfred E. Neuman.
Q.
Which kind of fruit do vampires like best?
A. A blood orange. |
Q.
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a school teacher?
A. Lots of blood tests.
Doctor:
You've lost a lot of blood.
Blonde: Ooh, that can't be good.
Doctor: No, it's not. You're the worst blood bank manager
we've ever had. |
Q.
Why do people hate being bitten by blood sucking vampires
so much?
A. Because it's a real vein in the neck!
Q.
Why did the bitter guy tell the paramedics the wrong blood
type for his ex wife?
A. So that she'll finally know what rejection feels like.
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Q.
How are mosquitoes just like family?
A. Both are very annoying and they carry your blood!
Q.
What do you call a crazed insect that only sucks blood during
the full moon?
A. A luna tick. |
|
Blood Jokes | 2
| Vampire Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| Vampire Arts | Friday
the 13th Humor |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster
Jokes | Mummy Puns | Skeleton
Jokes | Witch Puns | Scary
Funny Puns |
| Deadly Cemetery Jokes | Tasty
Cannibal Jokes | Haunted House
Humor | Werewolf Jokes |
| Halloween Jokes | Halloween
Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin
Puns, Jack-O-Lantern Jokes |
| Scary Animal Jokes | Bat
Jokes | Bigfoot Sightings | Spider
Jokes | Zombie Jokes | Brain
Puns |
| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze
Puns, Spooky Drink LOLs | Frightful
Food Puns | Scary Party Jokes |
| Scary Sports Jokes | Frightful
Fashion Jokes, Scary Clothing Humor | Scary
DentistJokes |
| Old Never Die Jokes | Scary
Pick-Up Lines | Scary Clown Jokes
| Creepy Mimes | Chilling
LOLs |
Your heart's still pumping,
so here's even more red-blooded
humor,
immortal jokes, anemic
laughter and vein painful puns
that're just your type:
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More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
|
Actor Jokes | Artist
Jokes | Beer Jokes | Car
Puns | Chuck Norris Jokes
| Denver Jokes | Friday
Funnies |
| Hipster Humor | Insect
Jokes | Ketchup Jokes | Lawyer
Jokes | Music Jokes | Police
Jokes | Red Jokes |
| Redneck Jokes | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Sports Puns | Superhero
Jokes | Travel Jokes | Weather
Jokes | Weed Jokes |
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