Q. What is the blood type of happy people? A. B Positive!   PainfulPuns.com - Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes, Deadly LOL!

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Two blood cells met and fell in love, but it was all in vein!
Q. Why did the vampire consider hiself a good artist? A. He like to draw blood!
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night!
Sick Humor: They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.
Q. What is a vampire's favorite type of person to bite? A. A Redneck!


Halloween Humor: Bloody Punny Vampire Jokes
4 out of 5 vampires recommend blood-sucking jokes, bloody humor, and vein puns that bite back!

Blood Jokes, Bloody Funny Puns, Vampire Humor
(Because Going Green Is TOO Mainstream for Leeches, Bloodletters, Mosquitoes and Blood Sucking Vampires!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Hypnotic humor, biting jokes, and hungry vampire puns lie in wait ahead.
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Q. Why did a vampire drive on the highway? A. He was told it was a main artery!Q. How are vampires artistic? A. They're good at drawing blood!Q. What sort of club would a vampire join? A. A Blood Group!

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus performer?
A. A bloody entertaining act that goes straight for the juggler!

Q. Why did Count Dracula take up acting?
A. Because it was in his blood.

Q. What happened when a vampire tried to rob a blood bank?
A. He was caught red-handed.

Q. Why did the vampire flunk out of art school?
A. Because he could only draw blood!

Q. How did the musician know jazz was in his blood?
A. He was diagnosed with deep vein tromboneses.

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, is that blood lust I'm sensing, or just lust?

Q. Why did the vampire act so batty?
A. It was in his blood.

Q. Why are you paid more at a sperm bank than at a blood bank?
A. Because sperm is handmade.

Q. Which bloody scary song begins with the vampire riddle: Why is the world a vampire? Because it sucks?
A. Bullet With Butterfly Wings by Smashing Pumpkins.

Q. What does a vampire on a diet drink? A. Blood Light!Hulk Says: Chuck Norris does not take showers! He takes blood baths!Q. What do you call Dracula's car? A. A mobile blood unit!

Q. What do you call a communist vampire?
A. A red blood count.

Q. Why did the vampire avoid victims with type B negative blood?
A. Because they always dampened his spirits.

Q. Where does every vampire have an account?
A. At the blood bank.

Q. Where do blood-sucking vampire comedians get their best jokes?
A. From a crypt writer.

Q. What is the name of Dracula's new swanky new ship?
A. The Blood Vessel.

Q. Why did the cops try to arrest the vampire?
A. For robbing the blood bank.

Q. Why was the snarky teenage prince vampire kicked out of the house?
A. Because he was a bloody royal pain in the neck.

Q. How do vampires get around in the city?
A. In a bloodmobile.

Q. Why didn't the blood donors mind waiting?
A. Because the vampire's clinic had a plasma TV.

Q. Whare do vampires like to go fishing? A. In the blood stream!Barber: Oops, sorry! I just cut your chim!. Vampire: It's ok, it's not my blood!Q. What do you call a stupid vampire? A. A silly clot!

Q. Why don't witches go fishing in the blood stream, too?
A. Because they can only cast spells.

Q. Which blood type did the successful motivational speaker have?
A. B Positive.

Q. What do you get if you cross Google with a blood sucking vampire?
A. A know-it-all that's a real pain in the neck!

Q. How does a vampire describe an arctic graveyard?
A. Bloody Chilling.

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, I'm a vampire in the streets, but a bloody devil in the sheets.

Q. What killer round did the zombie order at the bar on Halloween?
A. A shot of ta-kill-ya, a Bloody Mary, and a Mind Eraser!

What did a vampire say when he went to the blood bank? A. I vant to make a withdrawal!Bloody Handprint Says: Happy Splatter Day!Q. Why are vampire families so close? A. Because blood is thicker than water!

Q. How do bloody tired vampires recharge at work during mid-afternoon?
A. They take a coffin break.

Q. How can you tell if she's a natural blonde?
A. She studies for her blood test.

Q. What do vampires call their best buds?
A. Blood brothers.

Q. Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.

BTW, always remember that blood is thicker than water – and a lot harder to get out of carpeting.

Bloody Cheesy Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, wanna be immortal for just one night?

Q. How did the vampire fall in love with his wife?
A. It was bloody love at first bite!

Blood is thicker than water, but it makes lousy lemonade.
– Alfred E. Neuman.

Q. Which kind of fruit do vampires like best?
A. A blood orange.

Q. What is Rhubarb? A. Celery with high blood pressure!Q. What sort of group does a vampire join? A. A Blood Group!Q. What is small, gray, suck blood, and eats cheese? A. A Mouse-quito!

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a school teacher?
A. Lots of blood tests.

Doctor: You've lost a lot of blood.
Blonde: Ooh, that can't be good.
Doctor: No, it's not. You're the worst blood bank manager we've ever had.

Q. Why do people hate being bitten by blood sucking vampires so much?
A. Because it's a real vein in the neck!

Q. Why did the bitter guy tell the paramedics the wrong blood type for his ex wife?
A. So that she'll finally know what rejection feels like.

Q. How are mosquitoes just like family?
A. Both are very annoying and they carry your blood!

Q. What do you call a crazed insect that only sucks blood during the full moon?
A. A luna tick.

| Blood Jokes | 2 | Vampire Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Vampire Arts | Friday the 13th Humor |
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| Scary Sports Jokes | Frightful Fashion Jokes, Scary Clothing Humor | Scary DentistJokes |
| Old Never Die Jokes | Scary Pick-Up Lines | Scary Clown Jokes | Creepy Mimes | Chilling LOLs |

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