Q. What happened to the Italian chef who tried to bribe the judge with polenta?
A. He was held in corntempt.

Mr. Spock, a rabbit, and a corn stalk walk into a bar. Bartender asks, "You guys want to hear a joke?" They replied, "We're all ears."

Vegan Chef Come-On: Hey girl, not to sound corny, but I think you are a-maize-ing!

Q. What does a farmer call a rooster that's trained to remove corn husks?
A. A cock shucker.

Q. Which kind of corn jokes are the funniest?
A. The ones that really pop.

Did you hear about the chef who was a-maize-ing at making corny jokes? His puns were very cheesy.

Q. Why did the blonde love wearing her new bra to the movies?
A. It was great for catching the stray popcorn.

Q. Why couldn't the chicken eat the farmer's blue rihbon corn?
A. 'Cause it was im-peckable.

Q. What did the vegan witch use in her magic potions?
A. Ear of corn and eye of potato.

Q. Why does corn make everything better?
A. 'Cause it's so a-maize-ing.

Did you hear about the accident on the army base? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two kernels. OUCH!

Q. How do you describe a really corny pun?
A. Truly ear-ful.

Q. Which holiday does corn always celebrate?
A. New Ear's Day.

Q. How do you describe a kernel that's lost in the microwave?
A. Corn-fused.

Q. Why is it hard to keep secrets on a farm?
A. Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

Q. What should you do if you don't like the corn you brought home from KFC?
A. Blame the Kernel.

Q. What do you say to uncooperative corn with a bad attitude?
A. Just go shuck yourself.

Cornball Point to Ponder: If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

Q. What do you call a group of extraterrestrials that hold regular meetings in a corn field?
A. A crop circle.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the popcorn?
A. It was charged with a salt and buttery.

Q. When does corn set off fireworks and get drunk?
A. New Ear's Eve.

Q. When shouldn't you tell a crap joke?
A. If it's just too corny.

Q. Which kind of maize makes dirty X-rated movies?
A. Corn stars.

Q. How do you interogate kettle corn?
A. With a pop quiz.

Q. Why was the corn ordering the cabbage around?
A. 'Cause it was the Kernel.

Q. What do you call a sick monster who puts poison in the corn flakes?
A. A cereal killer.

Q. Why did the blonde tape a bag of microwave popcorn to the ceiling?
A. 'Cause the old smoke alarm needed to be replacef.

Q. What is popcorn seasoned with cann-butter called in Colorado?
A. Mari Poppins.

Q. Why was the corn such an a-maize-ing piano player?
A. It could play any tune by ear.

Q. What did the shy corn say when it got a huge compliment?
A. Aw, shucks.

Q. Why did an ear of corn, a head of cabbage, a carrot and cucumber all jump into the ocean?
A. 'Cause they're all C foods.

Q. Why was the Iowa farmer so rich?
A. He corn-ered the market.

Q. Why did the Iowa farmer fire the corn?
A. For sleeping on the cob.

Q. How are popcorn and KFC alike?
A. Both have greasy old kernels.

Q. Who is the best corn magician in Iowa?
A. The A-Maize-ing Randy.

Q. How do you know how long to leave sweet corn on the BBQ grill?
A. Just play it by ear.

Q. What is a plump ear of corn called?
A. Husk-y.

Q. Which kind of corn is the holiest?
A. Pope Corn.

Q. What do popcorn, water, KFC chicken and ice all have in common?
A. They're all on somebody's bucket list.

Q. What did the Colorado chef say when asked about his hot jokes?
A. My puns are corny as taco shells!

Car Dining Tip of the Eay: Always eat your tacos over a corn tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, voila! you'll have an enchilada!

We'd deliver one last tortilla joke, but it would be really corny.

Q. What did the farmer get when he crossed maize with a cow?
A. Corned Beef.

Q. Which kind of poultry is raised on maize and stones?
A. Rock Cornish Game Hens.

Q. What did the Italian chef say when diners asked for more of his primo con dish?
A. There's polenta more where that came from.

Q. What do you get when a steamroller drives into a maize field?
A. Creamed corn.

Q. Where does corn on the cob like to go on vacation?
A. Lake Earie.

Q. What happens when corn tells you its deepest, darkest secret?
A. You get an earful.

Q. What do you say to an Iowa farmer whose crop is knee-high by the 4th of July?
A. Corn-gratulations!

Q. Where is the most convenient place to buy maize in the city?
A. At the corn-er store.

Q. Which vegetables do podiatrists see most often?
A. B-onions and corns.

Q. What advice does wise corn share with the young 'uns?
A. Watch out for stalkers.

Q. Which breed of dog do many Iowa corn farmers prefer?
A. Husky.

Q. Where does NASA launch maize into space?
A. At Cape Corn-averal.

Pick Up a Fast Food Guy Line: Are you a Frito? 'Cause this come-on is really corny.

Snacking Groan of the Day: Up until the time I bought this bag of blue corn chips, I thought air was free.

Q. What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A. A bag of corn chips in each hand.

Q. Which kind of corn chips are best after a day of skiing when you're sitting in front of the fireplace with your boots off?
A. Tostitos.

Q. What do you call a monkey that sells corn curls, and tortilla chips, and Fritos?
A. A chipmonk!

Q. What did the candy bar say to the popcorn at the movie theater concession stand?
A. I bet you're quite popular.

Q. Which Painful Puns do pigs enjoy the most?
A. The corniest ones!

Q. What do dairy cows eat up cheese jokes and Painful cheesy food Puns?
A. Because they like corn.

Q. Why does maize fear James, Jr.?
A. 'Cause Jimmy crack corn, and he don't care.

Q. Which kind of maize gets the best grades in school?
A. A-corn.

Q. What happens when you compliment a corn stalk?
A. It grins from ear to ear.

Q. What do gymnasts like on their popcorn?
A. Sommer-salt.

Q. Who was the most famous corn baseball player?
A. Ty Cob.

Q. How does maize pay its way?
A. With corn bread.

Q. Where can you watch a clown juggle maize?
A. At a corn-ival.

Q. What did the eye doctor say when questioned about his jokes?
A. My puns are corneas taco shells!

Q. What did the corn chip say to the guacamole?
A. Avacado crush on you!

Q. How do you describe decorative Halloween corn?
A. Ear-ie.

Q. Which music genre does kettle corn listen to?
A. Pop.

Q. What's the difference between popcorn and pea soup?
A. Anybody can pop corn...

Q. Which kind of corn is edible, but can't be grown?
A. Candy corn.

Q. How does corn log-on to the Internet?
A. It uses the cob web.

Q. Which kind of corn only has one kernel?
A. A unicorn.

Q. How is the corn army different from the regular army?
A. Every soldier is a kernel.

Q. Which snack do dogs prefer while watching a crappy movie with their human?
A. Poop-corn.

Q. Which snack food ranks the highest?
A. The popcorn colonel.

Q. What do mice use corn oil for?
A. To stop it from squeaking.

Q. How do corn farmers decorate at Christmas time?
A. They hang stalkings from the fireplace mantel.

Q. Which flowers are the favorite of kettle corn?
A. Poppies.

Q. How do you describe corn with a deep raspy deep voice?
A. Husk-y.

Q. What do you get when you cross sweet corn with a spider?
A. A cobweb.

Corny Point to Ponder: When you come across sweet corn on sale at the grocery store for $1 each, is that a bucaneer sale?

You wanna hear a poop joke? Oh nevermind ... It's too corny.

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