Did you hear about the condiment race? Relish is in the lead, but mustard mayo ketchup soon!

Tomato and lettuce had a race. The lettuce was a head, and the tomato was in the ketchup place.

Q. What do you call mayonnaise or margarine that's halfway toward its expiration date?
A. Middle-age spread.

Did you hear that mayonnaise is doing really, really well? Yes, in fact, it's on a roll!

Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard!

Tomato Pick-Up Line: Are you ketchup? 'Cause I'm mustard and we should get together on a weiner.

I relish the fact you've mustard the strength to ketchup on tasty puns.

Did you hear the hilarious joke about mayonnaise? Never mind ­ I shouldn't spread it.

Q. How are you enjoying life while eating a hot dog?
A. You're relishing the moment!

Q. Which tourist spot in England do pickles really relish?
A. Picadilly Square!

Q. What does an agreeable pickle usually say?
A. I relish the idea!

Q. What do pickles call take home pay?
A. Bread and butter.

Q. Why was the hamburger thrown out of the army?
A. Because he couldn't pass the mustard.

Q. What do you give to a dog with a fever?
A. Mustard is always the best thing for a hot dog!

Q. Why did the blonde put her jar of mayonnaise under water on May 5?
A. Because it was Sink-o Duh Mayo!

Q. Who wrote the kitchen condiment book, Please Pass On the Ketchup?
A. May O. Nays.

Q. Why can't a seedless cucumber be pickled?
A. Infer-dill-ity.

Q. What did the pickle say when it was told it was going into tuna salad?
A. I relish the thought.

Q. Where are you if you get your hand stuck in a jar of gherkins?
A. Right in a pickle.

Q. Why did the disgruntled hot dog vendor quit his job?
A. He just didn't relish it.

Q. How was the first tomato condiment container designed?
A. It all started with a sketchup.

A guy rubbed some ketchup in his eyes. But, in Heinz sight, that was not a good idea...

Q. What did the coach say to the slow tomato runner?
A. Red, you'd better catch up!

Q. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?
A. Make me one with everything.

Q. How is life like ketchup?
A. Good things in life come forth slowly and are worth waiting for.

Q. Why are tomatoes considered to be the fastest fruits?
A. 'Cause no others can ketchup.

Q. What do tomatoes do at their high school reunions?
A. They ketchup with old friends.

Foodie Fun Fact of the Day: It isn't widely known that the sound a tomato makes when it sneezes is "Ketchup!"

Q. What is ketchup's favorite dance?
A. The Salsa!

Q. What's the worst thing about salsa dancing?
A. Getting the tomato stains out of your clothes afterward.

Q. Why was the blonde chef crushing tomotoes with her upper legs?
A. She was making Peak 'o de Thigh-o. Duh!

Q. What does a pickle order at a Mexican restaurant?
A. Pica-dill-o and rice.

Q. Should you ever eat pickles on an empty stomach?
A. Yes, but it's better to eat them off a plate.

Q. What is it called when gherkins go on sale?
A. A Great Dill!

Q. Why is the pickle container open?
A. Because it's always ajar.

Q. How does a hamburger acquire good tastes?
A. With a little seasoning, and plenty of condiments.

Did you hear about the pickles abducted by aliens? Nobody believed them because they were full of crock.

Q. What did the dill say to his sweet pickle?
A. Pucker up!

Q. What did the sour dill pickle say to the cherry tomato?
A. Hey Sweetie, why are you blushing?

Tomato Point to Ponder: If tomatoes are a fruit, then is ketchup a smoothie? Or, is ketchup a jam?

Did you hear about the new GMO onions that make you laugh? Wow, when did Colorado cannabis growers perfect "Bermuda Smiles?"

Q. What happened after the chef opened the refrigerator door because he heard green onions singing a Bee Gees song?
A. He realized it was just chives talking.

Did you hear about the onion family that perished? They will dearly be minced...

Food Fact of the Day: Onion rings are actually the donuts of the vegetable world!

Did you hear about the hamburger that was murdered? First it was rolled, then it was smothered in onions.

Q. Which herb does a gourmet pirate chef add to his meals?
A. A few sprigs of paRRRsley.

Q. Which vegetables are a plumber's favorite garnish?
A. Leeks.

Q. Which kind of wild onions have rhyme and rhythm
A. Rap scallions.

Q. What are small, white, round and often giggles?
A. Tickled onions.

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