Q. What did the gourmand food critic say about the new gourmet eatery named Escargot To Go?
A. They snail in comparison.

Q. Why aren't there any French delicacies in Davy Jones' locker?
A. Because dead men sell no snails.

Q. Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot?
A. Snails are not fast food and nobody's got slime for that!

Today's Gourmet Restaurant Special: The conch soup was quite expensive, but the diners were willing to shell out for it.

Q. Why did the cannibal chef quit his job at the gourmet restaurant?
A. 'Cause he was fed up with the customers.

Q. What do snooty connoisseurs call French bread with a wine-like aroma?
A. Nose scones.

Q. How does a gourmet chef acquire great taste?
A. With a little seasoning.

Q. Why did the new restaurant owner invite the warehouse staff to a gourmet dinner?
A. He heard they have good pallets.

Q. Why do great gourmet chefs always use genuine butter?
A. Because then there's no maragine for error!

Gourmet Food Point to Ponder: If you heard a rumor about better butter, would you spread it?

Q. Why did the gourmet French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant?
A. Because he got the crepes.

Gourmet Restaurant Point to Ponder: Any cook who swears is French, or is that just what he wants you to think?

Q. What was the best thing the food critic could say about the new French restaurant?
A. This place gives me the crepes.

Q. Why did the French g food critic quit his job?
A. He was tired of all the crepe.

Q. What do French gourmets do when they visit Vegas?
A.They shoot crepes.

Q. Where are deceased gourmets entombed in France?
A. In a crepe-t.

Q. What did the food critic write about the gourmet restaurant?
A. This place is full of crepe.

Did you hear about the guy who died eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have dragged him a mile! Yes, the bull was really quite testy.

Q. What gourmet treats are tourists served at the Colorado dude ranch before the main course?
A. Horse d'oeuvres.

Q. What does a manly man consider a seven-course gourmet meal?
A. A six-pack of Colorado craft beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other.

Q. What do you get if you dunk a gourmet cannabis edible in Vodka and then touch a lit match to it?
A. The Holy Spirit Flambe.

Q. What do you call it when a gourmet chef runs out of seafood for her world famous chowder?
A. A clam-ity!

Impatient Gourmand Customer: How long do I have to wait for the turtle soup?
Waiter: Well sir, you do realize turtles are really slow...

Q. Which trendy gourmet coffee drink includes minuscule bits of flaky, transparent minerals?
A. Mica mocha.

Q. What do you call it when you walk into a gourmet coffee house you're sure you've been to before?
A. Deja Brew!

Q. What did the snooty gourmet chef do when none of the restaurant's meals impressed him?
A. He made a last dish effort.

The guy who recommended this gourmet restaurant to us had no reservations.

Customer at Gourmet Restaurant: Why doesn't your menu list the prices?
Waiter: They don't want to make you sick before you've eaten.

Q. How much did the crabby food critic tip the waiter at the new gourmet restaurant?
A. Two cents.

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my wine!
Waiter: Yes ma'am, you asked for a house red with a little body in it.

Q. What do sommeliers think about Painful wine Puns?
A. They're grape. In fact, they are absolutely de-vine!

Q. Which dog breed is preferred by the sommelier?
A. Bordeaux Collie.

Q. What do you call the connoisseur who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A. A Sherry Picker.

Customer: What is the name of the dessert with espresso over ice cream? Italian Restaurant
Waiter: Affogato.
Customer: Yeah, I can't think of its name, either...

French Chef Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, you're twice as sweet as Creme Brulee, and a lot less drippy.

Q. How can you tell if a gourmet French restaurant is haunted?
A. It gives you the crepes.

Old food critics never die, they just lose their sense of taste.

Q. What is one clue you're a wine snob?
A. You can spell connoisseur without having to autocorrect it.

Q. Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
A. Because wine snobs hate them!

Q. How do wine lovers hear about the lastest connoisseur vintage?
A. Through the grapevine.

Q. Where do wine connoisseurs lock up their vino collection?
A. In a wine cabernet.

Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?

Q. How do you make gourmet cheese?
A. Ewe's milk!

Q. What did the Italian gourmet chef say when diners asked for more of his primo corn dish?
A. There's polenta more where that came from.

Q. What does the chef say when a gourmet meal he makes completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
A. It hit despot.

Q. Why did the barista quit her job at the chic gourmet coffee house?
A. It just wasn't her cup of tea.

Q. Why was the guy fired from his job at the gourmet coffee company?
A. The boss said he had no filter.

Gourmet Dining Wisdom of the Day: Never trust a skinny chef!

Customer: Waiter, there's a small slug in this salad.
Waiter: Sorry sir, would you like me to get you a larger one?

Q. Which herb does a gourmet pirate chef add to his meals?
A. A few sprigs of paRRRsley.

Q. What do gourmets call a really bad review of a crepe restaurant?
A. A pan.

Snooty Customer: Do you have frog legs?
Waiter: Yes, sir.
Customer: We'll hop on over here and bring me a grilled cheese sandwich.

Snooty Customer: My lunch is talking to me.
Waiter: Yes sir, that's why I don't recommend the tongue sandwich.

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