New Construction Point to Ponder: Why is it called a building if it's already built?

Q. What do you call the phobia of over-engineered high-rise buildings?
A. A complex complex complex.

Q. How did the couple feel when they went to view an empty apartment?
A. They liked the vacant-see.

Q. What is the tallest building in the world?
A. The library has the most stories.

Q. What happened when the kid microwaved his toy building blocks?
A. He ended up with Legoo.

Q. What do you call it when a tall Lego structure topples over?
A. Tumbling blocks.

Q. What did the apartment sing to the landlord?
A. Please Re-Lease Me!

A California Highway Patrolman pulled over a speeder and asked for his real estate license. The puzzled driver asked, "Don't you mean driver's license?" The cop replied, "No, not everyone in California has one of those."

Q. What is a landlord's favorite board game?
A. Monopoly.

Q. What do realtors call it when the new home's power is turned on for the first time?
A. A current event.

Q. What do you call the uphill costs associated with maintaining a moving walkway?
A. Escalating expenses.

Q. Why is some southern Louisiana architecture bad?
A. Because it's either new or leans.

Q. How far along was the construction on the new housing complex?
A. It was in the home stretch.

Q. What is it called when you're stuck in an elevator?
A. Wrong on so many levels...

Q. Which part of a room is always warmest?
A. They corner. It's always 90º there.

Did you hear about the emotional architect's wedding? Even the cake was in tiers.

Q. Did you hear about the struggling owners of the bed and breakfast?
A. They were inn over their heads.

Q. What do you need to know to sell vacant land successfully?
A. Lots and lots.

Q. Which kind of building weighs the least?
A. A Lighthouse.

Q. What do you call the study of residential real estate?
A. Homeology.

Q. Why couldn't the landlord lease the available house?
A. Because the highway next door was a real deter-rent.

Old architects never die. They just lose their structure.

Fun Architect Tip: Never use the word veranda as an expletive because it's a porch choice of words.

Q. What do you call it when somebody is contemplating jumping off a skyscraper?
A. A cliffhanger.

Q. Why did they open a cocktail lounge on the 96th floor of the Hancock Building?
A. They wanted to set the bar high.

Q. What is the best part about elevator jokes?
A. They do really know how to push your buttons.

Old light bulbs never die. They just blink out.

Q. What is the definition of the perfect tenant?
A. The landlord doesn't know your name.

Q. What do landlords call the mayhem and destruction that results when a whole apartment compplex stinks to high heaven?
A. Reeking havoc.

Q. What does a realtor use for birth control?
A. His personality.

Q. What is a landlord?
A. A real estate agent with no sense of humor.

Q. What is a mortgage broker?
A. A realtor with no sense of humor.

Q. What is the best part about elevator jokes?
A. They always work on so many levels.

Q. What is the worst part about elevator jokes?
A. They have their ups and downs.

Q. Why was the elevator operator given the shaft?
A. He wasn't able to handle all the ups and downsof the job.

Q. What is the worst part about elevator puns?
A. They're not usually very uplifting.

Q. What do realtors call a community that is well on its way to becoming a wealthy neighborhood?
A. An half-fluent area…

Q. Why did the apartment building super quit?
A. The pay was flat.

Q. Why didn't the hipster real estate agent show the Riverside mansion?
A. Because it was too current.

Q. What did the news that there had been numerous burglaries in the apartment complex produce?
A. Cause for alarm.

Lift Point to Ponder: Why is the elevator never on the same floor as you?

Q. What do good landlords and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never actually see one.

Q. Why shouldn't you make jokes about Chinese skyscrapers?
A. Because that is so Wong on so many levels.

Q. If a blonde and a redneck jump off a skyscraper who will hit the ground first?
A. The redneck, 'cause the blonde will stop to ask for directions.

Q. Why did investors decide to buy into in the new skyscraper project?
A. They were able to get in on the ground floor.

Q. How quickly does an attractive urban area turn into a run-down eyesore?
A. At the speed of blight.

Q. What did one wall say to the other?
A. Psst, meet me at the corner.

Q. Why do Southerners hate landlords?
A. 'Cause the devil rent down to Georgia.

Q. How are bats and real estate agents alike?
A. Both echo location, location, location.

Q. Why can't those neighbors sell their house?
A. They always leave the sprinklers on, and it's a constant source of irrigation.

Q. How can you tell if you've found a good realtor?
A. He has a mortgage loophole named after him.

Old light bulbs never die, but they do blink out.

Q. What is the difference between a sperm and a realtor?
A. The sperm has a one in a million chance of becoming human.

Q. How many realtors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five, for no particular reason – it's always been that way.

Q. When asked about how many home sites were still available in the new subdivision, what did the realtor say?
A. Lots are available.

Q. What is the best part about elevator jokes?
A. They always lift you up when you're feeling down.

Q. How many insects do you need to rent out an apartment?
A. Tenants.

Q. How do you romance a landlord?
A. With long romantic walks to the bank.

Q. Why do they bury dead landlords 20 feet under?
A. Because deep down, they really are good.

Q. How was the development of the new wooded community going?
A. They were making in-roads.

TV News Reporter: Where is the best place to begin the fight against terror?
Blonde Realtor: Haunted houses. Duh!

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