Gnome funny business allowed! - Job Jokes, Funny Occupations, Work Whoas?

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Q. Why did
the CEO of the
can crushing
company quit?

A. 'Cause the
job was just
soda pressing.

Did you hear about the successful owner of a firewood business? He had money to burn!

Q. How did
the boss
know his job
was secure?

A. 'Cause
nobody else
wanted it.

Q. How is Christmas just like your job? A. You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!


Business Jokes, CEO Puns, Corporate Humor
Cash in on profitable work-related puns, executive humor, boss jokes and big business laughs.

Boss Jokes, Company Humor, Employer Puns
(Because CEO Jokes and Boss Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Working in Your Home Office!)
Warning: Proceed with Due Profit! Office worker jokes, company perk humor, paid laughs and bonus puns ahead.
| Boss Jokes, CEO Puns | You're Fired Jokes, Canned LOLs | I Quit! Job Jokes | Crappy Job Jokes I
| Accountant | Clown Jokes | Dentist Jokes | Engineer | Factory Worker | Home Contractor |
| Lawyer Jokes | Locksmith Puns | Musician Jokes | Photographer | Politician Jokes | Reporter |

Q. What did the group of sedentary executives with expanding waistlines call their worouts? A. Middle Management!
Hi, I'm from the corporate gnome office.
Ape Asks: Did you hear about the CEO who dropped a brownie on his calculator? e was trying to fudge the numbers!

Q. Which boss is in charge of cleaning up all the corporate mess ups?
A. A muddle manager.

Middling Management Fact of the Day; A good project manager makes updates. A bad project manager makes up dates.

Q. How are your boss and a diaper alike?
A. Both are always on your ass and full of shit.

Q. What do employees call the boss who pleasures himself in the executive restroom?
A. The diddle manager.

Q. What do you ccall bosses wito just sit around all day and play with their thumbs?
A. Twiddle management.

Q. How did the woman become the CEO of the big Colorado cannabis company?
A. She broke through the grass ceiling.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the CEO of the prosthetics company?
A. 'Cause he was involved in arms dealing.

Q. What do you call workers employed by big companies to appraise things?
A. Corporate raters.

Q. Why did the blonde give her boss a snowglobe for Christmas?
A. 'Cause he was always taking about wanting to shake things up.

Q. Why did the boss hire a former porn star?
A. He knew she had a lot of spunk in her.

Q. What happened after the CEO was arrested for voyeurism?
A. The company's stalk went down.

Q. Why did the office efficiency expert only iron the fronts of his shirts?
A. 'Cause he never turns his back on the boss.

Q. Why did the CEO of the Scotch Tape company resign his position?
A. Stakeholder relations were sticky.

Boss: Your math scores are average:
Employee: Sir, that's just mean.

Q. Why did the guy quit his job at the helium company?
A. He didn't like his boss's tone of voice.

Q. Why won't
Satan let CEOs
into hell?

A. He doesn't
want the

Q. What do you call the head of a recliner factory? A. The chairman!

Q. What is
the major
of business

A. Corporate
money flaw.

Q. What do they call the business head at Old MacDonald's Farm?

Big Business Point to Ponder: Low wage workers play basketball, tradesmen go bowling, middle managers play softball, and CEOs play golf. So, does that mean the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get?

To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential!

Q. What is the difference between a corporate CEO and a carp?
A. One is a sucking botom feeder, and the other's a fish.

Wife: Why are you home so early today?
Husband: Because my boss told me to go to hell.

Q. Why was the boss at the recliner factory fired?
A. 'Cause he was just too laid back.

Q. What did the CFO report about business at the new window company?
A. They were experiencing growing panes.

Q. Why is working as a window washer so stressful?
A. Because the boss is always doing spot checks.

Q. What do office workers call a memo the boss poted in the window above a door?
A. A transom note.

Job Hopping Point to Ponder: Does it make any difference how many times a married guy changes jobs, if his wife is still the boss?

Q. What did the CEO call expenses for his new company that makes bubble gum?
A. The cost of chewing business.

Q. What happened to the guy who fell into a vat of gum at the Wrigley factory?
A.The boss chewed him out.

Q. What happened after the guy's profitable bakery burned down?
A. Now his business is toast.

Q. What do you call the finance boss who took away all of the employee perks?
A. The CFU.

Q. What is the most secure job during a recession?
A. Garbage collector, because business is always picking up.

Q. Which companty perk do locksmiths care the least about? A. The key to the executife bathroom!

Q. Where is
the main
meeting place
for company

A. The master

Job Joke: Whiteboards Are Remarkable!

Q. Why did the locksmith boss keep getting promotions and raises?
A. Because he was a key employee.

Q. What is it called when a boss gives her employees bonus checks in person?
A. Paying them a visit.

Q. What did the CEO of the casino chain call it when business was on the rise and growing.
A. Bettor and bettor.

Q. Why are bosses at pretzel factories the most sadistic?
A. 'Cause they're always so twisted.

Husband: Why are you home early today?
Wife: 'Cause the boss told me to have a good day.

Q. What happens after somebody curses loudly at a corporate board meeting?
A. A shock word silence.

Q. Where do long, drawn out, redundant company meetings take place?
A. The corporate bored room.

Q. Which new carpentry dating site is popular among studs?
A. Board Meetings.

Q. Where do executive pumpkins hold their business meetings?
A. In a gourd-room.

Q. What did the head of the accounting department do that really livened up the office party?
A. He went home.

Q. What do you call the boss at the office who just loves writing on blackboards?
A. A chalk-aholic.

Q. What happened after the soft drink company CEO was fired?
A. He was soda depressed that he developed a Coke habit.

Q. Why did the Apple exec forget his iPhone and car keys?
A. 'Cause his head was in the cloud.

Q. What did corporate board members say when the cheif presented a crazy business plan?

Company Perk Point to Ponder: Why is the reward for a job well done more work?

Q. What is it
called when
sisters start a
new business

Work related.

Q. What is the best way to get a job at a dentist office? A. Word of mouth!

Q. Why don't
old ad execs
ever die?

A. 'Cause their
jingles are
stuck in your
head forever.

Q. What do you say when asked about the sister who is the CEO of your enterprise?
A. Nun of your business.

Q. What happened after the generous executive woman signed over her property to become a park?
A. She was thanked for her good deed.

Boss: How good are you at spreadsheets?
New Employee: I Excel at it.

Q. What did the computer prgrammer want from his boss?
A. Arrays.

Laid Off Laugh of the Day: The boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me...

Q. What did the insurance company tell the business owner who wanted a policy in case of a volcanic eruption?
A. I ash-ure you'll be covered.

Q. What is it called when your boss watches you from miles away?
A. Supervision.

Q. Why did the guy get the boot from the shoe factory?
A. The boss claimed he just didn't fit in and that he was a loafer.

Q. What do you call a stickler boss who doesn't allow beards or mustaches in the workplace?
A. A shave driver.

Q. Why was the vampire removed from his position as company CEO?
A. Because he could not appeal to the stakeholders.

Office Politics Pointer of the Day: Never shorten your boss's name to "Dick, especially if his name's not "Richard."

Q. Why was the guy fired from his job at the gourmet coffee company?
A. The boss said he had no filter.

Q. What does the boss call his employees who field calls from highly edgy people?
A. Customer nervous representatives.

Q. How many administrative assistants does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. I can't do anything unless you complete a light buld design change request.

Q. Which retro office workers knew shorthand and were strict disciplinarians?
A. Sternographers.

Q. Why did the boss tell the headhunter to hire a chicken?
A. Because she'd accept a poultry salary.

Q. What is it called when your body is exhausted and sore at work all the time?
A. Aching out a living.

Q. What did the boss at the trash collecting company say to fire the garbageman?
A. You're canned.

Q. What did company execs do after they found that their billboards were so successful?
A. They decided to ad a new one.

Q. Why did the boss bail out of the hot air balloon business?
A. Because it never really took off.

Q. Why did the judge stop the business merger between Morton's and Duracell?
A. 'Cause he could not allow a salt and battery in his courtroom.

Q. Why did the boss hire a scarecrow for that great new job opening?
A. Because he was truly outstanding in the field.

Q. When is it bad business to be reaching higher?
A. When you're a bank teller in a hold-up!

The boss at the pub approached the bartender and asked if he'd been sleeping with the waitress. The bartender said, "No." Boss replied, "Good. Then you go fire her."

Q. Why couldn't the headhunter find a job for the boss's musician son?
A. He wasn't noteworthy.

Boss: Why did you leave your last job?
Job Candidate: The company relocated and didn't tell me where...

Q. Do old bosses ever die?
A. No, no matter how much you wish they would.

| Boss Jokes, CEO Puns | You're Fired Jokes, Canned LOLs | I Quit! Job Jokes | Crappy Job Jokes I
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