Author Jokes, Writer Puns, Literary Humor

Literary Jokes, Author Humor, Writer Puns
(Literally Speaking, Well-Written Jokes and Crafty Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream at Writers' Workshop!)

Did you hear about the new national book club? They have local chapters!

Groaner: A Book Just Fell On My Head. I've Only Got My Shelf To Blame.

Q. Which word is always spelled wrong in the dictionary? A. Wrong!

Q. What is the tallest building in the world?
A. The library, because it has the most stories.

Q. Why didn't the burglar break into the library?
A. He was afraid if he got caught, he'd get a really long sentence.

Q. What do story tellers and dogs have in common?
A. Both like to wag their tales.

Q. What is an author's choice alcoholic beverage when writing the first version of a new piece?
A. Draft beer!

Q. Which writing genre pays the most?
A. Ransom notes!

Q. What might you expect from a bookcase that isn't very well made?
A. A short shelf life.

Q. What do you get if you throw a lot of books into the ocean?
A. A Title Wave!

Q. What do you need for a quick book review?
A. A second glance.

Q. Who authored the new self-help book, Equally Adept?
A. Amber Dex Truss.

Q. Why was Noah Webster considered an important public figure?
A. Because he's a truly defining name in history.

Q. Why did the book go to the hospital?
A. 'Cause it hurt its spine.

Q. Why are first books so afraid of their sequels?
A. 'Cause they always come after them...

Q. What did the lunch buffet at the textbook writer's conference feature?
A. A table of contents.

Q. Which vegetables do librarians like?
A. Quiet Peas!

Q. What did the librarian say to the astronaut?
A. I'll find space for your book.

Q. Who is the biggest story teller at school?
A. The lie-brarian!

Did you return your books late? 'Cause you've got FINE written all over you!

Q. What did the winning authors get when they won at tug-o-war? A. A Pull-it-zer prize!

Have you read the book, Damn It Jim? It's by Ima Doctor and Nada Bricklayer.

Q. What did the library cop say when the guy didn't pay the late fee?
A. I'm gonna have to book ya.

Q. What do you call settlers in new regions who write dishy newspaper articles?
A. Gossip colonists.

Q. What does a writer say when he's already got plans for the weekend?
A. Sorry, I'm booked.

Q. How is the library like the hooker standing on the corner in front?
A. Both are open to the public.

Q. Which old Denver hippie wrote the hot best seller, Stoned Age Me?
A. Neil Ithick.

Q. What do librarians take with them when they go fishing?
A. Book worms.

Q. If you're an expert at coining adages, what do you specialize in?
A. Maxim-izing.

Q. What did the librarian say when her shift was over?
A. Time to Book!

Q. Who was the toughest guy in the book club?
A. Conan, the Librarian.

Q. Which author wrote the new tell-all book, Forthright Tonight?
A. Franc O. Pinion.

Q. What does an author do if his dog starts eating his manuscript?
A. He takes the words right out of his mouth!

Q. Which bounty hunter wrote the tell-all book, Bad Dawg's Dinner?
A. Norah Bonz.

Q. Why didn't the kid try to check out The Cat In The Hat from the school library?
A. 'Cause he didn't think Dr. Seuss made house calls.

Q. What did Shakespeare call ghost writers?
A. His sonnet committee.

Q. Who ran off before finishing the manuscript for, My Best Subject in School?
A. G. M. Class.

Have you read the book, Chekov: The Navigator? It's byy: I. Kiptin

Q. What is a Thesaurus' Favorite Dessert? A. Synonym Buns

Q. What did the author say when the novel was finally finished? A. "It's a long story."

Q. Which letter of the alphabet has a lot of water?
A. The C.

Q. Why did the Romanian guy stop reading for the day?
A. To give his Bucharest.

Q. Which writer penned the book,
Fade, Fading, Faded Away, before he ran out of ink?
A. Peter N. Outt.

Q. Why don't old copy editors ever die?
A. Because they just rewrite the text.

Q. Which hand is it better to write with?
A. Neither. It's best to write with a pen.

Q. Which author wrote the tasty tell-all book, Dogg is Waiting for Dinner?
A. Sal O. Vading.

Q. Which magical chef wrote the new cookbook, Voila French Cooking?
A. Sue F. Lay.

Q. What do you call the first draft of a cookbook?
A. A menuscript.

Literate Tip of the Day: Never judge a book by it's movie.

Q. What do a run-on sentence and a used pencil have in common?
A. A very dull point, if any.

Q. What do you call a guy who only writes for a short period?
A. A limited time author.

Q. What's the difference between a boring person and a boring book?
A. You can shut the boring book up.

Q. Which office temp wrote the surprise best seller, My Worst Monday Ever?
A. Helen Bach.

Writing Fact of the Day: A pencil is not as phallic as a pen is.

Q. Who wrote the romance novel,
My Magnificiant Motives?
A. Wanda F. Uhl.

If a poet ascends in an elevator, can you say the bard has been raised?

Best seller about trolls, by Ungnome Author

Q. What do planets like to read? A. Comet Books!

Q. When did the author plan to begin working on his new novel?
A. Write now!

Snooty British Chap: Don't you know the Queen's English?
Hot Blonde from Denver: Why yes, I've heard she is!

Q. What is the highest honor among Cowboy poets?
A. Poet lariat.

Q. What do you call authors who specialize in excessively ornate writing?
A. Purple pros.

Q. Which former Portlandian wrote Lousy Lumberjack while he was recovering in the hospital?
A. Tim Burr.

Q. What is the best reading material in the woods?
A. Poet-tree.

Too bad it wasn't written by the UnGnome Comic. That would have been funnier.

Q. What do you call it when an author writes completely perfect whodunits?
A. Mystery mastery.

Q. What did Noah Webster say when asked why he hadn't started his book yet?
A. I was meaning to.

Q. Where does the librarian nap during her break?
A. Between the covers.

Q. What is called when a beau keeps walking around his lady reciting odes to her?
A. Poetry in Motion.

Q. Who authored the new book, Allergic to the Common Cold, that really blows?
A. Ron E. Knoes.

Q. Why don't pens and pencils travel around?
A. Because they're stationery.

Q. Why do writers always feel cold?
A. 'Cause they're surrounded by so many drafts!

Q. Which author wrote the eye-opening and revealing tell-all book titled, Voyeurism Today?
A. A. P. Pingtom.

Q. What warning is included in the monk's new book, Religious Poetry Writing for Dummies?
A. Psalm assembly required.

Q. What is it called when you're nicer to people who look up facts in books?
A. Referential treatment.

Q. What happened when an amatuer poet took a stab at writing a novel?
A. He failed, 'cause novels are for pros.

Q. Which author wrote the new meteorology book, Cloudburst or Bust?
A. Wayne Droppz.

You've scanned down this far, so peruse even more novel humor,
noted grins, spineless jokes, and hack painful puns that have no sequel:

More Deft Painful Puns, Ace Groaner Jokes, and Apt Unanswered Riddles...

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