Q. How do you spell CANDY with only two letters?
A. C and Y.

Q. Which are the smartest letters of the alphabet?
A. Ys!

Letters Laugh of the Dear Algebra, Please stop trying to find your X. She's never coming back, and don't ask Y.

Travel Pick-Up Line: Hey there, are you from the UK? 'Cause I want U, K?

Q. What has ten letters and starts with GAS?
A. Automobile.

Teacher: What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
Student: G.
Teacher: And, why is that, Angus?

Q. Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday have in common?
A. None! None of them have a c, o, m, or n in them!

Q. Is there one word that uses all the vowels including Y?
A. Unquestionably!

Q. What is it called when a tornado rips off 1/4 off your roof?
A. Oof!

Q. Which letter of the alphabet is always patiently waiting in order?
A. The Q.

Q. Which bet can never be won?
A. The alpha-bet.

Son: What is a fireman's least favorite letter of the alphabet?
Dad: R, son.

Q. Which word begins with the letter F and ends in UCK?
A. FiretrUCK.

Q. What's in the center of Paris?
A. R.

Q. Why does Saturday stink?
A. 'Cause there's a turd in the middle of it!

Q. Why did the geography student drown?
A. His grades were below C level.

Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?
Student: H-I-K-L-M-N-O.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: Well, yesterday you said it was H to O.

Teacher: Simon, can you say your name backwards?
Simon: No Mis.

Q. How do you spell mousetrap?
A. C-A-T!

Q. Who won the fight between the spelling bee, a vitamin, and a bumblebee?
A. Vitamin B1.

Q. What flies around the Kindergarten classroom on Halloween?
A. The alpha-bat.

Q. What do you call a bear with no ear?
A. B.

Q. What is Little Larry's Pymp-O-Rama?
A. A few L station.

Q. What grades does a pirate typically get in school?
A. High Cs.

Q. What would you call France without the Mediterranean?
A. Frane.

Q. How many letters are in a great poet's name?
A. Just a couple of Wordsworth.

Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with the letter T.
Student: Today and tomorrow.

Q. How is winter black ice just like music?
A. If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

Q. Why was the student's report card all wet?
A. 'Cause it was below C-level.

Q. How did the students learn cursive writing?
A. They followed the teachers instructions, to the letter.

Q. What happens when you take the P out of the Pie?
A. i.e. Irate Pirate.

Middle School Teacher: What is Irony?
AP Student: Anything with the chemical symbol Fe.

Q. Which is the smartest state?
A. Alabama. 'Cause it has four As and a B.

Q. How is the letter O feeling now that it isn't sick any more?
A. It's glad to be up and around.

Q. Which word begins and ends with the same three letters?
A. Underground.

Q. A word in this sentence is misspelled. Which word is it?
A. Misspelled!

Q. What happened after the blonde ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles?
A. She had consonant vowel movements.

Q. Scientifically speaking, what is the longest way to spell water?
A. HIJKLMNO. (H2O)!

Q. Why couldn't the girl ever win a game of scrabble with her brother?
A. 'Cause he wooden letter.

Q. Which letter of the alphabet has a lot of water?
A. The C.

Q. What is a sleeping brain's favorite band?
A. REM.

Q. How does a sixth-grade teacher spell her three favorite words?
A. June, July, August.

Drinking Fact of the Day: You should limit your alcohol consumption to days that start with T: Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow.

Vintage Factoid of the Day: Wine is Win followed up with a little e. True story.

Drinking Fact of the Day: You should strictly limit your alcohol consumption to days that end in Y.

DNA Lab Pick Up Line: Hey girl, know why men are so much sexier than women? 'Cause you can't spell sexy without XY.

Wordsmith Tip of The Day: If you leave alphabet soup heating on the stove and forget, it could spell disaster!

Customer: There's a bee in my alphabet soup!
Waiter: Yes sir, there's also an A, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K...

Q. What did the gorilla learn at school?
A. The Ape B Cs.

Scientist Pick Up Line: Hey baby, know why Uranium is my favorite element? 'Cause I am in love with U.

Q. What did the chemist say when he escaped the police?
A. Cu later, Copper!

Chem Lab Gossip of the Day: Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg!

Scientist Pick Up Line: You must be a compound of beryllium and barium because you're a total BaBe!

Chemistry Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, are you made of Na, Selenium, and Xenon? 'Cause you are Sodium SeXe!

Chem Lab Pick-Up Line Point to Ponder: Does a chemist say "Be-Au-Ti Full" because "bery old tit" doesn't sound as sexy?

Q. What is a cucumber's favorite letter?
A. They always pick L!

Q. How can you remember the periodic table symbols for silver and gold?
A. If somebody tries to steal you silver, you say, "A G, I lost my silver." But if someone tries to take your gold you'd say, "A U, gimme back my gold!"

Scientist Pick Up Line: Hey baby, are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? 'Cause you are F I Ne.

Q. What kind of fish is made of two sodium atoms?
A. 2 Na.

Q. Why should you never ask a chemist for a PB and J sandwich?
A. 'Cause you'll get lead poisoning.

Chemistry Pick Up Line: Hey baby, are you made of Nickel, Cerium, arsenic and Sulfur? 'Cause you've got a NiCe AsS.

Q. What is in the middle of every dinosaur?
A. The letter S.

Q. What do you get when you combine sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A. SWAG!

Q. Oxygen had a second date with potassium. How did it go?
A. It went OK2!

Q. What is it called when a crow is cut in half by a wind turbine?
A. OW!

Q. How many letters are in the angelic Christmas alphabet?
A. Only 25. It has no 'ELL.

Q. What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NO L!

Q. What is the difference between a flying pig and a politician?
A. The letter F.

Q. What do you call a hint that sounds the same as another hint, but is spelled a bit differently?
A. An homonymous tip.

Q. Is it so hard to find a good chemistry pun?
A. Well, the best are Argon, so Na.

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