I tried looking for gold, but it didn't pan out.   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. Why did the
miner ask
a diamond out
to dinner?

A. He was into
carbon dating.

Wookie says: I came across two talking stones while hiking in Colorado! One was big, but shy. The other was a little Boulder!

Q. Why was
the Colorado geologist
napping on
the job?

A. 'Cause he
was stoned.


 

 


Geology Jokes, Gold Mining Humor, Nugget Puns
Dig into rich prospector puns, golden humor, lodes of laughs and ore-iginal mine shaft jokes.

Miner Jokes, Geologist Puns, Rocky Humor
(Because Geology Jokes, Minerology Humor, and Prospecting Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream or Underground!)
Warning: Hard Hat Required! Golden moment jokes, minor miner humor, vein laughs and strata-fying puns ahead.
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Q. What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A. A Flat Miner!
 
Did you hear about the safety-concious coal company? They agreeed to make some miner changes!
 
Did you hear about the recluse who extracted gold without any hel? He liked to mine his own business!

Q. Why is dating so hard for mining explosives engineers?
A. Because they're overly flattering.

Q. Which musician do miners like best?
A. Coltrane.

Did you hear that geological scientists have invented a new kind of elastic made out of stone? Surely this new rock band will make it big!

Q. Where do American miners never go to vacation?
A. Ore-gone.

Q. Why do hipsters dig mine shafts in the Colorado Rockies?
A. Because they're so far underground!

Q. Why did the chemist at Colorado School of Mines coat his shoes with silicone rubber?
A. Because he wanted to reduce his carbon footprint.

Q. What kind of music should you listen to while visiting Basalt, Colorado?
A. Classic Rock.

Q. Why did the guy quit his position at the oil exploration company?
A. The job was a real bore.

Q. How profitable was the new company that drills for water, oil, and gas?
A. They were doing well.

Q. Why did the geologist's wife leave him?
A. He took her for granite.

Q. What did the gold miner say when he started a new job?
A. I hope it pans out.

Q. What does the geologist in Granite, Colorado call his wife's bra?
A. An over-the-shoulder boulder holder.

Q. What happened when engineers examined the wall in the new gold mine?
A. the confirmed it was lode bearing.

Q. What is it called if you drink Jack Daniels inside a mine shaft?
A. A shot in the dark.

Q. What kind of music should you play while visiting Gypsum, Colorado?
A. Light Rock.

Q. Why does a Mars rock taste better than an Earth rock? A. It's a little meteor!
 
I used to be a road digger, but I got retrenched.
 
Hulk Says: When I asked my girl if she wanted a ring made of silver or gold, she said either ore!

Q. Which trendy coffee drink includes minuscule bits of flaky, transparent minerals?
A. Mica mocha.

Scientists in Colorado have been studying the effects of cannabis on geologists. They've left no stoned unturned.

Q. What do mining engineers call it when a group of miners all fart at the same time?
A. An excess stench hole crisis.

Geologist Hookup Line: Hey girl, why don't we go out tonight? You can examine my hardness while I test your cleavage.

Q. Why are miners the ultimate hipsters?
A. They love working deep underground.

Q. How do you confuse a miner?
A. Hand him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.

Q. What is it called when miners probe an ore deposit they discovered?
A. Searching in vein.

Q. How did the old gold miner die?
A. He was bored to death.

Geologist Hookup Line: Hey girl, if you go out with me, I promise I won't take you for granite.

Q. Do old geologists in Colorado ever die?
A. No, they just get stoned.

Q. How did the miner's girlfriend break up with him?
A. She gave him the shaft!

Q. Which kind of gold is afraid of spiders?
A. A Chicken Nugget.

Q. What happened when Gold walked into the bar?
A. The bartender yelled, "AU, get out!"

Q. Which mining engineer wrote the book, My Lucrative Mining Days?
A. Rich Goldman.

Q. Why do hipsters dig exploring old gold mines near Central City, Colorado?
A. Because they're so far underground!

Q. Why are pirates leary of olcanoes? A. Because of the pirate-clastic flows!
 
Scary Pick-Up Line: Hey Gnirl, I Dig You!
 
Q. Why did the volcano explode? A. It couldn't find a lava-tory!

Q. Why was the volcanlogist fired from the team of geolgists?
A. Because he was prone to blowing his lid, losing his cool, and bursting into eruptive arguements.

Q. What happens if you drop a lava rock on your foot?
A. You Krakatoa. OUCH!

Q. How do you know a volcano is happy?
A. It erupts in laughter.

Q. Which classical dessert comes out of a musical volcano?
A. Bach lava.

Q. Why did the bird lose all its feathers after the volcano eruption?
A. 'Cause it was molten.

Q. How can you remember the periodic table symbols for silver and gold?
A. If somebody tries to steal you silver, you say, "A G, I lost my silver." But if someone tries to take your gold you'd say, "A U, gimme back my gold!"

Q. How did the preciouus metals company fire the miner?
A. They gave him the shaft.

Mineralologist Pick Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Halite? 'Cause you have perfect cleavage.

Q. What kind music should you listen to in a rockslide delay on I70 between Georgetown and Bakerville, Colorado?
A. Rolling Stones!

Q. What did the insurance company tell the guy who wanted a policy in case of a volcanic eruption?
A. I ash-ure you'll be covered.

Q. What do volcanologists call the jerk who fell into the cone after its top blew off?
A. An ash-hole.

Scientists believe that the Yellowstone super volcano is overdue for an eruption, and they're calling it Eruptile Dysfunction.

Q. What does the volcanologist ask people to do on his outgoing voicemail recording?
A. Lava message.

Q. Why doesn't an active volcano have any money?
A. 'Cause it went bank erupt.

Green ET Says: Let's zoom in on where that meteor struck. I'd like to observe it in crater detail!
 
Did you hear about the guy who just stepped in quicksand? Te urgency of the situation hadn't sunk in!
 
Q. Why isn't there money at the end of a rainbow? A. A leprechaun took it and sold it to Cash4Gold!

Q. What is the famous catchphrase used by asteroid miners?
A. Live long and prospect.

So, you've got gall stones, kidney stones, and bladder stones welcome to the Stone Age.

Q. How did the old rock hound die?
A. Wood-n't you know it? He just slowly petrified.

Gemologist Pick Up Line: Hey girl, I must be a diamond because you just gave me a hardness of 10 on the Mohs Scale.

Q. Why do they call it quicksand?
A. Because when you're stuck in it, your whole life flashes in front of you – really fast!

Q. Can you pull yourself out of quicksand?
A. Sometimes... Glub, glub, glub... and sometimes NO.

Geologist Pick Up Line: Hey girl, are you hydrochloric acid? 'Cause you're making my limestone fizz.

Q. What do you get when you cross an active volcano with a light bulb?
A. A lava lamp.

Q. What is a gold miner's favorite NBA team?
A. Denver Nuggets.

Q. Why do misers like autumn so much?
A. The winds of change are raining coins of copper gold and silver.

Q. Why did the gold mner decide to quit his job?
A. He felt he was given the shaft.

Q. What do geolgical scientists call a clown that's in jail?
A. Silicon.

Old steel workers never die, but they do lose their temper.

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