Q. How did the music teacher get locked in his classroom?
A. His keys were inside the piano!

Q. What do you call a music teacher with problems?
A. A trebled man.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because he had perfect pitch!

Q. Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A. To reach the high notes.

Q. How was the sign language teacher's day going?
A. With so many students, she had her hands full.

Q. Why did the school teacher have to wear sunglasses during class?
A. Her students were SO bright!

Q. When is an English teacher like a judge?
A. When she hands out long sentences.

Academic Point to Ponder: If they had an intensive summer program to help kids with ADHD, would they call it a concentration camp?

Q. What are a sixth-grade teacher's three favorite words?
A. June, July, August.

Q. Why did the third-grade teacher marry the school janitor?
A. Because he swept her off her feet.

Q. Why did the teacher write on the windows?
A. Because he wanted to be perfectly clear!

Teacher: Simon, can you say your name backwards?
Simon: No Mis.

Q. Why did the broom always get bad grades in school?
A. It was always sweeping in class.

Q. Why did the stressed out teacher close his eyes?
A. Because then there are no pupils to see.

Q. Why was the teacher fired?
A. She had no class and had lost her faculties.

Q. What is a school teacher's favorite nation?
A. Expla-Nation!

Q. Why did the new kid run out of the classroom with a chair?
A. 'Cause the teacher said to take a seat.

Teacher: What is the most powerful city state?
Student: Electricity.

Q. What do you say to comfort a true grammarian?
A. There, Their, They're...

Academic Point to Ponder: Teachers always tell us to follow our dreams... Yet, they don't let us sleep in class?

Q. What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says, "Spit out the gum," but the train says, "Choo Chew!"

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I am paying as little attention as I can!

Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?
Student: H-I-K-L-M-N-O.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: Well, yesterday you said it was H to O.

Teacher: What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
Student: G.
Teacher: And, why is that, Angus?

Teacher: What is a forum?
Student: Two-um plus two-um.

Q. Why did the student teacher jump into the pool?
A. To test the waters!

Q. Why did the historian quit her job at the museum?
A. She just didn't see a future in it.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to the confused class?
A. Please look at the board, and I'll go through it again.

Q. What did glue say to the art teacher?
A. I'm stuck on you.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests.

Q. Why did the cyclops quit his job as a teacher?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Bad Day for a School Teacher: When you hit a speed bump in a school zone, and realize there are no speed bumps there.

Q. What do you call a teacher who just loves writing on blackboards?
A. A chalk-aholic.

Q. What is the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
A. Getting lost on a field trip.

Q. Why did the teacher have to turn the lights on in the classroom?
A. Because the students were so dim.

Q. What is grammar?
A. The difference between knowing your crap, and knowing you're crap.

Q. What did the history teacher call the really peculiar Russian despot?
A. A bizarre czar.

Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with the letter T.
Student: Today and tomorrow.

Science Teacher: Class, who can tell me what an atom is?
Student: The guy who went out with Eve?

Q. What happened to a plant during math class?
A. It grew square roots!

Q. Why did the teacher send the chicken to the principal's office?
A. For using fowl language.

Q. How did the old geometry teacher die?
A. He went off on a tangent.

Q. Which kind of private teacher always passes gas?
A. A tutor.

Teacher: You've got your shoes on the wrong feet.
Student: How can that be? These are the only feet I have?

Q. What did the pencil shapener say to the pencil?
A. Stop going around in circles, and just get to the point!

Humorous Teacher: What gets whiter, the dirtier it gets?
AP Student: A chalkboard.

Educational Trivia of the Day: Teaching history is old news.

Academic Point to Ponder: If teachers are so smart, why are they still in school?

Teacher: Why is your homework in your father's handwriting?
Student: Because I used his pen.

Teacher: I've had to send you to the principal's office every day this week. What do you have to say about that?
Student: I am so glad it's finally Friday.

Q. What happened when the old teacher died?
A. She wiped the slate clean.

Q. Why did the kid eat his homework?
A. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. What happened when the Easter Bunny was naughty at school?
A. He was eggs-spelled.

Teacher: If chicken gives you lean meat and a pig gives you bacon, what does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework.

Old deans never die. They just lose their faculties.

Teacher: What do you get if you cross one principle with another principle?
Student: Wow, I would never do that because principals don't like to be crossed!

Teacher: Which month has 28 days?
Student: All of them!

Teacher: How many seconds are there in one year?
Student: 12. January 2, February 2, March 2...

Old schools never die. They just lose their principals. .

Q. Do old teachers ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their class.

Q. Why did the student's grades go down after the holidays?
A. Because everything was marked down!

Q. What is another name for Santa's elves?
A. Subordinate clauses.

Teacher: We will only have a half day of school this morning.
Whole Class: Hooray!!!
Teacher: We'll have the second half this afternoon.

Student: Have you ever had synonym pie?
Teacher: No, but I've had something similar to it.

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