Q. Why should students never say "288" at school?
A. Because that's two gross!

Dear Algebra, Please stop trying to find your X. She's never coming back, and don't ask Y.

Q. How do you know acorns like math?
A. Because when the grow up, they say, "Gee, I'm a tree."

Q. What do you get if you cross an arithmetic teacher and a clock?
A. Mathema-ticks.

Q. What did the family reunion of first positive numbers feature?
A. Loved ones.

Q. Which geometry figure is like a lost bird?
A. Polygon.

Q. What did the algebra book say to the arithmetic book?
A. So, you think you've got problems!

Q. How do you stay warm in an empty room?
A. Go into the corner where it is always 90 degrees.

Q. What did 0 say to 8?
A. Nice belt!

Q. What is a caterpillar's favorite subject in school?
A. Moth-ematics.

Q. Where do math teachers like to go on vacation?
A. Times Square.

Old mathematicians never die. They just go off on a tangent.

Q. Why are students so tired after doing arithmetic problems?
A. Because they had to carry a lot of numbers.

Q. How did the OCD math geek make seven even?
A. He took away the S.

Q. What does a math geek call an empty parrot cage?
A. Polygon.

Q. Why is it so dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. 'Cause when you add 4 and 4, you get ate!

Q. What did the zeroes do when they got tougher?
A. Nothing much.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

Q. Why did the 30-60-90 degree triangle marry the 45-45-90 degree triangle?
A. Because they were so right for each other.

Q. Why aren't 4s friends with 5s?
A. Cause they're odd.

Q. What do math teachers eat for dinner?
A. Square meals.

Q. Why did the two 4s skip lunch?
A. 'Cause they already 8!

Q. What did the math professor's parrot say when he wasn't hungry?
A. Poly-No-Meal.

Old number theorists never die. They just get past their prime.

I made the mistake of hiring an odd-job guy to do eight jobs. At the end of the day, he'd only done 1, 3, 5 and 7...

Q. Why didn't the ancient Romans find algebra very challenging?
A. Because X is always 10.

Q. Why did the algebra book go to a psychiatrist?
A. Because it had so many complex problems.

Q. What was a T-Rex's favorite number?
A. 8!

Q. How is the zero feeling now that it isn't sick any more?
A. It was glad to be up and around.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two. An inside and an outside.

Q. How can you tell if a mathematician is extroverted?
A. When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q. What does a math teacher call numbers that just can't sit still?
A. Roamin' Numerals.

Q. What did the abacus say to the calculator?
A. You can count on me.

Q. Which species of snakes are the best at math?
A. Adders.

Q. What happened when a new abacus came out?
A. People were ready to add at it.

Q. What did the square ask the circle?
A. Been around long?

Math Geek Pick-Up Line: Are you a dyslexic angel, 'cause you looking la-right to me.

Q. How is 3+3=9 like your left foot?
A. It's not right!

Q. Why was the obtuse angle always so frustrated?
A. Because it was never right.

Q. What did the triangle say to the circle?
A. You're pointless.

Q. What is the weather forecast when a right angle goes swimming?
A. 90º.

Q. What did the math textbook say to the history book?
A. You know, you can always count on me.

Q. How do ranchers in Wyoming do math?
A. They use cow-culators.

Q. How do cows do arithmetic?
A. They add one to an udder.

Q. What do you call dudes who really love math?
A. Algebros.

Q. What does a mallard use to do math?
A. A quack-ulator.

Q. Why wasn't the geometry teacher at school?
A. Because she sprained her angle.

Q. What did the math circle say to te rectangle?
A. Dude, you're such a square!

Q. Why don't they ever serve beer at a math geek party?
A. 'Cause you can't drink and derive.

Q. How does a math professor propose to his girlfriend?
A. With a polynomial ring!

Q. Why did the student wear glasses in math class?
A. Because that helps in da-vision.

Q. What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a tree?
A. Arithme-sticks.

Q. Which part of a math savant's body helps him solve problems?
A. His Add-ems Apple.

I just saw my math teacher with some graph paper. I think he may be plotting something...

Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication problems on the floor?
Student: Because you said to do them without using tables.

Q. Which tables don't math students need to study?
A. Dinner tables.

Q. Why is glue so bad at math?
A. 'Cause it always gets stuck on the problems.

Q. Why shouldn't you take a math test on a safari?
A. Too many cheetahs.

Q. Why do plants hate math?
A. Because it gives them square roots.

Old never mathematicians never die. They just disintegrate.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. 'Cause they use pi-lots.

Q. What is a math teacher's favorite dessert?
A. Pi.

Q. What is the most popular dessert of math teachers in Georgia?
A. Peach Pi.

My girlfriend is the square root of -100. She's a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.

Q. Why was the warlock so bad at math?
A. He never knew witch equation to use.

Q. Which number gets bigger if you turn it upside down?
A. 6.

Q. Which USA state has the most arithmetic teachers?
A. Math-achussets.

Old mathematicians never die. They just lose some functions.

Q. Why was the math book always so worried?
A. Because it had so many problems.

Q. Why did the square and the triangle go to the gym?
A. To get in shape.

Q. What does a geometry teacher call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A Wreck-tangle!

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. 'Cause 7 ate 9!

Q. Where do kids in New York City learn the multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Trivial Math Thought of the Day: Decimals do have a point.

Q. What is a math teacher's favorite season of the year?
A. Summer.

An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.

Q. How do you know your math tutor is hungry?
A. She'll work for pi.

Q. What does a math geek have for dessert on Thanksgiving?
A. Pumpkin Pi.

Math Teacher: Pi R Squared.
Student: False. Pie are round. Brownies are square:

Q. Who came up with King Arthur's Round Table?
A. Sir Cumference.

Q. Why does a right triangle run the air conditioner so much?
A. Because it's always 90º!

Delicious Math Problem of the Day: If nothing is better than life, and if a ham sandwich is better than nothing, does that mean a ham sandwich is worth dying for?

Math Geek Tip of the Day: Sharp pick-up lines help you get an angle on the dating scene.

Q. Are monsters good at math?
A. No, unless you Count Dracula!

Dear Math, I am not a therapist. Solve your own problems!

Q. Do you know a statistics joke?
A. Yes, but it's mean.

Q. Where do multiplication problems eat at a diner?
A. At times tables.

Q. Which kind of pet bird does a mathematician own?
A. A Poly-nomial.

Q. What do inches follow?
A. Their ruler.

One caveman drew a circular form on the cave wall. His mate asked what it was. The caveman replied, "O, nothing."

Q. Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
A. Because they don't believe in a higher power.

Math Teacher: How do you make one vanish?
Student: Just add a G to its beginning.

Statistician: Have you heard the latest statistics joke?
Coworker: Probably.

Q. Where do math teachers celebrate on New Year's Eve?
A. Times Square.

Q. What happened when a plant decided to take a math class?
A. It grew square roots.

Boss: Your math scores are average:
Employee: Sir, that's just mean.

Q. What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A. A large pizza can feed a family of four.

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