I tried looking for gold, but it didn't pan out.   PainfulPuns.com - Job Jokes, Funny Occupations, Work Whoas?

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I used to work at Starbucks, but I got tired of the daily grind.
I used to be a shoe salesman, but they gave me the boot.
I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patience.

A butcher tried standup comedy, but he didn't make the cut.
I used to be a road digger, but I got retrenched.
Q. What do you call somebody who finds jobs for cabbage? A. A head hunter!

Crappy Pun: Old Sewage Workers Never Die, They Just Waste Away.


It's A Job Jokes, Work Rut Puns, Job Hopping Humor
Hire on for stressful work puns, low wage LOLs, dangerous work humor and it's a paycheck jokes.

Crappy Job Jokes and Painfully Employed Puns
(Because Last Job Jokes and Occupational Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Between Crap Jobs!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Career change jokes, menial job humor, and hazardous occupation puns ahead.
| Crappy Job Jokes I I Quit! Shove This Job Jokes | You're Fired Jokes, Canned LOLs | Boss Jokes |
| Accountant Jokes | Baker | Butcher | Chef | Comedian | Dancer | Doctor Jokes | Farmer |
| Mime LOLs | Miner | Plumber Puns | Salesman | Tech Support | Tailor Jokes | Waiter Jokes |

Chef Pun: Got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
I used to be a Velcro salesman, but I could not stick with it.
I used to be a tailor, but I found the work to be so-so.

Q. Why did the fisherman finally quit his stinking job?
A. Because he just couldn't live on the net income.

Q. When is it bad business to be reaching higher?
A. When you're a bank teller in a hold-up!

Q. Why did the bank teller decide to change careers?
A. Because he lost interest.

Q. Why did the headhunter want to hire a chicken?
A. Because she'd accept a poultry salary.

Q. Why did the farmhand quit his job?
A. His celery wasn’t high enough.

Q. Why was the rogue ex baker such a desperate thief?
A. Because he really kneaded the dough!

Q. What should a masseur do when he’s paid for the job up front?
A. Take the money and rub!

Q. Why is it tough to be employed as a photographer?
A. You have to deal with a lot of crop on the job!

Q. How did the tree surgeon break his arm on the job?
A. He fell off a patient!

Q. What do you call a tractor-trailer driver who does okay for himself?
A. Semi successful.

Q. Why was the farmer so stressed out?
A. He had a high thresher job!

Q. Which salesman has the slickest line?
A. The STP rep.

Q. Why did the devoted mechanic close his repair shop?
A. He recently fell from grease.

Q. Which type of salesman has the slickest line?
A. A car salesman with greasy hair.

Q. What happened after one office worker began wearing professional business attire to work?
A. Everybody else followed suit.

Q. What did the tailor say after his fussy client fired him?
A. Okay, suit yourself.

Q. Why did the trouser tailor change careers to become a lawyer?
A. So he could sew their butts.

Q. What does a tailor do when a guy says his pants are too long?
A. He cuts him some slacks.

Q. How did the newly unemployed tailor-turned-plumber die?
A. He comitted sewer-cide.

Q. Why did the tailor decide to change carrers after his latest job at the tuxedo rental boutique?
A. Because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating, flatly de-pressing and just didn't suit him.

Q. What is the best way to get a job at a dentist office? A. Word of mouth!
Q. What did a vampire say when he hired an apprentice? A. We could use some new blood around here!
Zombie Humor: I tried working in a bakery, but I wasn't bread for it.

Worst Work Project of the Day: Working from home is a great thing, unless you're a fireman!

Q. Why is it hard to hire lightning to do the job?
A. 'Cause it's always on strike.

Job Promotion Tip of the Day: To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential!

Q. What happened after the CEO was arrested for voyeurism?
A. The company's stalk went down.

Q. Why did the historian complain about his current job?
A. Because there was no future in it.

Q. Why didn't the vampire take the job at the mirror factory?
A. He just couldn't see himself there.

Q. How do vampires recharge at work during mid-afternoon?
A. They take a coffin break.

Q. What do you call an employee involved in a grand opening?
A. A piano tuner.

Q. Why did the archaeologist have to declare bankruptcy?
A. Because his career was in ruins.

Q. Why did the deli owner fail at stand-up comedy?
A. Because he always painfully managed to butcher the punch lines.

Q. Why don't people like working at a bakery?
A. Because it's a crumby place to work.

Q. Why was the baker reprimanded at work again?
A. He kept pinching the salt.

Q. Why was the baker in a panic at work?
A. Because he was in a loaf or death situation.

Q. What happened when the pastry chef's wife came home from work early?
A. She caught him master baking.

Q. Why did the hard-working baker get tossed in the county jail?
A. He was caught beating an egg.

I used to be a butler, but decided that wasn't my cup of tea.
Poor guy who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered!
I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.

Q. Why did the can crusher hate his crappy job?
A. Because it was just soda pressing.

Job Hopping Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the lawyer who loves to cook? Now he's a sue chef!

Q. What do ristorante chefs call an Italian hooker on the job?
A. A pasta-tute.

Q. How did the crappy boss confuse the new miner employee?
A. Hh handed him two shovels and told him to take his pick.

Q. What did the gold miner say when he started another new job?
A. I hope it pans out this time.

Q. What do you call it when you have a high-paying job, but you get injured all the time?
A. Painfully employed.

Q. Why did the upholsterer get fired from his boring job at the furniture factory?
A. Because he couldn't chair less.

Today's Crappy Job Joke: Workers in the upholstery factory demanded a wage hike to cushion the rising cost of living.

Q. How do you describe the chaos caused when a locksmith really goofs up on the job?
A. A Key-Lamity!

Q. What does the boss call a logger who can't wake up on time?
A. A Slumberjack.

Q. Why was the computer tech so tired when he got home from work every day?
A. He had a hard drive.

Q. What do you get if you cross a programmer and a lifeguard into one job position?
A. A screensaver!

Q. Why did the computer spy quit his crappy chosen career?
A. He just couldn't hack it anymore.

Q. What's the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesman?
A. The used car guy knows he's lying.

Q. Why did the fur trapper finally quit his un-PC job?
A. He hit a snare.

Groaner Joke: I Used To Be A Tap Dancer, Until I Fell Into the Sink!
Sh*tty Pun: I used to be a sanitation engineer, but the city dumped me.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but then it folded.

Q. What did the ballet dancer say when she lost her shoes right before the performance with her crappy cast members
A. Oui, this is pointeless.

Q. Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
A. Because every play has a cast!

Q. What is one of the job hazards of being a musician in a piano bar?
A. People keep dropping money in your drink.

Q. What do you call an unhappily employed music teacher with problems?
A. A trebled man.

Q. What did the magician's assistant say after the evening's festivities?
A. Thanks for halving me.

Q. Why did the starving artist need a laxative while whorking on a comissioned piece?
A. Because he was consti-painted.

Q. How will a crappy bank teller help you if you want to draw money?
A. He'll hand you a pen.

Today's Crappy Job Pun: Burned out mail carriers never die. They just lose their zip.

Q. What is the one thing you'll never see a plumber do on the job?
A. Bite his nails!

Q. Why did the plumber always fall asleep on the job?
A. Because he work was so draining.

Crappy Job Joke of the Day: Plumbing is the only profession where you'll hear the boss say, "Be sure your joints have lots of dope in them."

Q. How do you describe a jocular sewage joker on the job?
A. Pun Gent!

Q. Why do bullets make the best employees?
A. After being fired, they still get the job done.

In a recession, the most secure job is garbage collector because business is always picking up!

Q. Why don't garbage men need any formal job training?
A. Because they just pick it up as they go.

Q. Why do garbage men enjoy painful puns?
A. Because they enjoy trashy job jokes.

Q. Why was the inaccurate psychic surprised when she lost her job?
A. She just didn't see that coming.

Hazardous Job Joke of the Week: Did you hear about the two weathermen who both broke an arm and a leg in a storm-chasing accident? They called in from the hospital about the four casts!

Q. What happened when the employee was unexpectedly transferred to the London office?
A. He had to get a move on.

Q. Why did the guy bail out of the hot air balloon business?
A. Because it never really took off.

Job Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job?
Job Applicant: The company relocated and didn't tell me where...

Q. Why did the foreman say to the carpenter who was shirking his work?
A. Quit plane around!

Q. Why did the barber shop send the employees home, and close at 2 p.m.?
A. Because work was cut short today.

I used to be a nun, but I was expelled due to dirty habits.
A baker stopped making donuts because he got tired of the hole thing!
Orthopedist claims working with fractures isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Q. What do you call a hard-working nun who's also an attorney?
A. A sister-in-law.

Q. What do you call the guy whose ob position is directly under the sisters in the parish?
A. Second to nun.

Q. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hard-working hot dog vendor?
A. Make me one with everything.

Q. Which crappy award did the blonde hair stylist get?
A. Home-Combing Queen.

Q. Why won't they let artists join the army?
A. Because they have a tendency to draw enemy fire.

Q. What did the work crew get when when a piano fell down the mine shaft?
A. A Flat Minor.

Q. Why couldn't the chef get into the Italian restaurant to do his job?
A. He had gnocchi.

Q. What does a baker say when he has messed up at work?
A. So sorry, I bread your pardon!

Job Turnover Laugh of the Day: Did you hear about the chef who had mushroom for improvement? He was a fungi, but of questionable morel character.

Q. Do old comedian butchers ever die on the job?
A. No, they just go on cutting up.

Today's Long Work Day Laugh: Did you know that farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, turnip the covers and endive into bed?

Poor Pay Groan of the Season: Grain farmers have a tough life. They barley survive wheat to wheat.

Q. What does an Egyptian archaeologist do if he gets a back ache on the job?
A. They see a Cairo-practor.

Q. What is it called when orthopedic surgeons lose their medical licenses?
A. Unorthodocs.

Q. Which food-born illness do podiatrists dread dealing with the most on the job?
A. Toe Main Poisoning.

Q. What does your auto mechanic do when he stubs his big toe while on the job?
A. He calls a big tow truck.

A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling jokes. The bone doc's jokes were humerus, but the eye doc's puns were cornea!

It's clear to see that opticians are not just in it for the frame and fortune!

See, Opticians are not just in it because they have specs appeal!

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