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A chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances. The police suspect fowl play!
Q. Why did the cops go to the baseball game? A. they heard somebody was stealing bases!
Barely legal police pick-up line: I'm here to arrest you due to complaints that you're too sexy!

 


Police Jokes, Cop Humor, Organized Crime Puns
Cop a few funny undercover laughs, serve and protect puns, humor busts, and jail jokes.

Policeman Puns, Jail Jokes, Copper Humor
(Because Cop Comedy and Stolen Laughs Are Never TOO Mainstream Until You've Seen Your Mugshot Photo!)
Warning: Proceed at the Speed Limit! Highway patrolman humor, hot LOLs, police jokes and crime-y puns ahead.
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |

Q. Why did the police ticket the ghost on Halloween? A. It didn't have a haunting license!Q. What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf who escaped from prison? A. A small medium at large!Arresting Banana Humor: What do you call california banana motorcycle cops? A. Banana Chips!

Q. What did Dracula say to the cop that pulled him over near the highway?
A. I was just looking for the main artery.

Q. Why did a cop pull the vampire over?
A. He was a suspect in a blood bank robbery.

Q. What does the NYPD dentist do the day after Halloween?
A. A cavity search?

Q. Who is the strongest thief?
A. The shoplifter.

Today's horoscope said: "You're going places today and you can't be stopped!" Yeah right, tell that to the cop that just pulled me over...

Q. What do you call a flying policeman?
A. A helicopter.

Q. What is the difference between a thief and a church bell?
A. One steals from the people, and the other peals from the steeple.

Old detectives never die. They just go under cover.

Q. Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail?
A. Silly Con Valley.

Q. Why was the police detectives hanging out at the beach?
A. Because they were expecting a crime wave.

Q. Why did the blanket salesman join the police force?
A. Because he liked working under cover.

Q. What did a probation officer say after his client failed a piss test? A. You dipstick!Q. what do you call an officer with bugs? A. Po-Lice!You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right. We don't. Sign here!

Q. What is the plumbing in the bathroom at the police station made of?
A. Copper.

Q. Why did the septic tank technician become a crime reporter?
A. He was used to digging up a lot of sh*t.

Police Pick-Up Line: Your family must have been in organized crime, because I've already cracked you.

Q. Which hired killer never gets a prison sentence?
A. An exterminator!

Q. What do you get if you cross a gangster and a garbage man?
A. Organized grime.

Policewoman Pick-Up Line: Are you carrying a concealed weapon, or are you just happy to see me?

Q. What did the cop say after a woman reported her wig was stolen?
A. Yes Maam, we'll comb the area.

Q. How is attending to the Policeman's Balls like going to a bait shop?
A. There is an abundance of worms, maggots, nightcrawlers, and suckers.

Police Pick-Up Line: Babe, you have the right to remain silent, but I doubt you will.

Q. Why did a guy have his girlfriend arrested on Valentine's Day? A. She stole his heart!When I came out of te gym, a cop asked me where I got that body. I said, "I don't know, I just opened the trunk and whe was there!"Barely legal police pick-up line: Ever seen a baton this big? How about you cock my gun?

Q. Why did the cops arrest the chef?
A. They accused him of beating the eggs.

Q. How is Facebook like jail?
A. You have a profile picture, you sit around writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't know.

Q. Why did the cops arrest a fellow pig?
A. Because he was an infamous hamburglar.

Incredible Trivia: The police label anyone who attacks The Hulk as 45-11, a suicide. OUCH!

A peep hole has appeared in the ladies locker room at the gym. Police investigators are looking into it.

Q. What happened after the drug company lab was broken into by two guys who only stole Viagra?
A. Cops put out an APB for two hardened criminals.

Officer: Do you know why I stopped you?
Blonde: Because I didn't pull out of the donut shop too fast?

Q. Why did the helium balloon vendor enroll at the police academy?
A. Because he enjoyed a good bust.

Q. Why did the she-riff arrest the bass guitar player?
A. For fingering A Minor.

Barely legal police pick-up line: Stop! Don't you know it's illegal to look that fine?Q. Why did the picture go to jail? A. It was framed!They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted!

Q. Why did the clock stop by police headquarters?
A. To pay off all its tick-ets.

Q. Why did the book police visit the courthouse?
A. Because all the sentences there were way too long.

Q. Why did the space police arrest the star?
A. 'Cause it was a shooting star.

Q. Why did the sculptor join the police department?
A. He was really good at busts.

Q. What did the burglar say to the woman who caught him stealing her silver?
A. I am at your service, ma'am.

Q. What happened when the semi truck full of toilet paper crashed on the Interstate?
A. Police did not ticket the driver, saying he had a bum steer.

Judge: Why did you steal that bird?
Defendant: It was just a lark.

Judge: Have you anything to offer this court before I pass sentence?
Defendant: No Your Honor, my lawyer took every penny.

Cop: Sir, your eyes are red. Have you been smoking weed?
Motorist: Your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?

| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |
| Job Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actor Jokes |
| Artist Puns | Astronaut Puns | Athlete | Author Puns | Auto Mechanic | Baker Jokes | Banker |
| Barber Jokes | Bartender Jokes | Chef Jokes | Chemist Jokes | Cowboy Jokes | Dentist Jokes |
| Doctor Jokes | Electrician Jokes | Eye Doc Puns | Farmer | Gardener Puns | Home Contractor |
| Landlord | Locksmith Puns | Magician | Musician | Optician Jokes | Physicist Jokes | Plumber |
| Psychiatrist Jokes | Psychic Jokes | Scientist Jokes | Teacher | Tech Support | Weatherman |

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