Q. What did the judge say when a skunk walked in to testify? A. Odor in the Court!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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The conversation between prison inmates was made possible due to sentences!
Hulking Funny: What do you get if you pour cement on a burglar? A Hardened Criminal
Q. What did the head chef say when the rookie burned the dessert? A. Is that a crime brulee?
Q. What did a probation officer say after his client failed a piss test? A. You dipstick!
Q. If two potheads are in the back of a car, then who is driving? A. The Cop!
Pistol to Sun: Happy Gun Day?
Q. Why was the police officer sleepig on the job? A. He was under cover!

 


Criminal Jokes, Arresting Humor, Outlawed Puns
Cop some arresting laughs, jail inmate humor, prisoner puns, and barely legal jailhouse jokes.

Barely Legal Jokes, Crime Puns, Illegal Laughs
(Because Slammer Jokes and Convict Comedy Could Never Be TOO Mainstream in the Police Puns Jail!)
Warning: Crime Wave in Progress! Suspect humor, inmate jokes, criminal laughs and prison puns ahead.
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Police Jokes and Arresting Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |

What happens if you start an illegal fire using flint? You get a sparking ticket!Q. Why did the robber take a bath? A. He wanted to make a clean getaway!Q. Why was the musician arrested? A. He was in treble!

Q. What is a prisoner's favorite battery?
A. Duracell!

Q. Why would a guy in jail want to catch the Measles?
A. So he could cause a break out.

Q. What happened to the thief who stole credit card numbers and used them to make purchases?
A. The judge found guilty as charged.

Criminal Pick-Up Line: You're just as beautiful as your mugshot photo.

Police report that there have been a lot of thefts at the local bowling alley and warn that the criminals are likely to strike again.

Q. What do you get if you cross a burglar and purple flowers?
A. Robbery with violets.

Q. Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence?
A. A convict.

Criminal Laugh of the Day: If a thief is craving small chocolates, would he just steal some Kisses?

Criminal Pick-Up Line: I'm a thief, so I'm here to steal your heart.

Q. Why did the police arrest the guy who was playing pool?
A. He was picking pockets.

Q. What do you call a famous inmate?
A. A Cell-ibrity.

Q. What is a convict's favorite fishing lure?
A. Jail bait.

Q. Why was the criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
A. 'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.

Criminal Pick-Up Line: Is your father a drug dealer? 'Cause you sure are dope.

Q. What happened after the drug company lab was broken into by two guys who only stole Viagra?
A. Cops put out an APB for two hardened criminals.

Q. What is a criminal's favorite day of the week? Free Day!Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes thiings personally!Q. What was the len's excuse to the policeman? A. Officer, I've been framed!

Q. Which type of adhesive to thieving villains prefer?
A. Robber cement.

Q. What do you call consecutive jail terms?
A. Run on sentences.

Q. Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
A. For resisting a rest.

Q. Which medication is lauded for being a murderer?
A. A pain killer. drug,

Q. Why did the robber take a bath before he held up the bank?
A. 'Cause he e wanted to make a clean getaway!

Q. What do you get if you cross a gangster and a garbage man?
A. Organized grime.

Q. Who was the greatest thief ever?
A. Atlas, because he held up the whole world!

Q. What do you call two animated characters drawn in the same frame?
A. Cel mates.

Q. Which kind of spider has natural criminal tendencies?
A. Baddy Long Legs.

Q. Which OTC diarrhea medication causes shitty criminals to steal it from the pharmacy?
A. Klepto-Bismol.

Q. What happened after the dummy robbed a bank?
A. Police are questioning a ventriloquist who may have had a hand in it.

Q. Why did a mummy go to jail?
A. He got wrapped up in a pyramid scheme.

Q. Why did the gangster have to see an eye doctor?
A. He had glock-oma.

Q. Which diploma do criminal suspects get?
A. The Third Degree.

Q. What do you call a chemist-turned-clown who's now in jail?
A. A Silicon.

Q. What did Robin Hood need to take from the rich and give to the poor?
A. Nerves of steal.

Q. What did the criminal skeleton use to mug people?
A. A shoulder blade.

A dyslexic robber ran into a bank and shouted, "Air in the hands, mother stickers! This is a f*ck up!"

Q. Why was the piano player arrested? A. Because he got into treble!When I came out of te gym, a cop asked me where I got that body. I said, "I don't know, I just opened the trunk and whe was there!"Q. What does a cabbage outlaw have? A. A price on its head!

Q. Why did the thief kill himself after being arrested for stealing musical instruments from the orchestra?
A. He didn't have a safe Haydn place and couldn't Handel the prospect of being sent Bach to prison!

Q. What happened to the musician who played through the silent part of the song?
A. He was charged with resisting a rest!

Q. What do you call a weird guy who goes around stealing handrails from staircases?
A. A banister banisher.

Q. Which criminal wrote the book, Stealing A Glance Into Cash Flow?
A. Robin Bankz.

Q. What happens when old burglars die?
A. They just steal away.

Q. What is it called when a cop puts a suspect in the back seat of his cruiser?
A. In-car-ceration.

Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla and an inmate?
A. A Kong-vict!

Q. Which kind of stars end up in jail?
A. Shooting stars.

Q. What happened after a truckload of Viagra was stolen?
A. Police are still on the lookout for hardened criminals.

Criminal Confession: After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for ten years. But now that I'm out of jail, I'd say it was worth it.

Q. How do bank robbers send messages?
A. Flee-Mail.

Q. What is an inmate's least favorite food?
A. Celery.

Criminal Fact of the Day: People who rob banks and jewelry stores are pretty bad. But, thieves who rob bakeries really take the cake!

Q. Why did the cops arrest the sausage?
A. Because it was the wurst!

Q. What is it called when a prisoner drinks hooch out of a coffee cup?
A. A mug shot.

Q. How did the old pyromaniac die?
A. His flame went out.

Did you hear about the guy who stole a can of wood filler? A. He was arrested for putty theft!Q. What do prisoners use to call each other? A. Cell Phones!Happy Witness-Day!

Q. What will you find in a clean nose?
A. Fingerprints.

Q. Why did the basketball player go to jail?
A. Because he shot the ball.

Q. What happened to the pair of crooks who were convicted of stealing a calendar?
A. They each got six months!

Q. Why was the ghost's drug dealer arrested?
A. For possession.

Q. What is it called when a ghost robs a bank?
A. A polter-heist.

Q. How do you discipline a criminal ghost?
A. With corporeal punishment.

Q. What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells?
A. A hex offender!

Police were investigating a feline corpse that was found in a Xerox machine. They're calling it a copy cat killing.

Q. Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
A. Because he told the man to put his hands up… OUCH!

Q. What do you call it when a criminal is being fed awful sheep meat while in jail?
A. Mutton for punishment.

Criminal Pick-Up Line: Babe, I was arrested the other night, for having two guns and a six pack.

Q. What's a prisoner's favorite place to hang out?
A. At the bars.

A guy tossed a penny down the well and made a wish … that the police would never find Penny's body.

Q. How is a sinking ship like a person in jail?
A. Both need to be bailed out!

Bank Robber: Where is the safe?
Teller:
Bank Robber: WTF. Where is the safe?
Teller:
Penn: He always does this.

Criminal Pick-Up Line: Let's commit the perfect crime. You steal my heart, and I'll steal yours.

Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months. Looks like his days are numbered.

Criminal Pun of the Day: Those who committed audacious acts will remain shameless.

Q. What is it called when criminals convert a morgue worker into a spy?
A. Turning the Coroner.

Q. Why did the septic tank technician become a crime reporter on Denver7 News?
A. Because he was a true pro at digging up a lot of sh*t.

Q. Which kind of parties do jailbirds like best?
A. Going away parties.

Police Sketch Artist Groan of the Day: A naked woman robbed a bank during a power outage. So, nobody at the bank could remember her face.

Big Money Crime of the Day: Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

Criminal Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the deaf banker who got robbed? Neither did he. OUCH!

Criminal Pick-Up Line: Hey Police Woman, make me an offer I can't refuse.

| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Police Jokes and Arresting Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |
| Job Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actor Jokes |
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