What will you find in a clean nose?
Why did the basketball player go to jail?
A. Because he shot the ball.
What happened to the pair of crooks who were convicted of
stealing a calendar?
A. They each got six months!
Why was the ghost's drug dealer arrested?
A. For possession.
What is it called when a ghost robs a bank?
A. A polter-heist.
What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells?
A. A hex offender!
were investigating a feline corpse that was found in a Xerox
machine. They're calling it a copy cat killing.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
A. Because he told the man to put his hands up… OUCH!
Why did the cops arrest the creeper hosiery?
A. Fot stocking.
Why didn't the sassy crow think he'd be a suspect in the
A. Because he was flying under the radar.
What do you call it when a criminal is being fed awful sheep
meat while in jail?
A. Mutton for punishment.
Pick-Up Line: Babe, I was
arrested the other night, for having two guns and a six
What's a prisoner's favorite place to hang out?
A. At the bars.
guy tossed a penny down the well and made a wish …
that the police would never find Penny's body.
How is a sinking ship like a person in jail?
A. Both need to be bailed out!
How do you discipline a criminal ghost?
A. With corporeal punishment.
Robber: Where is the safe?
Bank Robber: WTF. Where is the safe?
Penn: He always does this.
Pick-Up Line: Let's commit
the perfect crime. You steal my heart, and I'll steal yours.
What did the Coast Guard call sea creatures that held a
baby octopus for ransom?
you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months. Looks
like his days are numbered.
Pun of the Day: Those who committed audacious acts will
What is it called when criminals convert a morgue worker
into a spy?
A. Turning the Coroner.
Why did the septic tank technician become a crime reporter
on Denver7 News?
A. Because he was a true pro at digging up a lot of sh*t.
Which kind of parties do jailbirds like best?
A. Going away parties.
Sketch Artist Groan of the Day: A naked woman robbed a bank
during a power outage. So, nobody at the bank could remember
Money Crime of the Day: Give a man a gun and he will rob
a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.
Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the deaf banker who
got robbed? Neither did he. OUCH!
Why was the trouserless photographyer arrested?
A. For indecent exposure.
Pick-Up Line: Hey Police
Woman, make me an offer I can't refuse.