Q. What is copper nitrate? A. A policeman's overtime!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What do you call that feeling you get when you see a cop car in your rear view mirror? A. Cop sick shock syndrome!
Q. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A. A steak out!
Q. What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf who escaped from prison? A. A small medium at large!
Police pick-up lines for blondes: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

 


Funny Cop Jokes, Police Puns, Jailhouse Humor
Steal away with barely legal laughs, prison humor, irresistable puns, and policeman jokes.

Police Officer Jokes, Cop Puns, Trooper Humor
(Because Stolen Laughs, Hot Puns, and Criminal Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream in Cell Block D!)
Warning: Proceed Carefully! High ticket humor, slammer jokes, cell block laughs and forceful police puns ahead.
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |

Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck and asks the driver if he's got and ID. Driver says: "Bout what?"How do law enforcement officers handcuff a one-armed man?Q. What do you call if when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A. A cellfie!

Q. Why did the police officer cry after making the arrest?
A. It was a moving violation.

Q. How does the Denver Police Department grill a chicken?
A. Repeatedly ask her why she crossed the road last night.

Q. How can a pregnant woman tell she's carrying a future policeman?
A. She has uncontrollable cravings for pork.

Police Pick-Up Line: Please step out of the vehicle and walk a straight line into my life.

Q. Why did the Denver police arrest the craft brewer?
A. He was accused of a-malt and beer-tery.

Q. Why were the police called to the daycare center?
A. A three-year-old was resisting a rest!

Blonde: There are hundreds of dead people and a cannibal here!
Police Dispatcher: Where are you?
Blonde: Littleton Cemetery.

Policeman Point to Ponder: What do cops do with their nightstick in the morning?

Q. Why did the cop ticket the computer?
A. Because it was speeding along the information highway!

Q. What do you call a cell phone message from a prison inmate who just escaped?
A. Out of Context.

Q. What did Bigfoot do after he retired from the Colorado Springs Police Department?
A. He became a Night Squatchman.

Police Pick-Up Line: No Officer, I'm not drunk. I'm just intoxicated by the amazing six-pack under your vest.

Q. What's a great name for a police-woman? A. Laura Biden!Q. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. It turned itself in!Q. What did the policeman say to his belly button? A. You're under a vest!

Q. Why did the Colorado blonde, driving the car with the wild paint job, get pulled over?
A. The Cherry Hills cops said it was a graphic violation.

Q. What do you call a lady cop who plays the guitar?
A. She Riff.

Q. Who wrote the book, Supermax Prison Securit?
A. Barb D. Wyre.

Police Pick-Up Line: Hey Blue Man, I hear cops like a big bust.

Q. Why did the Denver 16th Street Mall cop arrest the off-key street musician with no rhythm?
A. Because he was a beat cop.

Q. What happened to the robber who stole the street lamp?
A. He got a light sentence.

Q. How did the inmate get PTSD?
A. Cell Shock.

Q. What did the burglar say to the clock shop owner as he was tying him up?
A. Sorry to take so much of your precious time.

Q. What is the difference between a lady police officer and a pitbull?
A. The pitbull looks good in lipstick.

Q. What should you never say if you get pulled over by the Denver Police on 13th Avenue?
A. Are you the guy from the Village People?

Q. What do you call a weird guy who goes around stealing handrails from staircases?
A. A banister banisher.

Q. What do you call a famous inmate?
A. A Cell-ibrity.

Barely legal police pick-up line: If being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!Q. What did the stoner at the party say before the copy came? A. Let's blow this joint!Police pick-up lines for blondes: Do you work under cover? Want to plant something on me?

Q. What excuse did the art museum thief give the police officer?
A. I've been framed!

Q. Why won't you ever catch sight of a sasquatch on Lookout Mountain?
A. Jeffco Sheriff's Office is looking into that.

Q. What did the burglar say to the woman who caught him stealing her silver?
A. I am at your service, ma'am.

Police Pick-Up Line: You're so fine that I forgot my pick up line.

Q. What's the main problem with police jokes?
A. Cops don't think they're funny, and private citizens are afraid to laugh at them!

Q. Why did the Colorado State Patrol recruit the South Park cow?
A. Because she was a natural at udder cover work.

Q. Why are cops such excellent volley ball players?
A. Because they know how to serve and protect.

Q. What do you call a blonde policeman?
A. A fair cop!

Police Pick Up Line: I'm writing you a ticket 'cause you have fine written all over you.

Q. What is a convict's favorite fishing lure?
A. Jail bait.

Did you know Bigfoot works as a cop in Denver? Of course not, he's undercover!

Q. Why did the cops arrest a fellow pig?
A. Because he was a pigpocket.

Q. How many thought police does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. There never was any light bulb! Don't you remember?Q. Which silent movie lawmen do locksmiths enoy the most? A. The Keystone Cops!Barely legal police pick-up line: Let's go to my place for some under cover work!

Q. How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but he's never around when you need him.

Q. What happened when the big rig full of toilet paper crashed on the busy street?
A. Police expect the scene to be backed up for quite a while.

Did you hear about the carrot detective? It got to the root of every case.

Q. What do the cops say when they arrive during your Denver Broncos party?
A. Dish is the Police!

Q. What happened when the truckload of toilet paper crashed on the highway?
A. When cops arrived at the scene, they asked if it was a roll-over or a roll-under.

Q. Which kind of stars end up in jail?
A. Shooting stars.

Q. What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone?
A. A blood thirsty fangster.

Q. What happened to the kid who ran away with the circus?
A. The cops made him bring it back...

Q. What is it called when you convert a morgue worker into a spy?
A. Turning the Coroner.

Q. What happened when the shipment of toilet paper crashed on the freeway?
A. Police described the scene as a real wipe-out.

Q. Why do retired Denver cops refer to themselves at the barbershop as ex law enforcement?
A. Mustache you ask?

Q. How can you tell when a dirty cop is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |
| Job Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actor Jokes |
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