A friend annoys me with bad puns, but toucan play at that game!   PainfulPuns.com - Pet Puns + Funny Birds, Cats, Dogs = Pet Peeves

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Q. Why don't penguins fly? A. They're not tall enough to be pilots.
Q. Wht did one owl say to another? A. Happy Owl-ween!
Q. Why was Dick Grayson called Robin? A. Calling him Early Bird sounded silly!
Q. What do you get if you cross a duck and a vampire? A. Count Quackula!
Q. Where do penguins keep their money? A. In a snow bank!
Q. What do you call a chicken crossing the road? A. Poultry in Motion.
The Borg assimilated my henhouse and all I got was this lousy occular implant!

 


Funny Bird Jokes, Avian Humor, Feathered Funs
Fly along with feather funny bird puns, seedy humor, high-flying avain laughs and birdie jokes.

Parrot Jokes, Duck Humor, Funny Bird Puns
(Because Ducking Funny Jokes and Bird Puns That Bite Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Parrot Lovers. Squawk!)
Warning: Please Don't Feed the Animals! Seedy bird jokes, beak avian humor, and feather funny puns ahead.
| Bird Jokes | Cat Jokes and Wildcat Puns | Dog Jokes | 2 | Finny Fish Puns | Fishy Humor |
| Frog Jokes and Snake Puns | Mouse and Rodent Jokes | Pet Animal Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Farm Animal Jokes | Chicken Jokes | Duck and Goose Jokes | Cow Puns | Pig Puns | Sheep Puns |
| Donkey Puns | Horse Jokes | Bronco Puns | Insect Puns | Scary Animals | Animal Pick-Up Lines |

Q. Do Birds Always Know Exactly Where They're Going? A. No, sometimes they just wing it.Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede? A. A Walkie TalkieQ. What's the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer? One is a bird watcher, and the other's a word botcher.

Q. What kind of bird doesn't need a comb?
A. A bald eagle.

Q. What happens when a duck flies upside down?
A. He quacks up!

Q. What do you call a haunted chicken?
A. A poultry-geist.

Q. What happened when a magpie got into a house?
A. She caused a real flap.

Q. Why was a duck arguing with the plastic surgeon?
A. Because he wanted to have his bill reduced.

Q. What do you call a canary that flew into a pastry plate?
A. Tweetie Pie.

Q. Which geometric figure represents a lost parrot?
A. A polygon!

Q. Why do crows tell really dumb jokes?
A. Just be-caws!

Q. What do you call the leader of the flock of marauding crows?
A. Branch manager.

Q. What do you call a bossy duck in a clinic?
A. A nurse quack-titioner.

Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A. A bird that talks in morse code.

Q. Why couldn't anybody see the rare bird?
A. It was in da skies!

Q. How does info travel so quickly from parrot to parrot?
A. Bird of Mouth!

Q. When do hummingbirds hum?
A. When they don't know the words.

A man returned to the vet clinic to see if his pet's surgery was successful. Vet says, "Here's the bill. Unfortunately, we couldn't reattach it to your duck."

A pet store had a bird contest, with no perches necessary.Q. How do you change tires on a duck? A. With a Quacker Jack.Q. How many birds does it take to change a light bulb? A. Toucan do it!

Q. Why did the parrot wear a rain coat?
A. She wanted to be polly unsaturated.

Q. What does a romantic pet parrot offer his lady love?
A. An en-cage-ment ring.

Q. How do robins stay so fit?
A. They do lots of morning worm-ups.

Avian Pick-Up Line: Hey chicky, do you like Bald Eagles? 'Cause I can make you soar.

Q. What is a duck's favorite television show?
A. The feather forecast.

Q. Who stole the soap?
A. The robber ducky!

Avian Pick-Up Line: Hey chick, do you like eagles? 'Cause I bet you'll spread 'em for me!

Q. Why was the noisy rooster annoying when walking either forward or backward?
A. 'Cause it crows both ways.

Q. Why do birds fly south?
A. Because it's too far to walk.

Q. What do you call a cold avian during the winter?
A. Brrrrd!

Q. How do penguins make a decision?
A. They flipper coin.

Birdwatching Pick-Up Line: They say the early bird catches the worm, but girl you can show up at any time and still get a bite!

Q. What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a general? A. A Military Coo!Q. If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay? A. A Bagel!Q. What is the difference between a miser and a canary? A. One's a little cheap & the other's a little cheeper.

Q. Why couldn't anybody see the bird?
A. Because it was in da skies.

Q. Which garden bird is always so sad?
A. The Bluejay.

Birds 'N Bees Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, do you like Eagles? 'Cause I can make you sore.

Q. Which historical English monarch was known for keeping a huge poultry farm?
A. King Hennery.

Q. What kind of birds spend a lot of time on their knees?
A. Birds of Prey.

Q. What do you call a duck on drugs?
A. A quack head.

Birding Pick-Up Line: Hey chicky, do you regurgitate on a first date?

Q. Which movie was about a typical family haunted by a turkey?
A. Poultrygeist.

Q. Where do birds invest their money?
A. The stork market.

Q. What's noisier than a whooping crane?
A. A trumpeter swan.

Water Fowl Pick-Up Line: Wanna Duck?

Q. What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
A. The vulture doesn't get Frequent Flyer Miles.

Q. How Do Chickens Dance? A. Chick to ChickFunny Sign at a Toy Store: Please don't feed the animals! They're already stuffed...Q. What Do You Get If You Cross a Donkey with an Owl? A. A Smart Ass That Knows It All!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A. She was a double crosser!

Q. What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A. Fowl Weather!

Poultry Pick-Up Line: Hey Penny, if you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.

Q. What time does a rooster wake up and visit the outhouse?
A. At the crap of dawn.

Q. When will the migrating geese reach their winter destination?
A. That's still up in the air.

Q. What do you get when you cross a canary and a lawn mower?
A. Shredded Tweet.

Q. Which bird can carry the most weight?
A. The crane.

Q. What is it called when a new mother bird tries to feed the wrong babies?
A. An on-nest mistake.

Q. Which grotesque literary character looked a bit like an extinct bird?
A. Quasi-Dodo.

Fair Feather Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, I heard you like owls? 'Cause you're gonna love what Owl give you.

Q. What do you get if you cross an owl with a cat?
A. Meowls.

Q. Which kind of books do sleuth owls enjoy?
A. Hoot-dunits.

Q. What do you call owls that only hunt at night?
A. Bedtime preyers.

Q. When will the migrating geese reach their winter destination?
A. That's still up in the air.

Hooting Bird Hookup Line: Hey baby, I've been thinking about you – owl night long...

Q. What do you call rude Canada geese? A. In Colorado, you know better than to call a goose!Wild Animal Pun: Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot!Q. Where do seagulls invest their money? A. In the stork market!

Q. What do geese watch on television?
A. Duck-umentaries.

Q. What is it called when you place a shipment of goose feather pillows into a shipping container?
A. Down-loading.

Q. What is the most muscial part of a turkey?
A. The drumstick.

Q. What do you call a very rude and obnoxious bird?
A. A Mockingbird.

Avian Pick-Up Line: Hey chick, I'm a birdwatcher who's looking for a Big-Breasted Bed Thrasher. Do you know where else I might find one?

Q. What is a duck's drug of choice?
A. Quack.

Q. What do you call a baby owl swimming?
A. A Moist-owlette.

Q. Which type of math are wise old birds best at?
A. Owlgebra.

Q. What do you call a magic owl?
A. HOOdini.

Great Horned Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, does your daddy have a pet owl? 'Cause you are a real hoot.

Q. Why did they build a nest near the summit?
A. 'Cause they liked the bird's-eye-view.

Q. What do you call a loon that's a drug addict?
A. A quack head.

Avian Point to Ponder: Are pigeons wealthy? 'Cause they have no problem making deposits on expensive cars.

Q. Which migratory birds are seasonally found on the Iberian Peninsula?
A. Portu-geese.

Q. What does an evil hen lay?
A. Deviled eggs.

Q. Which shampoo do birds prefer?
A. Dove.

Q. Why were the pigeons still happily married after all these years?
A. Because they’re so lovey-dovey.

Q. Who brings presents to good birdies at Christmas time?
A. Santa Caws!

| Bird Jokes | Cat Jokes and Wildcat Puns | Dog Jokes | 2 | Finny Fish Puns | Fishy Humor |
| Frog Jokes and Snake Puns | Mouse and Rodent Jokes | Pet Animal Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

| Farm Animal Jokes | Chicken Jokes | Duck and Goose Jokes | Cow Puns | Pig Puns | Sheep Puns |
| Donkey Puns | Horse Jokes | Bronco Puns | Insect Puns | Scary Animals | Animal Pick-Up Lines |
| Wild Animals | Bear Jokes | Deer Puns | Monkey Jokes | Animal Poop Puns | Bigfoot Jokes | 2 |
| Colorado Animals | Animal Music Jokes | Party Animals | Sports Animals | Xmas Animal Jokes |


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