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Doctor
Jokes, Medical Humor, Sickening Puns
Viral
puns, sick jokes, contagious laughter and feel good humor are the cure
for Grin-ovitis.
Sick Humor, Healthy Jokes, Funny Viral Puns
('Cause Addictive Pills and
Expensive, Unnecessary Tests Are TOO Mainstream
& Laughter is the Best Medicine!) |
Warning:
Recommended By 4 Out of 5 Doctors. You Know the Painful Bill.
Proceed with Due Caution!
| Sick Medical Jokes, Healthy Humor |
Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | Dentist
Jokes, Toothy Grins |
| Surgeon Jokes | Body
Puns | Germ Jokes | Urologist
Jokes | Constipation LOLs
| Diarrhea Puns |
| Shribk Jokes | Eye
Puns | Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology
Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses
|
| Eye Doctor Jokes | Dopey
Pharmaceutical Puns | Futuristic Medical
Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes |
And
now as an intern, the young doc keeps them all in stitches.
Q.
What did the unhappy guy say after his limb replacement
surgery was botched?
A. I'll kill 'em with my bear hand!
Q.
Why are surgeons bad in relationships?
A. 'Cause they know everybody is the same inside.
Numbing
Surgical Point to Ponder: If an anesthesiologist offers
to knock you out with either gas or a boat paddle, is that
an ether/oar decision?
Q.
What is it called when a surgeon slips and cuts off your
right butt cheek?
A. A half-assed operation. |
Q.
Why do urologists always seem so selfish?
A. Because it's all about number one.
Q.
Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
A. So men can tell if they're coming or going!
Q.
What do you call a non-religious urologist?
A. An apostate feelin' your prostate.
Sick
Pick-Up Line: Hey girl,
my love for you burns hotter than my urinary tract infection.
Q.
What did the patient ask his doctor during the colonoscopy?
A. Could you please write me a note for my wife saying that
my head is not up there?
Patient:
I think my butt is broken.
Doctor: No, every butt has a crack.
|
Q.
What do you call two chiropractors who have each other's
backs?
A. Verte-bros.
Q.
Why did the guy break up with his chiropractor girlfriend?
A. Because she was too munipulative.
Q.
Which music genre do chiropractors enjoy most?
A. Hip Pop.
Q.
What do you call a chiropractor who really enjoys his job?
A. A crack addict.
Chiropractor
Tip of the Day: Looking for something to tickle her funny
bone? Just make a couple of humerus witticisms! |
Dental
Pain of the Day: Did you hear about the dentist who was
convicted of incisor trading?
Q.
What do a dentist and a tennis coach have in common?
A. They both use drills.
Dental
Grin of the Day: When I said I was afraid of the dentist,
I didn't mean the drill. I meant the bill!
Q.
What do you call the wise advice your dentist gives you?
A. His floss-ophy.
Q.
What is a toothache?
A. A pain that drives people to extraction. |
Q.
Why did the eye doctor break up with the orthopedic surgeon?
A. Because the eyeball didn't find the elbow's humerus
jabs at all humor-iris.
Receptionist:
Why are you here to see the eye doctor today?
Patient: I see spots in front of my eyes.
Receptionist: Have you seen the doctor?
Patient: No, only spots.
Blind
Laugh of the Day: I had an appointment with an eye doctor
today, but something came up and I couldn't see him.
Eye
Doctor Pick Up Line: Hey
girl, eye see you in my future. |
Q.
Where does a smart brain go on summer vacation?
A. To a hippocampus!
Q.
Which kind of boat floats brains?
A. A cranial blood vessel!
Q.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
A. It had trouble controlling its impulses.
Q.
What do transplant doctors fear most about their job?
A. Rejection.
Q.
What is an organ transplant?
A. How your piano feels when you move it. |
Q.
Why can't an eye doctor count to 3?
A. Because they always get stuck on 1, or 2, or 1, or 2...
Q.
What do you call a concierge ophthalmologist who helps the
police solve crimes?
A. A Private Eye Doctor.
Blind
Confusion of the Day: I thought I went to an Alaskan eye
doctor today, but it was actually an optical Aleutian.
Q.
What music do eye doctors prefer?
A. iTunes. |
Q.
What do you call two orthopedic doctors reading an EKG?
A. A double blind study.
Q.
What is minor surgery?
A. Any operation performed on somebody else!
Medical
Chat Up Line: Hey babe,
do you have an Ace bandage? 'Cause when you walked by, I
got weak in the knees.
Health
Crisis Point to Ponder: Can hospital Pick-Up
Lines actually make you sick?
|
Q.
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
A. A hematologist pricks your finger. ...
Q.
What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A. An URLologist.
Q.
What did the urologist say to the associate doctor when
he hired him?
A. Urine.
Q.
What is a hemorrhoid?
A. A male from outer space! |
A
lady walked into an optician's office and announced that
she had a screw loose. The receptionist directed her to
the shrink's office next door.
Q.
What happened to the optician who had the foresight to perform
at the comedy club?
A. He made a spectacle of himself!
Q.
What did the determined student say when everybody laughed
at him after he said he wanted to be an optician?
A. You'll see, you will all see!
Q.
To an optician, what is a possessed lens?
A. A demonicle.
Far-Sighted
Fact of the Day: Opticians are men of vision!
Q.
How is the circle feeling now that it isn't sick any more?
A. It was glad to be up and around. |
First
Aid Pick-Up Line: Are you
drowning? Because I'm feeling the urge to give you CPR.
Q.
What is a triple bipass?
A. A play that works better than a quarterback sneak.
Sick
Come-On: Hey hottie, you
breathe oxygen and so do I! Looks like we already have something
in common.
Q.
What is an artery?
A. The study of fine paintings.
EMT
Pick-Up Line: Babe, those
clothes look uncomfortable. Let me cut them off you.
Q.
How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. None. They just give the bulb some exercises to do believing
it will be better the next time they see it.
|
Medical
Point to Ponder: Do doctors tell each other doctor jokes?
Old
ophthalmologists never die. They just loose their focus.
An
elderly man told his doctor he'd like his sex drive lowered.
Doc replied, "Sir, at your age, your sex drive is mostly
in your head." Man said, "I know. That's why I
want it lowered."
Q.
What is a recovery room?
A. A great place to do upholstery.
Q.
How did the acupuncturist heal the wounded fencer?
A. With an epee cure.
Medical
Groan of the Day: I just got my ER bill. Now I know why
those doctors were all wearing masks! |
|
Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy
Humor | 1 | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6 | 7
| 8 | 9 | 10
|
| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | Dentist
Jokes, Toothy Grins | 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
|
| Germ Jokes and Viral Virus Puns
| How Many Doctors Does It Take To
Change A Light Bulb? |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist
Jokes | Constipation Jokes
| Diarrhea Jokes | Blood
Jokes | 2 | Vet
|
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic
Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes
| Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor
| 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | Eye
Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology
Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses
Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes
| Addict Jokes, Rehab Puns | Brainy
Puns, Cerebral Jokes | 2 |
| Body Jokes | Human
Anatomy Jokes | Inner Body Puns,
Back Jokes | Butt Jokes | Heart
Humor |
| Male Body Jokes, Viagra Jokes | Female
Body Jokes | Chest Jokes, Pec Puns,
Breast Humor |
| Head Humor | Face
Jokes | Ear Puns | Nose
Jokes | Neck Puns | Ear,
Nose, Throat Humor |
| Mouth Jokes | Hand
Jokes, Finger Puns, Arm Humor | Leg
Jokes | Foot Jokes | Belly
Laughs |
You're
still feeling fine, so here's
even more infectious laughter,
feverish humor, sick
groans, and viral painful puns
to make you feel good:
|
More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
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Bartender Jokes | Cannabis
Puns | Cemetery Jokes |
Chef Jokes | Daily
Groans | Diet Puns | Fitness
Humor |
| Gym Jokes | Judge
Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Magician
Jokes | Money Groans | Music
Puns | Psychic Jokes |
| Religion Jokes | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Undead LOLs | Underwear
Jokes | Vampire Puns |
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