Did you hear about the baby born in the new high-tech delivery room? It was cordless!

Q. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to change the bulb, and one to remove the socket.

Q. What is an outpatient?
A. A person under anesthesia.

Intensely Sick Medical Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, ICU in my dreams!

Q. What can a sore mummy do?
A. Go to see his Cairo-practor.

Sickening Joke of the Day: If you have unprotected sex with a banker, watch out! You might end up getting financial AIDS.

Q. What happened when two obstetricians opened a new practice together?
A. They joined the labor market.

Q. Which hospital unit has the most up -to-date equipment?
A. The modernity ward!

Medical Quote of the Day: Upon examination of the genetalia, Zobo the clown, has indeed been circus-cized.

Poor guy was in the hospital with 60% burns. Doc says, "Give him two Viagra." Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" Doc replies, "No, but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"

Today's Medical Malpractice Groan: Someone told a joke about transgender surgery. Took balls to tell it.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but he has to ask a nurse which end to screw in.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance.

Q. What's a proctologist's fave money quip?
A. Bet your bottom dollar.

Q. Why was the doctor always so calm?
A. Because he had a lot of patients.

Q. How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They just give the bulb some exercises to do believing it will be better the next time they see it.

Q. What did the optician name his new eyewear shop?
A. For Eyes.

Optician: It looks like you need glasses.
Patient: But, I'm wearing glasses.
Optician: Then I must need glasses ...

Q. What did the optician say to Superman after fitting his glasses?
A. News Flash! You are Clark Kent!

Q. Why did the near-sighted guy fall into the mineral springs?
A. Because he didn't see that well!

Did you hear about the dentist who got a gold filling just to put his money where his mouth is?

Q. What did one tooth say to another?
A. Put your cap on. The dentist is taking us out tonight.

Q. Why did the dentist go to the tooth store?
A. To bicuspids!

Q. What does a big brass musician use when he brushes his teeth?
A. A tuba toothpaste.

Q. What did the man ask the x-ray technician after swallowing some money?
A. Do you see any change in me?

Medical Point to Ponder: If your doctor just keeps referring you to other doctors, how can you be sure he's actually a doctor and not a booking agent?

Q. What did the chiropractor say when his vacation was over?
A. Back to business.

Sick Come-On: Hey babe, either I have vertigo, or you just rocked my world?

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now!

Q. How is a hospital gown like insurance?
A. You're never as covered as you think you are.

Nurse: Doc, why is there a thermometer behind your ear?
Doctor: Oh crap! Some asshole must have my pen!

Q. Why did the doctor tell the nurses to be quiet when the pass the drug cabinet?
A. So they wouldn't wake the sleeping pills.

Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent!

Q. What did the shrink say to the man with an elephant on his head?
A. Looks like you have a lot on your mind.

Patient: I feel like a needle.
Psychiatrist: Yes, eye do see your point.

Crazy Thought of the Day: My dad sent me to the shrink because he caught me wearing his bra yesterday.

Did you know that good dental care throughout Panama is called a route canal?

Q. What do you call two dentists that live on the opposite side of the world?
A. Molar opposites.

Q. Why did the Tooth Fairy go to a psychiatrist?
A. Because she was having a hard time believing in herself.

Q. What is the favorite song of many dentists?
A. The Yanks Are Coming.

Man: My shrink said he'd have me back on my feet in two weeks.
Friend: And, did he?
Man: Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.

Q. What did the patient say when his psychiatrist said he was preoccupied with vengeance?
A. Oh yeah? Well see about that.

Did you hear about the shrink who spent a long weekend at a winter psychologist convention in Aspen? On Monday morning, he reported that he'd never seen so many Freudian slips.

Q. How is a hospital gown like health insurance?
A. You're never covered as much as you think you are!

The worst time to have a heart attack has to be during a game of charades.

Q. Why did the philanthropist go into cardiac arrest?
A. Because there were many causes close to his heart.

Doctor Pick-Up Line: You must be my coronary artery because you're wrapped around my heart.

Q. How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They just pass it off to a nursing assistant.

Q. Who wrote the painful medical paper, Failed Back Surgery?
A. Payne Hertz-Bach.

Doctor: Good news. You passed your hearing test.
Patient: What?

Q. What happened when the guy forgot to wear his hearing aid?
A. His wife gave him an earful.

A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send the bill to her husband!

Q. What is a double-blind study?
A. Two audiologists reading an electrocardiogram.

Q. What is the doctor's diagnose for when you start to write a poem, but start to itch and sneeze?
A. An elegy attack.

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