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Old Farmers Never Die, They Just Go To Weed.

Q. What is a three-season bed? A. One without a spring.
Hermaphrodite Cannabis Says: Don't you just hate it when this happens?


Garden Weed Jokes, Clover Humor, Dandelion Puns
Dig up weedy funny purslane puns, weed whacker humor, spotted spurge LOLs and thistle jokes.

Dandelion Jokes, Crab Grass Puns, Ragweed Humor
('Cause Weedy Whacked Out Jokes and Clover Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream When You're Out Pulling Weeds!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Chickweed jokes, tumbleweed humor, bindweed LOLs and poison ivy puns ahead.
| Lawn Weeds Humor | Plant Puns | Garden Decor Jokes, Lawn Ornament LOLs | Farmer Jokes |
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Dandelions Say: Happy Weeds-Day!
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy? A Rash of Good Luck
Q. What did the alien dandelion say to the earth dandelion? A. Take Me To Your Weeder!

Q. Why are there so few good invasive plant jokes?
A. Because weeds are no laughing matter.

Q. Why didn't anybody laugh at the gardener's jokes?
A. 'Cause his puns were weedy bad.

Q. Which lawn invader makes gardeners the most grouchy?
A. Crab grass.

Q. What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
A. I have spotted spurge!

Q. Why shouldn't you ever iron a four-leaf clover?
A. You don't want to press your luck.

Q. Which kind of invasive weed grwos in an unlucky gardener's lawn?
A. Three-leaf clover.

Garden Come-On: Hey there baby, are you a four-leaf lover? 'Cause I'm feeling very lucky tonight. .

Q. Which lawn and garden weed is the most romantic?
A. C-lover.

Green Gardener's Marriage Vows: Do you, Gardener, take this Garden, to weed from this day forth?

Q. What did the marigold say to the dandelion growing beside it?
A. Move over, Bud!

Gardening Hookup Line: Hey big guy, if you were a dandelion, I'd blow you!

Q. Why didn't the feminist blonde gardener pull out one particular kind of unwanted plant?
A. 'Cause it was chickweed. DUH!

What did the alien say to the gardener? Take me to your weeder!
Happy Burrs Day!
Q. What is your lawn's favorite day of the week? A. Dews-Day!

Q. Which little plant likes to invade trendy, stylish gardens?
A. Chic-weed.

Q. Which kind of weed is growing on the road outside the handbag factory?
A. Purselane.

Q. What did the gardener say to the invasive bindweed?
A. Let grow of me, @#$%!

Q. Which kind of foul weed enjoys putting gardeners into a bad position?
A. Bindweed.

Q. Which kind of noxious weed did podcasts before that was a mainstream thing?
A. Spurge.

Q. Which song goes through a gardener's head while he pulling weeds?
A. Thistle While You Work.

Q. Which weed is notorious for lurking around in your garden?
A. Creeping Thistle.

Q. Which noxious weed will not keep migratory geese out of your yard?
A. Canada Thistle.

Q. What happened when a dandelion attacked a redneck?
A. He blew its head off.

Q. Which day of the week do gardeners dread the most?
A. Weedsday.

Q. What do pristine lawn enhusiasts call pesky annual seed grass in their yard?
A. Crap grass.

Q. Which kind of lawn weed do ducks complain about the most?
A. Quack grass.

Hulk Asks: What do you call a horny stoner? A. A Weed Whacker!
What do you call a mushroom who buys a round of drinks? A Fun-Gi
What did the alien say to the grower? Take me to your weeder!

Q. Which nasty weed doubles as a supervillain?
A. Poison Ivy.

Q. Why doesn't Batman like to go on nature walks?
A. Because he detests Poison Ivy.

Q. When does Poison Ivy change her underwear?
A. When they get soiled.

Q. How did Batman nearly contract AIDS?
A. From playing around with Poison-HIVy.

Q. What do you call a dandelion that used to be a marigold?
A. A transplant.

Q. Whick kind of weed caters to royalty?
A. Milkweed. Monarch butterfly caterpllars just eat it up.

Q. How do cows in Colorado get high?
A. Milkweed.

Q. What did the Monarch ask the plants in the butterfly garden?
A. Got milkweed?

"Weed It and Reap" is funny. But, if you accidentally pull out your wife's flowers it's: "Weed It and Weep," and that certainly is not funny at all.

Q. Which nasty weed always makes gardeners grumble?
A. Ragweed.

Backyard Chat Up Line: Hey baby, weed my lips!

Q. Why is botany such a tough subject?
A. Because it weeds out the pansies.

A Girl Said She Recognized Me From the Vegetarian Club, But I'd Never Met Herbivore.
Pot Poetry: Weed is good, weed is fine. If you share yours, I'll share mine!
Happy Cannabis Says: Happy Weed's Day!

Q. Did you hear the latest gardening joke about the dandlion?
A. It's weedy bad.

Gardening Trivia: Did you know the cheetah is faster dandelion?

Q. What does it take to become a noted dandelion botanist?
A. You need to be outstanding in the field.

Q. What is a dandy-lion?
A. A big wild cat wearing a dapper hat.

Q. Which unwanted garden plant is truly something to sneeze at?
A. Ragweed.

Q. How did the camper end up with a poison ivy rash in his hair?
A. It was a real head-scrathcer.

Flowery Pick Up Poetry in Motion: Roses are red, Lilies are white, weed make a great couple, you know I'm sow right.

Q. Which western weed is a natural gymnast?
A. The Tumbleweed.

Q. Which western weed do cowboys sing about?
A. Tumbling Tumbleweed.

Q. What is the specialty of the French drug dealer?
A. Oui-d.

Q. How are dandelions and homeless urban drug addicts alike?
A. Give 'em a little crack and some water, and they can pop up anywhere.

Q. What's the opposite of crab grass?
A. Happy 420 grass in Colorado.

Q. Why is crab grass such a drag?
A. 'Cause it's just not lobster.

Home Grown Pick Up Line: Weed be cute together.

Q. Which day of the week do burned out light bulbs enjoy the most?
A. WeedsDay! 'Cause matches, lighters, candles and stove burners light up the night.

Weedy Bad Garden Chat Up Line: Hey baby, wanna see if the grass really is greener on my side of the fence?

Q. How did the old landscaper die?
A. He was weeded out.

| Lawn Weeds Humor | Plant Puns | Garden Decor Jokes, Lawn Ornament LOLs | Farmer Jokes |
| Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
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| Gardener Jokes | Gardening Jokes and Bloomin Funny Garden Puns | Gardener Come-Ons |
| Garden Gnome Jokes | Lost Gnome Jokes | Creepy Garden Gnome Puns | Mobile Gnome Jokes |
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