Q. How can a woman tell if she's a true wine enthusiast?
A. The more wine she samples, the more enthusiastic she gets!

Q. Why do women vino lovers guzzle down vine humor?
A. Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.

Q. Why did the talkative blonde order the house draft beer for the whole table?
A. Because a pitcher is worth a thousand words!

Drinking Groan of the Day: A terrible psychic walks into a bar. She never saw it coming. OUCH!

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

Q. What do you call the old owner who won't sell her tavern?
A. Barkeeper.

Q. Why did the short blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
A. She heard the drinks were on the house!

A blonde on her cell phone walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "You're just in time for last call."

A blonde goes into a bar. Bartender asks her what she'd like and she replies, "Bring me a beer." Bartender asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" Blonde answers, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

Q. How do women and whiskey age alike?
A. The packaging gets a little messed up, but the stuff inside stays pretty much the same.

Q. Should a lady enjoy a glass of red before noon?
A. Wine not!

Q. What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
A. I am drinking wine and feline fine!

Q. Why does your grandma like wine so much?
A. Because at her age, she needs glasses!

She: I love you so much, I could never live without you.
He: Is that you talking, or the wine?
She: It's me, talking to the wine!

Q. Why do ladies enjoy wine jokes?
A. Because they're de-vine!

A guy said this non-alchoholic wine was delcious, but his wife said he had no proof.

Q. What do you call a basement full of upset women?
A. A whine cellar!

Q. Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
A. Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!

Q. Which kind of wine does the news anchorwoman drink after reporting each day's events?
A. Rhone Burgundy.

My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!

Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!

Q. Why do women winos love cheap wine puns?
A. Because wine snobs hate them!

Q. What happens when you cross a gynecologist drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and a sexy blonde drinking Smirnoff vodka?
A. A Pabst Smir!

Q. What did the blonde say when some guy at the bar asked her if she liked cocktails?
A. I don't know. Tell me one.

Q. What did the blonde leave the Broncos tailgating party crying?
A. Because they ran out of Coors Light in left-handed cans.

Q. Why did the ladies really go for the hot craft beer meister?
A. Because he was lager than life.

Q. What is one difference between beer and women?
A. Beer makes you happy for nothing, and women make you angry for nothing.

Q. Why do women take baths to relax?
A. Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.

Q. How can you spot the girl who drank an entire bottle of wine?
A. She's the one dancing like a stripper.

Did you hear about the woman whoI drank so much wine last night? When she walked across the dance floor to get another glass, she won the dance competition.

Q. How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
A. By the blanc look on her face.

Q. Are there any funny red wine-drinking women jokes at PainfulPuns?
A. You bet Shiraz there are!

Q. Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
A. She was tired of raisin a family.

Q. What are Moms made of?
A. Coffee, wine, and everything fine.

Customer: Could I have my margarita with light ice?
Hot Blonde Bartender: I'm sorry, all of our ice weighs the same.

Blonde: Can domestic beer make you smarter?
Brunette: Well, it made Bud wiser.

Q. Why do blondes prefer sudsy beer puns?
A. Because they like good, clean humor.

Q. What did the other blonde say when a guy at the bar asked her if she liked cocktails?
A. I don't know. Show me one.

They're filming a new Renee Zellweger movie in Cuba. It's called "Bridget Jones Daiquiri."

Bar Fly Fact of the Day: The perfect woman is just like vodka ­ transparent, ice cold, and utterly tasteless.

Cocktail Fact of the Day: Martinis are just like nipples. One isn't enough, two is just right, and three is when things start to get weird.

Q. What did the blonde say after somebody told her to drink Less wine?
A. Duh! I don't speak French, plus I can't find that brand anywhere!

Q. How are vodka shots like children?
A. If you have more than a few, you'll likely be crying by the end of the night.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two time a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a litle wine and some good food. She goes on Friday, and I go on Saturday.

Q. Why do women love wine puns?
A. Because they're grape!

Did you hear about the fellow who got a bottle of fine wine for his mother-in-law? He thought that was a fair trade.

Q. Why did the blonde bar patron claim to be cosmopolitan?
A. 'Cause she was full of vodka and cranberry juice.

I told my wife that a man is like fine wine; husbands get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.

Q. What is the difference between a bottle of wine and a prostitute?
A. The older the bottle of wine, the more you have to pay for it.

Q. What did the white wine lover do when she realized she'd already tasted too much chablis?
A. She ordered a cab.

Q. Why does Mrs. Santa enjoy the Christmas season so much?
A. Because it's the most wine-derful time of the year!

Q. How does Mrs. Claus endure living at the North Pole?
A. She's enjoys living in a Wine-ter Wonderland!

Q. Why is Mrs. Claus so jolly?
A. She jingles all the cabernet while Santa's on his sleigh!

Q. What does Mrs. Claus say to Santa before he leaves for the day?
A. Ho, ho, ho. Merlot Christmas!

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Double Entendre. So, he gives it to her.

An angel walks into a bar hoping to meet someone heavenly.

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, Wow! And I thought my wine had nice legs!

A black widow drops into the bar. Bartender asks, "What's your poison?"

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if they serve women in this bar. Bartender replies, "No, you have to bring your own."

Q. Which morning after vodka cocktail must you enjoy with a close friend nearby?
A. A Buddy Mary.

A nun walks into a bar with her clothes on inside out. When the bartender asked her about it, she replied, "It's a bad habit."

Q. What's the difference between a stunning gown and a bottle of Smirnoff?
A. The gown can make one girl look gorgeous, but vodka can make all the ladies look Russian.

A doctor, a nurse, and a mother walk into a bar. The doctor says, "Give me a shot of Scotch." The nurse says, "Give me a shot of Tequila." The mom says, "I don't do shots," and falls over dead from the measles.

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, I've heard drinking wine makes me look sexy, so have another bottle.

Q. Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny?
A. Because her lips stick.

A hen walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken here, but there is a place across the road."

Q. Which beer do the NY Rockettes and their fans prefer?
A. Heinie Can Can.

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy ... so I got drunk.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
­ W. C. Fields.

At a cocktail party, one woman asked another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other woman replied, "Yes, because I married the wrong man!"

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, I've heard drinking wine makes me look sexy, so have another bottle.

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