|
Funny
Cocktail
Jokes, Bar Puns, Drink Humor
Belly
up to the bar for funny drinking jokes, heady beer puns, bar laughs and
sloppy saloon puns.
Drinking Jokes, Bartender Puns, Drunk Humor
(Because Funny Drinking Jokes
and Drink Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You're
Thirsty for Some Laughs!) |
Warning:
Proceed with Caution! Sassy bartender jokes, intoxicating humor,
and mixed drinking puns ahead.
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor and Brewed Puns
| 1 | 2 |
3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | 8
| Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
|
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Lovers Jokes | 2
| 3 | Women
Drinking Jokes | Manly Drinking Jokes
| Drunken Gnomes |
| Sports Bar Jokes | Animal
Walks Into the Bar | Space Bar Puns
| Scary Drinks | Holiday
Drinks |
A
book walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Please,
no stories!"
Two
quotation marks "walk into" a bar.
Q.
What did the bartender say to the chamelon that walked into
the bar?
A. Okay, if your wife calls, I didn't see you.
A
screwdriver walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We have
a drink named after you." Screwdriver replies, "You
have a drink named Stanley?"
Q.
Why is beer better than a woman?
A. Because you can tap your keg any time you want. |
A
man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks,
"Why the short face?"
A
Shetland pony walks into a bar, has a few drinks, and leaves
$10 on the bar. Bartender says, "Sorry pal, you're
short."
A
horse ambles into a bar. Bartender looks up and says, "Hey!"
The horse replies, "Yes, you read my mind."
A
potato walks into a bar. Yes, all eyes were on
him!
I
told myself that I should stop drinking. but I'm not about
to listen to some dumb drunk who talks to himself.
|
A superconductor walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We
don't serve superconductors here." The superconductor
leaves without putting up any resistance.
Q.
What did the bartender say to the dung beetle that walked
into the bar?
A. Just pull up a stool.
The
Number 13 walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry,
we can't serve you. You're under 21."
Q.
What is it called when a fun guy ties his belt
around a barroom seat and pulls it behind him?
A. A towed stool. |
Q.
What did the bartender say when an eel slid back
into the bar?
A. "Oh, you're here for more, eh?"
A
bat flies into a bar and asks for another drink. Bartender
says, "There must be an echo in here."
A
giraffe walks into a bar. "Sorry," said the bartender,
"We don't serve Heineken here."
Q.
Which brand of vodka do Canadians drink?
A. Grey Moose.
A
giraffe walks into a bar and announces: "High balls
on me!"
A
cat walks into a bar. Then out of the bar. Then back in.
Then out again... |
Q.
What did the martini say when somebody stuck a toothpick
in it?
A. It hurts, but Olive!
Q.
What happened when the bartender spilled the vodka?
A. It was an Absolut loss.
Did
you hear about the guy who quit drinking liquor for good?
Now he drinks for evil.
A
German tourist orders a martini. Bartender asks, "Dry?"
Confused, the German guy replies, "No, just one."
Q.
How do you make the perfect martini?
A. Dump the gin, vermouth, and olives in the trash where
they belong, and open a bottle of Jack Daniels!
|
Q.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
A. On a cruise sip.
Q.
Which superpower do wine lovers possess?
A. The super ability to make wine disappear.
Q.
What did the vintage say when it won the race?
A. Cheers! I'm number wine!
Warning:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you are
whispering, when you are NOT.
Q.
What is a grape's favorite day of the week?
A. WinesDay! |
Q.
How can you tell you drink too much wine?
A. The phlebotomist needs to use a corkscrew to get a blood
sample from you.
Q.
Do we feature painful wine puns here?
A. You can bet Shiraz we do!
A
skunk walks into a crowded bar, and wonders where everybody
went?
A
mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't
serve your kind here." The mushroom says, "Why
not? I'm a fungi!" |
A
giraffe walked in to a bar. The bartender asked, "What's
with the long face?"
An
infinite number of mathematicians walked into a bar. First
ordered a pint, second ordered a half-pint, third ordered
a quarter-pint. Bartender gave them 2 pints and said, "You
math geeks don't know your limit."
Beer
Point to Ponder: If you put root beer in a square mug, do
you get beer?
Q.
Why is a beer better than religion?
A. You can prove you have a beer.
|
Q.
What does a termite say when he walks into a bar?
A. Is the bar tender here?
Bar
Fly Words of the Day: I am in a committed relationship
– with Jose Cuervo.
Beer
Fact of the Day: Beer is not the answer. Beer is the question.
YES is the answer.
A
guy and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe gets drunk
and passes out. Bartender says, "Hey, you can't leave
that lyin' there." The guy replies, "that's not
a lion, it's a giraffe." |
Heady
Beer Point to Ponder: To some, it's just a six-pack. To
others, it's a support group!
Q.
Why did the ladies really go for the hot craft beer meister?
A. Because he was lager than life.
Clue
You're Drinking a Sudsy Craft Beer: For some reason, it's
sold in the detergent aisle.
Bar
Pick Up Line: Hey babe, I'm
not drunk. I'm just intoxicated by your beauty.
Q.
What is a standup comedian's least favorite kind of alcoholic
beverage?
A. Booze!
Q.
What do crafty Denverites call a group of young kids dressed
like ghosts for Halloween?
A. A micro-boo-ery. |
Beer
Lover Wisdom: When I was young, I used to drink all kinds
of beer. But, now I'm older Budweiser.
Today's
Smart Beer Tip: Always remember it's I before E, unless
it's Budweiser!
Q.
What is Locutus' favorite Pilsner style beer from Denmark?
A. Carlsborg.
Two
cannibals walk into a bar and sit next to a clown. First
cannibal whacks the clown on the head with a beer bottle,
and they both start eating the clown. Suddenly, the second
cannibal looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste something
funny?"
Q.
How do women and whiskey age alike?
A. The packaging gets a little messed up, but the stuff
inside stays pretty much the same.
Q.
What did the guy call the image of a drink flask on his
arm?
A. A Thermos-tat.
|
A
leprechaun walks into a bar. The bartender serves him and
says, "That'll be $3." The leprechaun puts two
dollar bills on the bar and starts walking away. The barkeep
shouts, "You're a little short!"
A
goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The
bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish
says, "Water."
Warning:
Het ovre sumpcontion of ahcolol may cause pryctic text massages.
EW!
Q.
What's the difference between a stunning gown and a bottle
of Smirnoff?
A. The gown can make one girl look gorgeous, but vodka can
make all the ladies look Russian.
Q.
Which morning after vodka cocktail must you enjoy with a
close friend nearby?
A. A Buddy Mary. |
|
Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor and Brewed Puns
| 1 | 2 |
3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | 8
| Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
|
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2
| 3 | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes,
Guy In a Bar LOLs |
| Sports Bar Jokes, Sport Drinking Puns
| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze
Puns | Alchoholic Jokes |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes
| Space Bar Puns | Drunken
Holiday Grins | Drunken Gnomes
|
| Beverage Jokes | Soda
Funny Soft Drink Jokes | Coffee Puns,
Java Jokes, Espresso Humor | 2
|
| Waiter Jokes | Restaurant
Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger
Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack
Puns |
You've mixed it up this far,
so here's more liquid
laughter, barred
humor,
tender jokes and dry
painful puns to take the edge off
whatever ales you:
|
More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
|
Astronaut Jokes | Blonde
Jokes | Broncos Jokes |
Chef Puns | Colorado
Jokes | Criminal Puns | Hipster
Jokes |
| Light Bulb Jokes | Marriage
Jokes | Music Jokes | Pickled
Puns | Pirate Jokes | Police
Jokes | Religion Jokes |
| Saturday Puns | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Weed
Jokes | Zombie Jokes |
Thanks
for stopping by and see you again soon!
Join
us on social media and please
feel free to share our memes with friends and family:
©2017-2021
Painfulpuns.com
All rights reserved. |
|
|