Jokes, Vodka Puns, Smirnoff Humor
Skyy high vodka jokes, wodka humor, Stoli laughs and the Absolut wurst
Proceed With Caution! Vodka jokes, little water LOLs, votka humor
and Absolut-ly Painful Puns ahead.
Vodka Jokes, Wodka Puns, Vodica Humor
(Because Grey Goosey Puns and
Stolichnaya Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream,
No Matter How You Say It!)
| Vodka Jokes | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Wry Whiskey
Jokes | Cocktail LOLs | 2
| 3 | Drunk
| Cold Beer Jokes | Ale-ful
Colorado Craft Beer Puns | Beer
IS Better Than... | Bartender
| Wine Jokes | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes
| Scary Drink Puns | Holiday
| Sports Bar Jokes | Animal
Walks Into a Bar Jokes | Sci-Fi Space
Bar Puns | Bar Pick-Up Lines
How much vodka does it take to kill a Russian?
Fun Fact of the Day: Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary.
So I looked it up on Whiskeypedia and learned if
you drink too much, it's likely tequil-ya!
What rhymes with Vodka?
A. No, it doesn't!
How did the stoner feel when he fell into a vat of cannabis-infused
A. He was in high spirits!
What happened when the bartender spilled the vodka?
A. It was an Absolut loss.
Tip of the Day: If you want a promotion at work, just walk
around your office yelling, "Vodka! Tequila! Jack Daniels!"
This makes you the one who calls the shots!
Fly Fact of the Day: The perfect woman is just like vodka
– transparent, ice cold, and utterly tasteless.
Which cocktail is made of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin
and Southern Comfort?
A. A Slow Comfortable Screw.
man attempted to smuggle sausage and vodka out of Europe
in his suitcase. But the baggage caught on fire and the
plane had to be evacuated. It was the Absolut wurst
What do you call it when a prisoner drinks vodka out of
a coffee cup?
A. A mug shot!
Point to Ponder: If you're an alcoholic if you
drink too much vodka, then are you Fantastic if
you drink too much orange soda?
translates as little water, so Nostrovia!
Why did the blonde bar patron claim to be cosmopolitan?
A. 'Cause she was full of vodka and cranberry juice.
Why did the guy drop his bottle of vodka in the liquor store
A. 'Cause he just can't hold his booze.
Fact of the Day: Vodka is made from potatoes. Potatoes are
vegetables. Vegetables are good for you!
German tourist orders a martini. Bartender asks, "Dry?"
Confused, the German guy replies, "No, just one."
What is a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?
A. Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.
Bar Pickup Poetry: Roses
are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than having
dinner with you.
What is it called if you spill your vodka twice?
A. Another Absolut loss.
Words of the Day: Dear Martini, Olive You.
Factoid of the Day: Carrots may be good for your eyes, but
vodka will double your vision.
Why was the Colorado weed and vodka store doing
A. 'Cause everybody who shops there leaves in high
you hear about the guy who couldn't decide between vodka
and whiskey? He was very good at multi-flasking.
How are shots of vodka just like children?
A. If you have more than two, chances are you'll be in tear
by the end of the evening.
What did the martini say when somebody stuck a toothpick
A. It hurts, but Olive!
What did the bartender say to the patron who was drinking
his vodka way too fast?
A. Stop, Russian!
What did Locutus of Borg say at the bar?
A. The name is Borg, James Borg. Gin and vodka martini,
shaken; the olive is irrelevant!
What do you get if you plant pumpkin spice latte and water
it with vodka?
A. A sorority!
What did the blonde say after somebody told her to drink
A. Nyet! I can't find that brand anywhere!
What kind of vodka do Canadian deer drink?
A. Grey Moose.
Point to Ponder: Donald Trump is like top shelf vodka. Expensive,
transparent, and wouldn't be here if not for Russia!
How did the party boy figure out that he's allergic to vodka?
A. Every time he drank it, he broke out in handcuffs.
Which morning after vodka cocktail must you enjoy with a
close friend nearby?
A. A Buddy Mary.
Why is imported Vodka so clear?
A. So Russians can tell it's not tap water.
What do you call the guy who drank vodka and ended up in
a mental hospital?
A. An Absolut madman.
What's the difference between a stunning gown and a bottle
A. The gown can make one girl look gorgeous, but vodka can
make all the ladies look Russian.
What should you do with an old inventory of Russian vodka?
A. Clearly, you should liquidate it.
Vodka Jokes | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Wry Whiskey
Jokes | Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Drunk
gnome walks into the bar and orders a martini. Bartender
says, "Sorry, I can serve you. You're a little drunk."
What is an apt name for a bartender who only makes martinis?
A. Oliver Twist.
Why didn't the new vodka-infused brats catch on?
A. Because that was the Absolut wurst!
Why is the new Denver Weed and Vodka pub doing so well?
A. Because everyone who visits there is in high spirits.
Why did the alcoholic keep switching between vodka and gin?
A. He was skilled at multi flasking.
Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender
asks, "Olive or twist?"
Why wasn't the guy angry after burglars stole all his vodka?
A. Because they lifted his spirits.
Fact of the Day: Vodka doesn't turn people into somebody
they are not. It just makes them forget to hide that part
Why did the vodka salesman quit his job?
A. Becuase the pay was the Absolut worst.
Thought of the Day: Vodka isn't always the answer, but it's
worth a shot.
Fact of the Day: You might be an alcoholic if you already
knew that National Martini Day is June 19.
Point to Ponder: If you drink from a bottle of vodka that
was blessed by a priest, are you full of the Holy Spirit?
What happened when a guy met a drunk Russian ventriloquist
at the bar?
A. She said she wanted to sleep with him, but he didn't
know if it was her or Stoli doing the talking.
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2
| 3 | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes,
Guy In a Bar LOLs |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Sports Bar Jokes, Sport Drinking Puns
| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze
Puns | Alchoholic Jokes |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes
| Space Bar Puns | Drunken
Holiday Grins | Drunken Gnomes
| Beverage Jokes | Soda
Funny Soft Drink Jokes | Coffee Puns,
Java Jokes, Espresso Humor | 2
| Waiter Jokes | Restaurant
Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger
Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack
so here's another shot of watered
down humor, dah
laughs, Nostrovia jokes and
clearly funny painful puns
olive you will enjoy:
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
Blonde Giggles | Broncos
Jokes | Cold Puns | Colorado
Jokes | Criminal Puns | Dr.
Who Humor | Ghost Jokes
| Hipster Jokes | Music
Jokes | Pickled Puns | Pirate
Jokes | Poker Jokes | Police
Jokes | Religion Jokes |
| Saturday Puns | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Shirt Jokes | Sports
Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Underwear
Jokes | Weed LOLs |
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