Q. Why did the vampire consider hiself a good artist? A. He like to draw blood!   PainfulPuns.com - Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes, Deadly LOL!

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Q. Why was the skeleton so mean? A. He didn't have a heart!
If Satan lost his hair, would there be HELL toupee?
Q. What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A. A Stake Sandwich!
Q. Why don't mummies have any friends? A. Because they're too wrapped up in themselves!
Q. Why didn't the skeleton like the Halloween candy? A. He just didn't have the stomach for it!


Scary Monster Jokes, Deadly Puns, Haunted Humor
Scare up frightening monster jokes, frightful humor, deadly laughs and bloody funny puns.

Scary Jokes, Haunted Humor, Frightful Puns
(Because Spooky Monster Jokes, Haunted Humor, and Frightening Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream in Hell!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Deadly scary jokes, hellish haunted humor, and ghoulish puns lurk dead ahead.
| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted House Puns | Cannibal Jokes | Scary Cemetery Jokes |
Vampire Jokes | Blood Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | Scary Witch | Zombie Jokes |
| Scary Drinks | Frightful Food | Scary Fun | Spooky Sports | Frightful Fashion | Scary Dentist |
| Scary Halloween Jokes | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns | Scary Clowns |
| Werewolf Jokes | Scary Animals | Bat Jokes | Bigfoot Jokes | Spider Jokes | Friday the 13th |

Did you hear about a vampire who fell in love with his neighbor? She was teh ghoul necks door!Q. Which streets do ghosts haunt? A. Dead ends!Q. Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? A. It raises their spirits!

Q. What do you get if you cross a laptop and a vampire?
A. Love at first byte.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite dance?
A. The Fango!

Q. What is a vampire's favorite Shakespeare play?
A. A Midsummer Bite's Dream.

Q. Which fans are the favorites of movie vampires?
A. Their fang club.

Q. What did the thousand-year-old skeleton complain about?
A. Aching bones.

Q. What song do skeleton criminal listen to?
A. Bad to the Bone.

Q. How do skeleton traffic reporters prefer to commute?
A. By skel-icopter.

Q. What does a skeleton drive into a hockey game?
A. The Zam-Bony!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite game?
A. Hide-and-ghost-seek.

Q. What did the ghost's daughter want for her birthday?
A. A haunted dollhouse.

Q. Why are ghosts so good at sports?
A. They have team spirit!

Q. What does a ghost use to make calls?
A. A Terror-Phone!

Q. Which day of the week do ghosts live for?
A. BoosDay.

Q. Why couldn't the ghost see its mom and dad? A. They were trans-parents!Q. How are vampires like false teeth? A. They both come out at night!Q. Who's a vampire's favoirite super hero? A. Batman!

Q. What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A. Don't spook until you're spoken to.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to the confused class?
A. Please look at the board, and I'll go through it again.

Q. What kind of a mistake does a ghost make?
A. A boo boo.

Q. What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
A. A bike with no spooks.

Q. What does a vampire fear the most?
A. Tooth decay.

Scary Vampire Point to Ponder: Are elderly vampires long in the tooth?

Q. What's the difference between a vampire with a toothache and a rainstorm?
A. One roars in pain, and the other pours the rain.

Q. How does an elderly vampire refer to his new false teeth?
A. As a new fangled invention.

Q. What did the horny vampiress say to Superman?
A. See you in the Kryp-tonite.

Q. Why is it so tough to compete with a vampire?
A. Because they're always out for blood.

Q. Why is Hollywood full of vampires?
A. They need someone to do bit parts!

Q. Why are werewolves scarier than vampires during the full moon?
A. Werewolves have no problem with steaks.

Q. How does a female vampire flirt? A. She bats her eyes!Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road? A. To get to the body shop!Q. Why don't ghosts like rain on Halloween? A. It dampens their spirits!

Q. What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A. It's a pain in the neck.

Q. Why did the blonde vampire try out to be a porn star?
A. 'Cause she had really big fangs and thangs.

Q. Why did the vampire act so batty?
A. It was in his blood.

Q. Where do British vampires go to vacation?
A. The Isle of Fright!

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, wanna go out for a bite?

Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.

Q. What do you call a skeleton that stays out in sub-zero weather too long?
A. A Numbskull.

Q. What happens when you watch skeleton porn?
A. You end up with a boner.

Q. Why don't skeletons play on the Denver Broncos team?
A. They are big-boned enough, but they only have enough heart to play for the Denver Nuggets.

Q. What does a ghost wear if it's pouring outside?
A. Rain BOOts.

Q. Which street do ghosts live on?
A. A dead end!

Q. Why do ghosts make bad con artists?
A. 'Cause you can see right through them.

Q. What does a ghost panda eat?
A. BamBOO.

Q. What do you call a little ghost whose sheet is torn?
A. A holy tearer.

Q. Why is a vampire good to take out for a meal? A. Because they eat necks to nothing!Q. Why are vampire families so close? A. Because blood is thicker than water!Happy Hearse Day!

Q. Why do vampires hate arguments?
A. Because they don't want to get cross.

Q. Why doesn't Dracula want to become an investment banker?
A. Because he hates stakeholders.

Q. What do you get if you cross Google with a vampire?
A. A know-it-all that's a real pain in the neck!

Q. What do you call the planning behind stabbing Dracula?
A. Pain-Staking.

Q. How can you tell a vampire is sick?
A. He's coffin.

Q. How did the vampire fall in love with his wife?
A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Why was the vampire so grumpy?
A. Too much B negative.

Q. What was Dracula doing at the London pub?
A. Having a bloody good time.

Q. What do you call a non-fictional vampire?
A. A real pain in the neck!

Q. Why did a vampire run off to join the circus?
A. To become an acrobat.

Q. Why did the monster musician's gig at the mausoleum stink?
A. Because the audience actually was dead.

Q. What is a mortician's favorite game?
A. Formaldahyde and ghost seek.

Q. Why did that one guy like cemeteries so much?
A. He just digs the graves.

Q. What is it called when a casket ends up buried in the wrong cemetery plot?
A. A grave mistake.

Q. What happened to the guy who didn't make back payments to his exorcist?
A. He got repossessed!

| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted Halloween Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | 2 | 3 | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | 2 | Scary Witch Humor |
| Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Deadly Cemetery Jokes | Haunted House Humor | Werewolf Jokes |

| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze Puns, Spooky Drink LOLs | Frightful Food Puns | Scary Party Jokes |
| Scary Sports Jokes | Frightful Fashion Jokes, Scary Clothing Humor | Scary DentistJokes |
| Scary Animal Jokes | Bat Puns | Bigfoot Sightings | 2 | Spider | Zombie Jokes | Brain Puns | 2 |
| Vampire Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Vampire Arts | Bloody Funny | 2 | Friday the 13th Humor |

| Scary Days | Old Never Die Jokes | Clown Jokes | Chilling Winter Humor | Holiday Party Jokes |

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You're still alive, so here's even more horrendous humor, killer jokes,
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| Sci-Fi Jokes | Shrink Humor | Sports Puns | Superhero Jokes | Toupee Jokes | Travel Jokes | Weed Jokes |

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