Q. What happened to the vampire standup comedian who performed at the haunted house?
A. He got booed off stage.

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a school teacher?
A. Lots of blood tests.

Q. What do you get if you cross Google with a vampire?
A. A know-it-all that's a real pain in the neck!

Q. What's worse than a hungry vampire?
A. A thirsty vampire.

Q. Why wouldn't the skeleton eat liver?
A. He didn't have the stomach for it.

Q. Which cheesy pop singer did skeletons groove to decades ago?
A. Bone Jovi.

Q. What did the skeleton choose for his stage name?
A. Pelvis.

Q. What did the thousand-year-old skeleton complain about?
A. Aching bones.

Q. What did the vampire say after reading all these bloody funny puns?
A. These jokes really do SUCK!

Q. How do you get into a vampire drama school?
A. Just act supernatural.

Q. What's the difference between a vampire with a toothache and a Colorado thunderstorm?
A. One roars in pain, and the other pours in rain.

True Scary Story: Vampire puns do suck.

Q. Why do skeletons have low self esteem?
A. They have no body to love.

Q. What do you call a skeleton who won't work?
A. Lazy bones.

Q. What do you call a skeleton that stays out in sub-zero weather too long?
A. A Numbskull.

Q. Why did the werewolf chase after the skeleton?
A. 'Cause he had a bone to pick with him.

Q. Where did viking vampires first land in the Americas?
A. In New Fangland.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite craft?
A. En-graving.

Q. When do vampires like to do sneak attacks?
A. On Wince Days.

Q. What did Dracula's wife say to the divorce lawyer after she caught the Count cheating on her?
A. Just bleed him dry!

Q. Why did the ghosts leave the Halloween party?
A. Because the sheet was about to hit the fan.

Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A. Mali-boo!

Q. Why are ghosts so popular at Halloween parties?
A. 'Cause they always bring the boos!

Q. Why are ghosts always happy?
A. Because every shroud has a silver lining.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite dance?
A. The Fango!

Q. How do vampires get around?
A. On blood vessels.

Q. Why was the blonde vampire considered simple-minded?
A. Because she was a complete sucker.

Q. Why doesn't Jupiter have a vampire problem?
A. Because there are at least 67 moons there.

Q. What kind of vehicle does Frankenstein drive?
A. A Monster Truck!

Q. Why did Godzilla attack the automobile dealership?
A. Because he wanted to pick up trucks.

Q. Where does Frankenstein go to get a tattoo?
A. Monsters Ink.

Q. What is inscribed on the tombstone of the Frankenstein monster?
A. Rest in Pieces.

Q. What do you call a monster that sucks all the jelly out of doughnuts?
A. A Jampire!

Q. What does Dracula like for dessert?
A. Leeches and scream.

Q. What is even worse than a hungry vampire?
A. A thirsty vampire.

Q. What do vegans and vampires have in common?
A. They don't eat at stake houses.

Q. What does a vampire fear the most?
A. Tooth decay.

A vampire point to ponder: Are elderly vampires long in the tooth?

Q. What song do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld Fang Syne.

Q. Why did the vampire always keep his fangs so clean?
A. To prevent bat breath!

Q. What did the daddy ghost say to his family while they were driving?
A. Please fasten your sheet belts.

Q. What is in a ghost's nose?
A. Boo-gers!

Q. What do you call the ghost of a chicken?
A. A Poultry Geist.

Q. Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
A. 'Cause they needed a little team spirit.

Q. What do you get when you cross a spider and a squirrel?
A. A pest that will run up your leg and eat your nuts.

Q. Which song did the guy request at his mother-in-law's funeral?
A. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.

Q. What is read at a female dog's funeral?
A. The o-bitch-uary.

Monstrous Pick Up Line: Hey babe, you look dead sexy. Literally.

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