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Painful
Puns, Hoarse Humor, Contagious Jokes
Expectorate
throaty groaner jokes, word play humor, loud loogie laughs and prob-phlegm
puns.
Painful Puns and Groaner Jokes – Ouch!
(Because Mindful Puns and Groaner Jokes That Over-Doze
Your Frontal Cortex Could Never Be TOO Mainstream!)
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Warning:
Proceed Cautiously! Forehead protection advised. Head-scratching
puns, mind-numbing humor ahead.
| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1
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| 4 | 5
| 6 | 7 |
8 | 9 | 10
| 11 | 12 |
13 | 14 | 15
| 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried
Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda
Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About
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| Puns That Bite | Frightful
Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome
Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic
Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate
Groans | Puns That Smart
| Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour
Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless
Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak
Puns |
Q.
What do you get if you cross a burglar and purple flowers?
A. Robbery with violets.
Q.
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner?
A. A Kong-vict!
Did
you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months. Looks
like his days are numbered. |
Salesman:
This computer will cut your work load by 50%.
Customer: Great, I'll take two!
Q.
What does a carpet salesman give his honey on Valentine's
Day?
A. Rugs and kisses.
Salesman:
That suit looks great. It fits like a bandaid.
Customer: Thanks, I bought it by accident. |
When
I first tried a new cough syrup, I had no idea what to expectorate.
Q.
What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
A. Saturday Night Fever!
Q.
What is the medical term for owning too many dogs?
A. Rover-dose! |
Q.
What is the most useless self-help book ever written?
A. How to Write a How to Write Book.
Guy
walks into a book store and asks where the Self-Help books
are. Clerk says, "Sure, but that would defeat the purpose."
Q.
Which writing genre pays the most?
A. Ransom notes! |
Q.
Why do ghosts like drywall?
A. Because sheets rock!
Did
you hear about the lesbian carpenters? They don't use any
studs, just tongue and groove.
Q.
Why aren't there more contractor jokes?
A. They're still working on it.
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Q.
What happens if you have too many liabilities?
A. Your assets in jail.
When
God created actuaries, he scratched His head and said, "Go
Figure."
Insider
Banking Lingo: A personal financial dilemma is also known
as a bill pickle. |
Gym
Confession: Sometimes, I look like I'm working out, but
I'm actually using every muscle in by body to keep from
farting.
Gym
Factoid: Did you realize that Dr. Frankenstein was actually
the first bodybuilder? |
Taxi
driver pick-up line: Hey Babe,
if you were a car door, I'd slam you all night.
Q.
Who earns a living by driving customers away?
A. Taxi drivers!
|
Scientists
just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it
sooner, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
Q.
What do you call it when David Banner goes shopping at Sam's
Club?
A. The Incredible Hoard! |
Q.
How do you know if a colt is sick?
A. He feels a little hoarse.
Q.
Where do horses go when they're sick?
A. To the horse-pital!
Did
you hear about the runaway horse? It's a terrible tail
of whoa. |
Pizza
is the only love triangle I'm interested in.
Q.
What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it?
A. A Pepper-lonely Pizza!
Q.
Why couldn't the chef get into the Italian restaurant?
A. He had gnocchi.
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Q.
Why couldn't they keep the locksmith in jail?
A. Because the nut always bolted.
Q.
Why did the blonde only lock three of the six locks on her
door?
A. She figured if somebody tried to pick the locks, they'd
always be locking three. |
Q.
Does Spock appreciate deadly Vulcan puns?
A. He does understand the complex nature of lively
jokes, but he just does not see the humor in it.
Q.
What's it called when two Enterprise officers have an argument?
A. Science Friction! |
See,
Opticians are not just in it because they have specs appeal!
Q.
Why did the near-sighted woman marry her optometrist?
A. It was an eye-deal relationship!
Specs
appeal is not the reason to become an optician, but it does
help!
|
Valentine's
Day pick-up line: Is your name
WiFi? 'Cause I am feeling a strong connection.
Q.
What did the little boat say to the yacht?
A. Can I interest you in a little row-mance?
Apish
Pick-Up Line: Hey, you're like
dandruff, I just can't get you otta my head no matter how
hard I try! |
|
Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1
| 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | 7 |
8 | 9 | 10
| 11 | 12 |
13 | 14 | 15
| 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried
Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda
Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About
|
| Puns That Bite | Frightful
Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome
Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic
Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate
Groans | Puns That Smart
| Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour
Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless
Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak
Puns |
You're
hanging in there, so here's
even more side-splitting laughter,
groaner humor, and slap
happy painful puns to tickle
your funny bone:
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More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
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Bartender Puns | Burglar
Puns | Caveman Funs | Cheese
Puns | Chef Puns | Colorado
Jokes | Contractor Puns
|
| Dad Jokes | Furniture
Puns | Gym Moans | Locksmith
Puns | Magical Puns | Musician
Puns | Optician Puns |
| Pasta Puns | Police
Puns | Sci-Fi Funs | Seasonal
Puns | Sports Jokes | Star
Trek Puns | Tech Puns | Toy
Jokes |
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for stopping by and see you again soon!
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