Q. Why did you leave your last job?
A. Company relocated and didn't tell me where...

Q. What did the worker at the rubber band factory say after he lost his job?
A. Oh, Snap!

Q. What is it called if your surreptitiously pocket a pushpin out of an office supply store?
A. Sneak a tack.

A guy had a photographic memory that never developed... Orange you glad he woke up? That dream blue his mind.

Q. What do you call a peculiar fraternal society where members routinely hit each other on the head?
A. Bop Culture.

I bought hiking boots from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar. After several drinks, he walked down another alley and turned into a bra.

An anagramist walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the clean fog?"

Q. What is it called when you take back everything you said, and then everybody else does likewise?
A. A chain retraction.

Q. What do you call an angry monkey?
A. Furious George.

Q. What do you get when you poop in your overalls?
A. Dung-arees.

Q. What do monkeys wear while they're cooking?
A. Ape-rons.

Q. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A. An URLologist.

Q. What do you get when you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable?
A. common tater!

Q. When do old newspaper editors die?
A. When they get depressed.

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks, "Why the short face?"

A black widow drops into the bar. Bartender asks, "What's your poison?"

A book walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Please, no stories!"

A giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Do you want a long neck?" Giraffe says, "Do I have a choice?"

A nonrenewable energy source walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You've been getting wasted all day!"

Painful Pun of the Day: Once again, Autocorrect has become my worst enema!

Q. How did the computer get drunk?
A. It took too many screen shots!

Q. What do you get if you cross a computer and a lifeguard?
A. A screensaver.

Q. How do lightning bolts flirt?
A. They electro-cute each other!

Q. What does a thunder cloud give on Valentine's Day?
A. A box of shock-o-lights!

Q. Where did the lightning bolt propose to his girlfriend?
A. On Cloud 9.

At least we gnot an answer this time. What was the question again? Punny or not, here I come!

Q. Where do gnomes get their garden supplies?
A. Gnome Depot.

I relish the fact you've mustard the strength to ketchup on tasty puns.

Q. What is the prize in the big hot dog race?
A. Wiener takes all!

Q. Why do all hot dogs look the same?
A. Because they are in bread.

Q. What is the most gnome bull profession?
A. Torreador.

The end. Gnome or puns, for now anyway...

Q. What do you call the winner of a long-standing fight?
A. Survival of the feudist.

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