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When taking your car out in inclement weather, always make sure it's driving rain!
Did you hear about the guy who stole a can of wood filler? A. He was arrested for putty theft!

Q. What did the vampire say after reading all these painful puns? A. They Suck!

 


Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Horrible Jokes
Slap yourself silly with excruciating groaner humor, word play jokes, and painfully funny puns.

Painful Puns and Groaner Jokes – Ouch!
(Because Painful Puns That Require Forehead Slapping Protection Could Never Be Too Mainstream!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Funny groaner jokes, painful word play, and agonizing puns ahead.
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Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground BeefOnce, an invisible man married an invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to lat, too.When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Q. What do you call a cow with one leg?
A. Steak.

Q. What is the lowest grade of steak?
A. Where the udder meets the road.

Q. How many children does the Invisible Man have?
A. None. He's not apparent.

Q. What did the doctor say when the nurse told him there was an invisible man in the waiting room?
A. "Tell him I can't see him now."

She thinks she's a siren, but she looks more like a false alarm.

No wonder he suffers from migraines. His halo is on too tight.

My door was a jar, so I added jelly... Now it's a door jam!Crappy Pun: I must be emotionally constipated. I just can't seem to give a sh*t! Tried to buy camouflage pants, but I just couldn't find any

Q. What do you call it when David Banner goes shopping at Costco?
A. The Incredible Bulk!

Q. What is Bruce Banner's favorite drink?
A. Fruit punch!

Q. What do you call it when David Banner won't speak to you?
A. The Incredible Sulk!

Did you hear about the constipated composer? He had problems with his last movement.

People who tell you that they're constipated are full of crap.

Q. Why are constipated people so rude?
A. They just don't give a crap.

Q. Why use Camouflage Condoms?
A. So they'll never see you coming.

To the guy in the wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket: You can hide, but you cannot run!

Camo PSA: Never trust a guy who says he's wearing a camouflage condom!

After the Butcher Backed Into His Meat Grinder, He Got a Little Behind in His Work.Q. What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a general? A. A Military Coo!A pessimist's blood type is B Negative.

Q. What is a steak pun?
A. A medium where anything well done is rare!

Q. What happened to the lost beef shipment?
A. Nobody's herd!

Q. What do you call a cow with a nervous twitch?
A. Beef Jerky.

Q. Why couldn't anybody see the rare bird?
A. Because it was in da skies!

Q. What do you call a duck on drugs?
A. A quack head.

Q. Which kind of birds spend a lot of time on their knees?
A. Birds of Prey!

The pessimist who hated sausage feared the wurst.

Q. What is Autocorrect's blood type?
A. Typo Negative.

Whatever you do, always give 100% – unless you're donating blood!

Gnome wonder you gnow I'm punny!Did you hear about the guy who ran through a screen door? He strained himselfThere is Gnome Margin for Errors.

Gnome doubt about it. Gnow we gnow. And, we'll gnever forget it.

Q. What is the original homeland of Gnomes?
A. The Gnoman Empire, although Gnomes in Gnorway might disagree.

Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist? He sold his soul to Santa!

Q. Why wasn't the Invisible Man seen with friends as a teen?
A. Disappear pressure.

Q. What is the Invisible Man's favorite party game?
A. Hide 'N Seek.

Who gnew gnomes were perfectionists?

Gnome Trivia: Gnomes like to vacation in Nome, Alaska.

More Gnome Trivia: Gnomes are found in Nome because they don't blend in with the snow very well.

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