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Q. What do you call the ability to see a hundred years into the future? A. Extra-Century Perception!
Q. Why did the barber win the race? A. Because he took a short cut!


Painful Puns, Noxious Word Play, Stinky Jokes
Hurt yourself real good with masochistic groaner jokes, word play humor, and rawly funny puns.

Painful Puns and Groaner Jokes – Ye Ouch!
(Because Puns That The Hulk Considers Painful Could Never Be Too Mainstream for Chuck Norris!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Smarting jokes, inflamed humor, and festering boils of fun ahead.
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Your pun about TV controllers wasn't even remotely funny.Q. What Do You Get If You Cross a Donkey with an Owl? A. A Smart Ass That Knows It All!The tree trimmers did a great job! They really should take a bough

Did you know The Hulk was angry before it was all the rage?

Q. Why is The Hulk such a good Internet gardener?
A. He always backs up his sage! And, he bides his thyme on Twitter.

Q. What do you get if you cross an owl with a cat?
A. Meowls

Q. What do you call a baby owl swimming?
A. A Moist-owlette.

For this tree pun, I had to go out on a limb and branch out to some higher sources.

Q. Why was the tree drooling?
A. Because it was a Dogwood.

Q. What do you call a chicken crossing the road? A. Poultry in Motion.A woman was arrested for having an accident on her cellphone. She was charged with DWI: Driving While Intalksicated.Q. What is a Zebra? A. 25 Sizes Larger Than an A Bra!

Q. Why did the hen cross the road?
A. To prove she wasn't chicken.

We hope one day chickens will all be able to cross the road without being judged on their motives!

What a cheesy charge! At her age, she should know feta. Cheddar luck next time, Brie ...

Q. Which civilization actually inspired the invention of the telephone?
A. The Phoenicians.

Q. What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?
A. A zebra.

Q. What is the oldest animal known to mankind?
A. The zebra, because it's in black and white.

Q. Where did the lightning bolt propose to his girlfriend? A. Cloud 9I Gnome the Punch Line!A Girl Said She Recognized Me From the Vegetarian Club, But I'd Never Met Herbivore.

Weather or not this joke is funny:

Q. What's the opposite of a cold front?
A. A warm back.

Q. What does a storm cloud wear under its raincoat?
A. Thunderware!

Pugilist gnome thinks he's some sort of a tough guy.

Gnome Trivia: Metro gnomes are always on time.

There is something missing from my flower bouquet, she said lack-a-daisy-cally.

Q. What do you call a grumpy, short-tempered gardener?
A. A Snap Dragon.

Sh*tty Pun: I used to be a sanitation engineer, but the city dumped me.I tried wrapping Christmas presents, but I didn't have the gift.Hard Working Gnome Makes Gnome ¢

Q. How do you describe a jocular sewage joker?
A. Pun Gent!

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!

There's one more great sewage pun, but we're going to leave it out because the punch line really stinks.

Bullseye on online holiday shopping, but how do you wrap all those slippery plastic bags on Xmas Eve?

Q. What do you call the wrapping paper after opening gifts?
A. Christ-Mess!

Q. How is Xmas just like your job?
A. You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!

Gnome meme has a way to go to haul in a pay check.

Q. Why do gnomes make bad rappers?
A. Gnome rhyme, gnor reason.

Q. Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
A. He had a really long Honeydew list.

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