A butcher tried standup comedy, but he didn't make the cut.   PainfulPuns.com - Job Jokes, Funny Occupations, Work Whoas?

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Q. What's the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer? A dressmaker sews what she gathers and a farmer gathers what he sows!
Chef Pun: Got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Q. What does a locksmith like in the morning before work? A. A Quickie!
Q. Why are police officers excellent volleyball players? A. They know how to serve and protect!

 


Work Jokes, Hired Puns, Laughs On the Job
Hire onto headhunter humor, funny factory jokes, and CEO comedy that gets the job done.

Job Jokes, Employment Puns, Work Humor
('Cause Headhunter Jokes Couldn't TOO Be Mainstream if You're Looking for a Job or Stranded on a Desert Isle!)
Warning: It's nearly Friday, so don't get all worked up! Factory laughs, job jokes, and calculated puns ahead.
| Actor Jokes | Artist Puns | Astronaut Puns | Athlete Jokes | Author Puns | Auto Mechanic Jokes |
| Baker Jokes | Banker Jokes | Barber Jokes | Bartender Jokes | Chef Jokes | Chemist Jokes |
| Cowboy Jokes | Criminal Puns | Dentist Jokes | Doctor Jokes | Electrician Jokes | Eye Doc Puns |
| Farmer Jokes | Home Contractor Jokes | Landlord Puns | Lawyer Jokes | Locksmith Puns |
| Magician Puns | Musician Jokes | Optician Puns | Plumber Puns | Police Jokes | Psychic Jokes |
| Scientist Jokes | Shrink Puns | Superhero | Teacher Jokes | Tech Support | Weatherman Humor |
| Job Jokes, Career Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |

Q. What did a vampire say when he hired an apprentice? A. We could use some new blood around here!Q. What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job? A. Oh, Snap!Ape Asks: Did you hear about the CEO who dropped a brownie on his calculator? e was trying to fudge the numbers!

Q. Where do blood-sucking vampire comedians get their best jokes?
A. From a crypt writer.

Q. Why didn't the vampire take the job at the mirror factory?
A. He just couldn't see himself there.

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a school teacher?
A. Lots of blood tests.

Q. How are hula hoop sales reported?
A. In round numbers.

Q. Why was the psychic surprised when she lost her job?
A. She didn't see that coming.

Q. Why did the go-getter salesman quit his job at Nike?
A. He just couldn't do it anymore.

Q. What happens after somebody curses loudly at a corporate board meeting?
A. A shock word silence.

Q. Why won't Satan let CEOs into hell?
A. Because he doesn't want the competition.

Q. What happened after the CEO was arrested for voyeurism?
A. The company's stalk went down.

Q. Why did the guy lose his job at the fruit packing company? A. He kept throwing the bent bananas away!Q. What do you call somebody who finds jobs for cabbage? A. A head hunter!Q. Who earns a living driving their customers away? A. A taxi driver!

Q. Why did the fisherman quit his job?
A. Because he just couldn't live on the net income.

Q. Why was the blonde fired from her job at the orange juice factory?
A. Because she just couldn't concentrate! Duh!

Q. Why did the historian quit his job?
A. Because there was no future in it.

Q. Why did the scarecrow get that great new job?
A. Because he was truly outstanding in his field.

Q. Why did the headhunter want to hire a chicken?
A. Because she'd accept a poultry salary.

Q. Why couldn't the headhunter find a job for the musician?
A. He wasn't noteworthy.

Q. What did the cab driver say to Eddie Munster?
A. Where wolf?

Q. What did the aarvark say to the taxi driver?
A. Take me to my ant's place.

Q. How many cab drivers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to screw it in, and one to overcharge for the bulb.

Horsing Around: If ya wanna make money as a comedian, you gotta have a cents of humor.Did you hear about the new telescope company? Business is looking up!Q. How  many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? A. I'll have an estimate for you a week from Friday!

Q. Which barber shop did the sarcastic comedian prefer?
A. Cutting Remarks.

Q. Why did the locksmith do stand-up comedy during his off time?
A. Because he always got the audience keyed up.

Q. What is the problem with banker jokes?
A. Bankers don't think they're funny, and normal people don't think they're jokes!

Q. Why couldn't the astronaut book a room on the moon?
A. Because it was full.

Q. Where does an astronaut dock his space ship?
A. At a parking meteor.

Q. Where do astronauts keep sandwiches?
A. In a launch box.

Old astronauts never die. They just travel to another universal realm.

Q. How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?
A. That depends on the speed of change and the mass of the bulb...

Job Site Laugh of the Day: Have you heard the latest construction joke? Sorry, it's not done yet...

Q. Which new carpentry dating site is popular among studs?
A. Board Meetings.

Q. How many efficiency experts does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs!Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget!When the doctor asked an editor how he was doing, he said there was a problem with circulation.

Q. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
A. Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Q. Why did the guy bail out of the hot air balloon business?
A. Because it never really took off.

Q. Why did the guy fire his acupuncturist?
A. Because she was a back stabber.

Q. What happens when accountants are left a loan?
A. They become very debt-icated.

Q. What do you call accountants at a coffee company?
A. They're known as a bean counters.

Q. How are men like bank accounts?
A. One day they're up, one day they're down, but most of the time they show no interest.


Q. How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but first they have to rewire the entire building.

Q. Why did the editor give up his cheese making hobby?
A. Long rendering times.

Q. How can you identify a pregnant clause while editing copy?
A. It's missing a period.

| Job Jokes, Career Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Actor Jokes | Artist Puns | Astronaut Puns | Athlete Jokes | Author Puns | Auto Mechanic Jokes |
| Baker Jokes | Banker Jokes | Barber Jokes | Bartender Jokes | Chef Jokes | Chemist Jokes |
| Cowboy Jokes | Criminal Puns | Dentist Jokes | Doctor Jokes | Electrician Jokes | Eye Doc Puns |
| Farmer Jokes | Home Contractor Jokes | Landlord Puns | Lawyer Jokes | Locksmith Puns |
| Magician Puns | Musician Jokes | Optician Puns | Plumber Puns | Police Jokes | Psychic Jokes |
| Scientist Jokes | Shrink Puns | Superhero | Teacher Jokes | Tech Support | Weatherman Humor |

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| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Humor | Sports Jokes | Travel Jokes | UFO Jokes | Funny Weed Jokes | Zombie Jokes |

Smart Humor! Science + Math = Puns Edible Puns, Fun with Food Sick Puns, Healthy Laughs
Bartender Puns, Bar Humor Old Jokes & Old Never Die Puns Tech Jokes, PC Puns & Net Ouch!

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