I got fired from my job as a software engineer. I just couldn't get with the program.   PainfulPuns.com - Job Jokes, Funny Occupations, Work Whoas?

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Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A. Pachydermatologist
Q. What do you call a chauffeur that drives you to under-the-bar dances? A. A Limbo Service!
I'm always so relieved when I see police who aren't looking for me!
Q. Why are locksmiths such versatile vocalists? A. Because they can sing in any key!

 


Job Jokes, Work Humor, On the Clock Puns
Resume your comedy career search with work jokes, job humor, and funny occupation LOLs.

Work Jokes, Occupation Puns, Career Laughs
(Because Doing Your Job Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When It's All In A Day's Work. No Kidding!)
Warning: Hire On with Caution! Engineered humor, safe job jokes, and post-dramatic stress puns ahead.
| Actor Jokes | Artist Puns | Astronaut Puns | Athlete Jokes | Author Puns | Auto Mechanic Jokes |
| Baker Jokes | Banker Jokes | Barber Jokes | Bartender Jokes | Chef Jokes | Chemist Jokes |
| Cowboy Jokes | Criminal Puns | Dentist Jokes | Doctor Jokes | Electrician Jokes | Eye Doc Puns |
| Farmer Jokes | Home Contractor Jokes | Landlord Puns | Lawyer Jokes | Locksmith Puns |
| Magician Puns | Musician Jokes | Optician Puns | Plumber Puns | Police Jokes | Psychic Jokes |
| Scientist Jokes | Shrink Puns | Superhero | Teacher Jokes | Tech Support | Weatherman Humor |
| Job Jokes, Career Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |

Q. What do actors suffer from after starring in an intense role? A. Post-dramatic stress!Q. Why did the barber win the race? A. Because he took a short cut!Q. Why do poicemen have bigger balls than firemen? A. they sell more tickets!

Q. Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
A. Because every play has a cast!

Q. Which type of underwear do actors wear?
A. Movie Shorts.

Dramatic Point to Ponder: If an actor falls through the floor, is it just a stage he's going through?

Q. Why are actors such good pool players?
A. They know their cues.

Q. Why was the barber arrested?
A. For running a clip joint.

Q. Why did the barber shop close at 2 p.m.?
A. Because work was cut short today.

Did you hear about the big fight at the barber shop? It was a very hairy situation.

Q. What is a barber's favorite vacation?
A. A cruise on a clipper ship.

Q. Why is a traffic cop the strongest man in the world?
A. Because he can hold up a 10-Ton truck with his hand.

Q. Why did God create policemen?
A. So firemen could have heroes.

Q. What do cops and firemen have in common?
A. Both want to be firemen.

Q. Why was the cardiologist able to walk to work? A. Because he lived in the heart of the city!Q How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know!Q. What is the best way to get a job at a dentist office? A. Word of mouth!

Q. Why are the hearts of bankers in such high demand by transplant patients?
A. Because they've barely been used.

The worst time to have a heart attack has to be during a game of charades.

A man went to the doctor and said he felt run down. Doc asked, "Why do you feel that way?" The man replied, "Well, I have tire marks on my legs."

Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He finally managed to work it out with a pencil. Turns out it was a natural log.

If you're an optimist, the glass is half full. If you're a pessimist, the glass is half empty. If you're an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Q. What is an architect?
A. An engineer who can't do math.

Q. How can you tell you've found the best dentist?
A. He's Ahh-Inspiring!

Did you hear about the dentist who put braces on his patient as a stop-gap measure?

Q. Why did the dentist seem moody?
A. He always looks down in the mouth.

Q. Why did the banker take the blonde teller into the vault? A. For Safe Sex!Q. Why did the farmer stand on top of a grain-separating machine? A. He wanted to get a thresh perspective!Q. Why don't locksmiths need to use GPS? A. They always know their lock-ation!

Q. Why do bankers like to watch porno movies backward?
A. They like the part where the hooker gives the money back!

Q. Why are investment bankers such great lovers?
A. They know the penalty for early withdrawl!

Q. Why did the bank teller decide to change careers?
A. Because he lost interest.

Grain farmers have a tough life. They barley survive wheat to wheat.

Q. What do farmers use to create crop circles?
A. A Protractor.

Did you know that farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, turnip the covers and endive into bed?

Q. How does the locksmith feel about painful key puns?
A. They are re-bolting and king-key.

Q. How do you describe the chaos caused when a locksmith really goofs up?
A. A Key-Lamity!

Q. How can you tell locksmiths and safe crackers like painful puns?
A. Because they break into laughter.

Did you hear about the clever sleuth ophthalmologist? He closed the lid on this case!Q. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Ten. One to install it and nine to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years!Q. What did the dentist say to the judge in court? A. You can't handle the tooth!

Q. What was the len's excuse to the policeman?
A. Officer, I've been framed!

Q. What do you call an ophthalmologist who lives on an island in Alaska?
A. An Optical Aleutian.

Q. What does a vampire say when an ophthalmologist is his victim?
A. Eye vant to drink your blood.

Engineers like to solve problems, but if there are no problems to solve they'll just create their own.

You might be an engineer if you've used duct tape and coat hangers for something other than taping ducts and hanging clothes.

Q. How do you drive an engineer crazy?
A. Make them watch you incorrectly fold up a road map.

The dentist's alibi was full of holes, so police performed a cavity search. OUCH!

An orthodontist was found dead, killed by a hatchet. But, nobody was arrested because the death was ruled axe-i-dental.

Q. What does the dentist of the year get?
A. A little plaque.

Old dentists never die, but they do lose their pull.

| Job Jokes, Career Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Actor Jokes | Artist Puns | Astronaut Puns | Athlete Jokes | Author Puns | Auto Mechanic Jokes |
| Baker Jokes | Banker Jokes | Barber Jokes | Bartender Jokes | Chef Jokes | Chemist Jokes |
| Cowboy Jokes | Criminal Puns | Dentist Jokes | Doctor Jokes | Electrician Jokes | Eye Doc Puns |
| Farmer Jokes | Home Contractor Jokes | Landlord Puns | Lawyer Jokes | Locksmith Puns |
| Magician Puns | Musician Jokes | Optician Puns | Plumber Puns | Police Jokes | Psychic Jokes |
| Scientist Jokes | Shrink Puns | Superhero | Teacher Jokes | Tech Support | Weatherman Humor |

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