Q. What did the blonde hair stylish say when the man said he wanted a hair cut?
A. Which one?

Q. What do you call a fantastic hair stylist?
A. A sheer delight!

Q. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.

They say: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Maybe that's why I lost my job as a fireman?

Q. What kind of women do young firemen like?
A. Hose.

It's alway nice to know you'll be working from home today, unless you're a fireman!

Q. Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
A. To improve his bite.

Q. Why is Hollywood full of vampires?
A. They need someone to do bit parts!

Q. What do you get if you cross a laptop and a vampire?
A. Love at first byte.

Q. What do you call a logger who can't wake up on time?
A. A Slumberjack.

Q. What did the tree say to the lumberjack?
A. I have fallen for you!

Q. What did the tree say to the lumberjack?
A. Just leaf me alone!

Q. Which kind of sushi do lumberjacks like?
A. Log Rolls.

Q. Why did the near-sighted woman marry her optometrist?
A. It was an eye-deal relationship!

Q. Why did the optometrist couple finally get a divorce?
A. Because they just could not see eye to eye.

Q. What did the deck hand on the optometrist's yacht say?
A. Eye, Eye, Captain.

Did you hear about the shrink who spent a long weekend at a winter psychologist convention in Aspen? On Monday morning, he reported that he'd never seen so many Freudian slips.

Q. What happens if a psychiatrist and a prostitute spend the night together?
A. In the morning, each of them says, "$200 Please."

You'd think they could shrink the bill!

Q. Why did the locksmith keep getting promotions and raises?
A. Because he was a key employee.

Q. How can you tell your locksmith is funny in a good way?
A. He has a keen sense of humor, plus you're no longer locked out.

Q. What does a locksmith say to pay you a compliment?
A. You are Locking Good!

Q. What did the guy say to his Uber driver after the 5-star rating?
A. Way to go!

Q. Which ride-sharing app serves breakfast?
A. Eggs Uber Easy.

Q. Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A. An Uber Driver.

Old chauffeurs never die. They just lose their drive.

Q. How was the fashion designer's girlfriend like an incompetent tailor?
A. She didn't suit him.

Q. What happened when the best tailor in town passed away?
A. He was given a fitting eulogy.

Q. Why did the overly dramatic author become a tailor?
A. He wanted to make an Ernest living the Hemingway.

Q. Why did the cheerleader go to her dentist?
A. Because she needed a root canal. RAH!

I had a date with a dentist last night. At the end of the date, she said she had a great time and wants to see me again in six months. OUCH!

Q. Why did the donut go to the dentist?
A. Because it needed a little filling.

Q. What do you call a guy who only writes for a short period?
A. A limited time author.

An English teacher asked a smart-ass student to name two pronouns. The student replied, "Who, Me?"

Q. What kind of punishment might you get for the misuse of punctuation marks?
A. Comma karma.

Poor guy was in the hospital with 60% burns. Doc says, "Give him two Viagra." Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" Doc replies, "No, but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade? She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy – and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.

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